100% Confirmed: I am bisexual. My friend had a holiday romance and I am jealous

So... my friend just got back from holiday recently, this friend I have been crushing on a bit, and she called me up to tell me all about it and she mentioned she had a holiday romance with a guy... I was so upset and crushed I felt a horrible pang in the pit of my stomach and I felt sick :tears: even though I already knew she was straight I was jealous, very jealous. To top it off I didn't really hear from her when she was away and she was away during my birthday. I got one text from her afterwards saying sorry she missed my birthday well it turns out she was sleeping with this guy on my birthday and that's why I never heard from her :tears:
I went all quiet and funny on the phone (I was fighting back the tears) and she asked me what was wrong cos I sounded down, I said nothing and it was nothing to do with her and I had to go. She asked me if I wanted to meet up for drink on Saturday I said maybe. I burst into tears when I got off the phone.

I don't know what to do really she has no idea I am bicurious or anything. The way I felt when she told me is exactly the way I've felt when I've been pining or upset over guys the feeling is identical and I also seem to have this complete inability to separate romantic and sexual attraction it honestly feels like the same thing to me :bang::bang:
So I figured that this 100% confirms I am bisexual. I wasn't sure before but since I felt this same way about men I must be?

So I figured I have a few options in regards to my friend I am crushing on because this is killing me and I can't go on feeling like this, the last time I got confused about a same sex attraction (the first time it happened actually) I bottled it all up and had so much turmoil over my sexuality I ended up getting suicidal and I promised myself that if I ever got through that I would never ever let that happen again.
I think my friend will probably stop wanting to be friends with me in any of these scenarios but here's my choices:


1) Don't tell my friend anything try and carry on as normal and ignore my feelings. This will probably end up eating me up inside though and I don't want to get suicidal again :icon_sad: Plus I will be so miserable that my friend would probably stop being friends with me eventually

2) Start avoiding her but don't tell her why. This way I would save myself some of the pain but it wouldn't be very nice to my friend and she'd probably stop being my friend

3) Be honest. Tell her I think I am bisexual and that I think I have feelings for her and I got jealous when I heard she had a romance and I was upset and I understand she is straight and if she no longer wanted to be friends with me because of the awkwardness.


Please any advice about this? She already knows something is up. :help:

 

Thank you so much for your reply. Yes this is an extremely scary option for me and it'll probably take a few drinks for me to pluck up the courage to tell her but you're right if I don't do it I'll be sad and I probably wont be able to move on. I've been down and depressed about this since I found out I was supposed to go out last night but didn't feel like it and I was supposed to go to my voluntary job this morning but didn't feel like it.

I'm not wondering what could have been because I've already inferred she is straight and has no feelings for me what's harder is admitting this and saying out loud that I am bi :icon_sad: and it also means that I have to deal with the reality of being bi which I should be happy about but I'm not because I still feel like it's something I have to hide away

I've figured I'll meet her on Saturday have a few drinks and then tell her, I was planning to tell her I was bicurious anyway but things have kind have escalated since I found out she slept with a guy.

---------- Post added 1st Nov 2012 at 02:13 PM ----------

You're totally right, I did want distance I think that she will not want to be friends with me once I tell her all this I suppose I wanted to me a pre-emptive strike, like "I know you wont want to be friends with me so I'm saying now that I will walk away right now". I know I'm being irrational about this I actually would like to remain friends with her and I don't know what her reaction will be but I always think the worst and I think it will be negative and she'll say she can't be friends with me.

If I'm honest and say I was jealous at least she'll know what has been bugging me but I'm mostly doing this for me so I don't drive myself insane like I did last time.

I'm still very scared and apprehensive about the whole thing I don't think I'll be the same person to her after this. :icon_sad:

 

Update:

So a hell of a lot has happened since I wrote this post; I met up with my friend on Saturday and she took me to a restaurant in the part of town she lives in. I was super nervous as you can imagine and she kept asking me what was wrong but I said I was fine and just needed some alcohol - which also prompted her to ask me what the sudden need for alcohol was so I said I just really needed a drink - so we ordered a bottle but I was picking at my food because I was so nervous and I kept telling myself not to freak out because she was going to notice. To top it all off she looked really nice which didn't help, ugh. :bang:

Then she started talking about her holiday and how amazing it was and how much she liked that guy she'd slept with and he was so cool and they got on so well and she was over that crush she'd had on a work colleague (she'd already told me about this previously) and she didn't want to see anyone else because he was so great...
My heart broke into a thousand pieces... "that's good" I mumbled staring at my chow mein. I felt like I was going to cry and I didn't want her to see me crying so I was just about to excuse myself to the toilets when she said "Can I ask you a personal question?" I looked up "depends what it is" I replied suspected I had been rumbled.
"It's just that er how do I put this..." she said.
"Just ask what you want to ask" I said. I sat back and waited for her to ask what I thought she was going to ask me. We'd already got though a whole bottle of wine at this point.
"Er" she continued "It wouldn't change anything between us... and there's no indication of..."
"Just say it" I said
"Ok how do I put this... what's your ideal partner?" She said.
"That's a very diplomatic way of putting it" I said. "I'm not gay"
"Oh"
"I'm bisexual, at least I think I am..."
"Well that's ok" she said smiling "I'm bisexual too" :jawdrop:

To say I was shocked is an understatement. I went on to tell her that I'd been so jealous and heartbroken when I'd found out she'd slept with that guy and she'd also missed my birthday she said she felt so bad and she'd been an idiot and she was so sorry!
She told me that she thinks I am very pretty and is definitely attracted to me :eek:

We went on to get incredibly drunk the rest of the night and when we got back to hers (I was staying the night there) she threw up loads. In the morning she was still sick and had a massive hangover so I left there in the morning so she could sleep it off. And we haven't had a chance to talk about things properly yet but she knows how much I like her at least.

Now I really want to try and win her over I want to try and convince her to date me. I know she liked that guy but he's all the way in Australia (we're in the UK) and she'd already told me that he was a player and it wasn't anything serious. She'd also told that he is coming to Europe for three months in July and she was planning to go travelling with him. I figure that gives me nine months to try and woo her. I think I've got home advantage because I'm here and he's there and how would she have a serious relationship with him anyway? and he's as much of a player as she said then why would he wait nine months for her?

Doe's anybody have any ideas on how to woo her? What should I do? I don't really have any money to take her out nice places but I thought I could make sure I look nice, nice clothes and hair and make up, and try and be really sweet and nice to her and be a good friend... cook her dinner maybe?

Btw she told me that she had wanted to kiss me before she went on holiday but didn't want to take advantage of me I wish she had! :bang:

One good thing that has happened since then is that all the turmoil and confusion over my sexuality has evaporated I know for sure I am bisexual! :newcolor:

 

Hey thanks so much, nothing has really happened between us but at least she knows that I like her and she likes me I really hope she will consider dating me. I don't know how to flirt with guys or girls lol I'm really rubbish at that sort thing.
I'll keep you updated

 

Problem is though that I want her... :icon_redf

 

Aww I really hope she does madi but she could still be hung up on that guy she slept with or she may not want a relationship with me :icon_sad: I don't know I'm such a pessimist about this...
I'd asked her on Saturday to go to a fireworks with me on Monday but she text me saying she couldn't come because the day before had taken so much out of her what with her being really sick/hung over most of Sunday (this was true).
Today I text her asking if she was coming to the humanist group social (the group where we met) she said no because she wanted to go home and eat and rest after work. She's funny like that she doesn't like spending loads of money on eating out all the time she's said this before and she works hard all day so this is nothing new but part of me still thinks she is blowing me off... I dunno maybe I'm just reading to much into things... Anyhow I'm going to wait for her to contact me to tell me when she is free.

 

Yes you could be right. Don't worry I'll let you know what happens (*hug*)