help me please

You sound lonely. I can relate. I was where you are not so long ago. Saying you're not out to anybody, I assume you're trying to live a normal "male" life? If that's the case, I would recommend against it. Trying to keep yourself chained like that will eat at you over time. I've recently started coming out, seeing a therapist, and talking about transition. There are definitely people here who are further along than I am, but my wall is open to you. I'm happy to listen and offer any support or advice I can.

 

Hi there Elizabeth101.
I may be on the other side of the spectrum but if you ever need someone to talk to, I check this site daily and if you write on my wall I will be sure to reply.

There are plenty of others on this site who would likewise be willing to lend an ear or offer some advice whenever you need us.

I certainly know the feeling of never wanting to tell anyone.
I went through it for a year before it drove me near mad and ruined my relationship with my now-ex.
If you don't feel comfortable telling others, keep it to yourself for the time being.

I'd suggest simply talking to those in the community for now if you don't feel comfortable going to a therapist.
But like I said, we are always here.

 

I agree with LR that if your not ready to come out its fine to wait, and its ok to feel like you never want to come out right now. It's scary and the fear is natural. For now, I would highly recommend talking to those in this community that know what youre going through. There are many of us and I think you'll find that people who are MtF have a lot in common with those are FtM like Lightning Rider.

For now you should talk, listen, and absorb. We all want to help you if we can