Hello,first of all since I was about 15 I've been attracted to a man, at the start I was refusing myself to even think I'm gay but at some points I accepted it and the other days I was depressed about it and tried to think I'm straight. I always had a dream of living in a nice house and being married with a women but over the years I do know for a fact I'm strongly attracted to a man and because of this I block myself from trying to make friends, I always hear in college the way people talk about gays, the reaction when they see gays and even when something bad happens you always hear "this is gay". Now for many years I didn't have real friends (I'm 18 now) and that happened when I started to be having feelings for a men which I was terrified of so I blocked myself thinking is for the good. I feel so lonely because I can't tell anyone about this, funny enough my parents always go on about how they want to be grandparents one day... and I don't want kids, I know for a fact it would be too painful. Recently I even noticed I would actually like to have a boyfriend, someone worth caring for and someone who will do it back and without this I feel so alone and depressed all the time. I know for a fact I haven't fully accepted that I'm gay but a part of me wants a boyfriend and friends. Writing this on forum is already a huge step for me. Thanks for the replays in advance. :icon_bigg
Welcome to EC! I assume this is your first post? That's great! Work on accepting yourself with love, gentleness, and a positive attitude. It's keeps me going on the right path when I feel sad. 18... you're a year older than me, are you still in high school? If so, I think about how different it will be once we get out of high school. I think it will be better and we will meet people. I have thought about finding like a support group or some form of LGBT meetings. Would you be willing to do that? I bet it would help with feeling depressed and lonely, because, well.. Saying you can't tell anyone really does make one feel lonely right? I used to have that mindset of "I can't tell anyone" and trying to make myself straight, it's frustrating and isolating to corner yourself and try and change something that just can't be changed. My parents talk about grandkids all the time too, but think of it like this. If you were a football player, and they always talked about how they wanted you to play it the rest of your life, and you didn't really want to play nor were all that great at it, would you still do it? Wouldn't you at some point tell them no?, even if it disappoints them? (excuse my horrible analogy) Your still early in the acceptance, and so am I. Your'e not alone, you have all of us on EC, and you can talk to someone anytime on here. And I'm positive you have many, many people who love you dearly, and who's opinions won't change because you may be gay. If it does, they aren't worth your time. "Do whatever it takes to make your life worth living" -Kate Bornstein. (you can look her up on Youtube or something) Hope I could help you out a bit.
Hello and welcome to EC, I know how you feel bro, I mean I just came out to a few friends 2 days ago. Once you get that first person out of the way, i feel that your self confidence will just boost right up, as it did for me. If you need any advice on how to come out, just do it in a text message while you are away I have now told 4 of my closer friends and they all said that they accept me for who I am, because that is what friends are for. This is a great place to start raising your self acceptance, it is what helped me lift that huge buron off of my shoulders, and I hope we can help you too
For me is kind of still to earlier to find any meetings. Due to the pure fact I haven't accepted it myself yet but I really want to. Is just the people around me stopping from doing so. ---------- Post added 1st Nov 2012 at 01:30 AM ---------- Well the problem is I haven't got any real friends, I got college people that I talk with but when I found out what I feel for a man I avoided people and getting to know them outside of college.
Hi misio, Welcome to EC. I'm pretty new here myself, but I've been reading the forums for a while now and it seems like a supportive and understanding community. I know that feeling of being lonely, of being the only person who knows your true self. I would follow jvn95's advice and find a support group of some sort. Have you checked if there are any in your country? I know finding one might prove difficult but this is when EC comes to the rescue! Some people use "that's so gay" or other derogatory words and phrases in casual conversations, but don't let it discourage you. It doesn't always mean they're homophobic. Often times they're simply unaware how bad it can make gay people feel. Once they get to know a gay person, they might change their attitude (for better). Making friends may seem difficult, but it really gets easier as time goes by. Please stay patient and I'm sure you'll find many new acquaintances or maybe even a boyfriend. Cheers
