Help please.

really sorry to here about your situation man.if you have the means to get out use them.im not saying cut of all ties i dont know if they can come round.but its never healthy being in that situation aye.

 

Sorry to hear about your situation. It's similar to the way my mother feels about gay people (She is very accepting of the gay people around her yet she told me she will kill herself if i ever came out to her because she doesn't believe the family has 'bad' genes, it doesn't help she has been diagnosed as manic depressive and my father is extremely homophobic)

For me, I'm remaining to stay loyal until i can become fully independent from them since i'm focusing on finding my university education first. I really hope i wasn't rambling too much

 

I'm not sure what you should do within the context of your life, but you should not allow anyone to blackmail you or fool you into thinking that you are doing ANYTHING negative to them by simply being who you are. That is bullshit. They have the problem, not you.

 

Hi,
I am not in your situation, and can only offer my thoughts as a mom--it breaks my heart that you are being abused and blackmailed when what you need and deserve is unconditional love and support. You have done nothing wrong by being who you are. You have done NOTHING to deserve this kind of treatment.
It sounds as though your mother may be struggling with mental illness. I don't know if she has an established medical history of this, but for her to hit her child and threaten to kill herself, and blame it on her child is just appalling. Her (possible) mental illness is not a choice but her responses to being that way are. Does she have a doctor you could call to mention her threats and express your concern? I know it sounded as though I meant it was your job to care for her, but either she is serious, and does need medical help, or she is simply trying to manipulate and blackmail you, in which case shining a light on what she is doing, and forcing her to face questions from a medical professional might let her know her behavior is not okay! If she is simply being a drama queen, she needs to knock that baloney off, or at least scale her responses down to a acceptable level.
Obviously, I don't know your mom. I can't say how serious she is, and it worries me that she may see a failed attempt as the perfect means to garner attention for herself while giving you the Biggest Guilt Trip Ever. Given how determined she sounds to control your life, I doubt she'd actually follow through with her suicide threat and risk leaving you alone here on the planet to do whatever you want! You didn't mention your father, or any siblings...are you all alone in trying to deal with this?
I don't know that this helped you any, and I'm sorry if it didn't. Please post again and let us know how you are?

 

this is your PARENT'S issue, not yours. I have 2 gay friends who are teachers so thats just rubbish that you won't be able to advance.

My advice is to tell your parents this isn't going to go away and you'll talk to them when they are ready act like adults

 

Hey, I am so sorry that your having to go through this with that type of backlash.

You are a perfectly normal person, there is nothing wrong with being true to yourself, and you deserve all the love and support any person needs and wants.

Do you have any friends whatsoever? Any one you could stay with?
Being in that household sounds extremely toxic, and you need a place with some fresh air so to speak.
There is and always will be people *sad to say parents are people too* that will put you down and treat you like garbage because of THEIR issues not you.

We at the EC are here to listen and help in any way we can ok? (*hug*)

 

Obviously it would be really easy for me to sit here and say "of course you should get out" when I'm not in your shoes. I realize that it isn't nearly as easily said as it is done.

As others have said, your mother is being quite immature and manipulative of you.

Now, the thing to remember is that she's dealing with this however she feels fit. Is it appropriate? Hell no. But just like everyone else has to deal with things they don't like, she is too. By no means am I excusing her behaviour, but it's quite possible (given that it's only been a day) that her actions are really just a knee-jerk reaction to the news. I'm also not saying that she'll come around and be totally fine with you being gay, but there's potential for progress to be made.

You may have seen the 5 stages of loss mentioned around the site before. Now, I'd argue this very much applies to your mother, and if you read up on the information, I'd say she's going through a mix of anger and bargaining. Like all things, this is a process and things won't change overnight. Just like it took you (presumably) quite some time to accept being gay, it's going to take her some time to digest the news as well.

I know I said it already, but let me be clear that I'm not excusing her behaviour, it's grossly inappropriate. By all means, put your safety first, and if that means you're being physically threatened, find somewhere else to live. But I wouldn't be quite so quick to decide that this is how things will be for the rest of your life.

It's a hard call to make, but it really is yours to make. Just keep in mind that you can't be responsible for anyone else's actions (even though I'd wager that your mother is exaggerating about the "suicide" just a little bit). Point is, play it by ear as much as you can. It's hard for us to give you solid advice given that we're not there, we don't know what your mother is thinking, and we're ultimately only hearing one side of the story.

Come back here and keep us updated though.

 

damm right.

 

Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear that. (*hug*)

Do you know anyone you can stay with?

I know you said sofa hopping....are these safe places?