Me and my best friend have spent more time together this past year and a half than we have with our families. We do everything together and we way as well be brothers. However, I love him to pieces. I don't mean any high school crush, he means way more to me than that. Last year he told everyone he was bisexual, of course I jumped right in. We had a brief sexual encounter but it left him feeling deeply ashamed. He wouldn't go near me, acted homophobic and told everyone he was straight. It hurt me for many months until we almost broke our friendship due to me being depressed all he time. I moved on eventually, accepting nothing would change, and yet again we grew incredibley close. Monday night before this post, he slept with me in a double bed. Completely harmless sleepover. Yet, for some reason I felt possessed to ask him a question, even after everything, I asked for sex. He replied, rather bluntly, "yeah, alright". And so, we did! but this is what I don't understand, things are looking like they will end up he same way as last time and I'm scared as I don't want to fall into the pit again. Ive tried talking to him but he keeps avoiding the issue, like it never happened. What do I do?
First of all, for your own well-being you need to cut off the tap. Stop any and all sexual encounters with him. I know it wont be easy, but they certainly arent helping the situation. Secondly, for him, he is obviously going through some serious shame. Possibly not even denial as he is willing to still have sexual encounters with you. Personally, I would go over his house one day, be alone, and just talk with him. Not about you, or your relationships, but about himself and his issues, as best friends normally would. You cant force him to talk to you, but I would do my best to drag it out of him. I have seen too many men fall down the path that he is going through and end up with a wife and kids twenty years later, miserable. Even if he is bisexual and could be happy in such a situation, one is never happy living in shame and secret. He doesnt deserve that and neither does his possible future family.
He told me on Monday that he was bisexual all along, I think eventually he will come out. I have a feeling he is using me as a way to try both, he's definitely got straight feelings after seeing his browsing history (totally by accident I may add). He could easily settle down with a girl and have no regrets. I just don't get it at all. One thing I've noticed this time though is that he still hugs me and says "love you" etc. He hasn't gone totally homophobic on me this time.
Oh I wasnt saying that he wouldnt be happy with a women, just that he wouldnt if he didnt confront reality and accepted himself. If he seems to be taking it better this time than that is great. Its good that he was able to start to accept things faster. Its just always good to be conscious because there are many who take it harder for years and often it is because they have no one to turn to. As far as, both of your relationship, I wouldnt put to much thought into his affection at the moment. Its good to know that he cares, but either way it probably isnt the best idea for you guys to be in a relationship until he is fully at ease with himself. I would just take things slow, dont over think anything.
I agree with Gen, try and cut it out with the sexual approaches. You like this guy, you wanna be with this guy, then take it slow, step by step. If you jump up too many stairs at once, you're gonna fall. So just try keepin it cool. You may have to let him set his pace and you just keep to it, ok?
Ok, I'll take it slow. Going to have a good long chat with him on his own tonight about it all, tell him that maybe sex was too quick and we need to take it a step at a time. Thanks for your time and knowledge, I feel a lot better now I know what needs to be done.
