"You can't support people who support things like abortion, or who support gay rights and claim to be on God's side." My dad and my uncle are having a political/religious discussion upstairs and I overheard him say that exact phrase. It makes me intensely sad that I can't be myself at home, the one place I'm supposed to feel safe, and that I'm actually becoming more comfortable in the real world than I am here. I've heard far more, and somewhat worse than this around here but this is another example of why home is quickly becoming the only place is I'm really closeted. By the middle of the year, I should be financially prepared to move out, but that seems so far away. Sigh, when I hear this talk, it makes me simultaneously want to curl up in a ball, and just march upstairs and unleash myself. I feel no shame for who I am. For the first time I understand myself and kind of like me. I don't feel that there's anything wrong with me, I know there's not. I'm sorry. For the most part I try to keep my posts on the positive side, but I heard that and it just set me off. Eight more months till July, my projected moving date. I've gone this long, I can go a bit longer. Thanks for listening.
sometime people change their opinions when know that their relatives or friends are gay, when thay face real people rather than myths...
You have to understand your father is merely taking a common conservative political stance, which may or may not mean a whole lot. Many people blurt out offensive things without really meaning it. I don't support abortion at all(I consider it murder) and I in no way believe in fairy tales, nor do I think any religion deserves the respect or attention it receives, nor do I respect other peoples religious views because that is to ask me to respect someone who believes in the Tooth Fairy. So your father doesn't need Christianity to not support abortion, but he does need them to have anti-gay thoughts in that sense. So at least know that his problem with homosexuality is merely from his religion and is most likely a malleable part of his ideals. Nothing in nature says being gay is wrong, it really is only an issue because of religion. --- My Dad said plenty of homophobic shit over the years, and he knows I am gay, and is completely fine with it, his sister is also a lesbian. So do understand people say things just for saying it.
I'm really sorry that your dad is being so terrible. My guess is that you're not out to him, so he doesn't know what harm he's doing. Another guess I'm going to make is that he probably won't care either. Hopefully you'll be able to move out if he won't accept you. I just can't imagine how terrible that must be.
I'm sorry to hear that after such a positive experience (coming out to your cousin), you have to hear this. I agree with Yuliya that, sometimes people do change their opinions when faced with the people they love vs. myths, but unfortunately, it's not always the case. I don't really have any advice this time, but just keep thinking of how good it will when you can move, and you will get through this. (*hug*)
I am sorry that you don't feel that you can be yourself at home. One my cousins is in a lesbian in LTR with to kids. My Mother calls them the "test tube twins " and told to be carefuller near lgbt people so I don't get raped. And I also live at home with my mother. The joy lol I am look at June as my move out date.
My God, this is one of my least favorite stereotypes about lgbt people. That we're all going to sexual harass/rape/hit on/touch straight people. ---------- Post added 2nd Nov 2012 at 01:43 PM ---------- Don't worry you didn't offend me. I just despise that misconception about us.
- I am waiting for my moving date too. :badgrin: As soon as I get my own apartment, things will happen... naughty things.
Don't be sorry Alexis, I think most of us come here for help and camaraderie as well! I'm very sorry you had to hear that, but as has been said above me, your father was engaged in a heated conversation regarding politics, and while this almost certainly does reflect his thoughts, it doesn't mean it is set in stone or not subject to change when/if he finds out that his child is one of those he dismisses and disparages so freely now. I realise this doesn't help or give much in the way of advice, but I had to comment. You've made many great changes and leaps in the week+ I've known of you, and I know things will come together for you entirely at some point. Sometimes we hit speed bumps and sometimes we find snow covered and near impassable mountains, and not always is the journey enjoyable, but when you arrive you know you've seen the best and worst of things, learned from it, and have made the right choices and are surrounded by those who care.
Thank you everybody for your support I'm doing better today. I do want to clarify, because it seems like every time I mention this little quote to somebody, the response tends to focus on the religious aspect of it, and that's not what's bothering me. I completely respect everybody's right to believe what they choose to believe. I've grown up in a christian family, and while I've developed very strong feelings on the subject, I never say a negative thing to them about what they believe, or make them feel bad because I may disagree with them. I believe what I believe, and they believe what they believe. The part that bothered me immensely is that the comment pretty accurately reflects how he feels, regardless of the God component. Growing up all my life I've been hearing anti gay comments off and on from him. I'll admit that I haven't heard much on the Trans issue because it so rarely comes up, but as I said to a friend, I can't imagine somebody who's anti gay like that, somehow being perfectly fine with Transgendered. My mother, my sister, even my cousin and her husband recommend against telling my father about this until it can't be avoided. I was talking to my mother the other night, and I told her that I have a feeling that this will be the end of my relationship with him, and she said she'd like to think differently, but she can't deny the strong possibility that I'm right. As I said, I'm doing better today. I've been on something of an emotional high since I started undertaking this next step in my life. I've felt so good about accepting myself and taking charge, telling my friends, and going out as female in public that there's been little to no negativity on my part. I've worried and wondered about how I would react when something dropped my mood. In the past I probably would have gone right back into repression and that would have been the end of that. I think that the fear of doing just that is what's pressed me forward so quickly over the last month. I think I've wanted to get as much of myself out there as I could so that when something like this hit, I would be too far out to push myself back in. In a way I'm kind of glad to have heard the comment, and have had the negative feelings over the last couple of days. If anything it's helped to ground me back in reality, and remind me that this isn't always going to be easy or pleasant, but that it's something I have to do regardless. In a way, it's kind of nice to come down from that high and let myself feel all sides of this. With something as major as this, I don't think it's healthy to only feel the positive. It's a major life change, a needed one, but major none the less, and as a friend said to me, to go into something like that with no worries or doubts would be insane. (I've kind of paraphrased that a little ) I have worries, and I have doubts, not about whether this is right or not so much as whether I'll actually be able to push myself forward to fruition, and I need to be feeling that as much as I feel anything else. Alan, you said you're sorry I had to hear that. I'm not. If anything it's strengthened my resolve. Once again, thank you to those who responded. I appreciate the support
Glad you're feeling better, I hope your dad understands one day. I'm all too used to hearing those comments from my dad as well, I'm sure it's not as much as yours, but mine did say he believed all gay people should be put in jail "like they used to".. I remember him being negative toward.. I think it was marriage equality in New York. I said how good it was and he was definitely the opposite. He wasn't aware that bisexual people kill themselves like gay people do... He said bi people aren't as bad off as gay people, but they are screwed up in the head. Says/said "ew" or something similiar when two guys kiss on TV. (He actually WILL watch LGBT+-friendly shows, so not like alot of people.) He said it was disgusting that they showed two women kissing on Secret Life. He's even said "fag." I had to leave the room at that one. Even my mother. She was always so sad about the equality issue. They're both conservative Christians mostly, so I didn't want them to think I was going to Hell, or hurt them. My mom once said "But you're not supposed to be gay." We watch Glee together, she was so sad when they merely suggested one of the 12 apostles could have been gay.. and I said maybe they were, we're all sinners right? She was practically in tears. Rachel's dads? They're not both her dad. She didn't believe in marriage equality. These comments stick with you. So when I told them... they said they loved me. My dad told me they love me, accept me, and support me. My mother told me the next day she will always love me for who I am.
Thank you for that its nice to hear that coming out went well for someone who had reason to fear the same things I do. I have my doubts, but I like to hope it will go that well for me as well.
