High School Crush Dilemma

Hi everyone! I'm new here and this is pretty much my first post.

I've got a dilemma, and it's going to be a long one, so I apologize if this OP is a bit too long .

So, I'm fifteen and gay, and I go to this small little school. It's in the Northeast US, and it's very supportive, liberal, and open. The entire region is, actually.

Anyways, the school is nice and small, and I love it. I'm closeted still, and I don't feel the need to come out just yet. I will eventually, but I'd rather focus on other things first. My big problem is I have a lingering crush on someone and I kinda want advice from other gay people.

I'm a man, and my crush is too obviously. I met him when I met everyone else in the school, which is when I first arrived there in eigth grade (the school is both middle and high school). He has a maternal twin brother who looks nothing like him, and both of them are popular and have lots of friends. They are also pretty nice from what I see.

There was another kid I met who was also pretty nice. He always sat with me in the beginning of the year when I was alone, and complemented all the drawings I did when I sat alone. As time went on, I realized that he was annoying and a jerk, which is what everybody thinks of him to this day. I started completely ignoring him, which he eat right up. After I started ignoring him, he constantly said "Hi! Hi! WHAT'S UP!???" and put his open hand in my face for a handshake. So, yeah, that happened.

So one day in one of my classes, my future crush asked me "Why do you hate him?", while the annoying kid purposely sat himself right next to me. Being literally insane, I made my future crush my enemy. I guess it was because he dabbled in affairs that weren't his :icon_bigg

Now, every time I looked at him, he wagged his tongue at me... And he would continue to do that for the rest of the year. It didn't help that I kept calling him "trash".

The year came to a close, and summer began. After Hurricane Irene in August, my power was knocked out at my house. I decided to go for a walk. While walking in an narrow street, I encountered my crush and his buddies.

"Do I get a 'hi'?" he asked. I simply shook my head and kept walking.

9th grade then began. It soon would be the most explosive year, like, ever.

On the first day I found out my locker was literally and physically right next to his. After that the tongue-wagging commenced. I told my mother a bunch of times, and she said simply "He's just flirting with you". And that was when the crush began, sometime in September or October.

I was immediately smitten, and regarded him as mind-numbingly attractive. Soon, I began facebook messaging him. He seemed pretty nice and eager to talk to me almost. I also talked to him a lot more at our lockers. Even better, the tongue wagging stopped completely.

One time I mentioned I was in culinary arts, to which he said "A girl loves a guy who can cook! " This made me pretty nauseous. From then on, I had that message stamped into my brain.

However, I guess he made up for it later on, by using the '' emoticon and saying really nice things.

At our lockers, we became increasingly physical. Once I accidentally tried to open his locker, and when he found me, he blockaded me with both of his arms. When I broke free he said "You're a dick!" One time out of the blue he felt me up. Just... yeah. He began by rubbing my sides and arms, and only stopped when I repeated "Thank You!" a dozen or more times. I feel like his friend told him to.

He began staring at me a lot.

Christmas break eventually came. At our lockers, some kid came by to say good-bye to him. "I love you!" He screamed jokingly, to where my crush screamed "I love you too!". My crush then turned to me, and said "I'm not..." and then stopped and looked away. Seconds later another boy came by and jokingly hugged him, and then another. All the while my crush maintained constant eye contact with me. I was totally glazed over and I would feel glazed over and tranquil many more times with him.

Shortly after, I gave him my number, which he asked for a while ago, but I then had a crap phone. I got a new one for christmas, and we texted over the entire winter break it seemed. He always texted me first, which made me smile.

2012 then dawned and I returned to school. I started noticing that my crush, because he is popular, is obliged to hug all of his lady-friends. I got a little jealous at first, but I got rid of that after a few days or so. Maybe he started looking at girls' butts...

February came and the texting went. He just suddenly stopped texting and facebooking me, so stopped also. In the lunch later in the month, he might've said "That's so GAY!". Maybe he didn't, but he sure did a good job at saying it as loud and ridiculous as humanly possible. He is also no stranger to using the words "fag" and "faggot" either. One time I heard him say it (fag), and upon looking at me, he stopped saying and he looks as if he'd seen a ghost.

However, we only got a closer afterwards. Because we began to physically get a little more intimate, I noticed a crucifix was around his neck. He is an ardent christian who just loves jesus. He's a democrat though, so that's re-assuring .

So yeah, we got closer and closer, and his voice began to get more and more soft and considerate. "Good morning, [name]" was spoken with flirty-ness and soft-ness. Later in the first week of March, he began describing some girl who had her underwear showing, and how it absolutely grossed him out.

Later on, a few weeks after I saw my school's rendition of "Little Shop of Horrors", some kid drew a penis on my crush's locker. Upon seeing, he wagged his tongue at it. Another time he lightly touched it and said something obscure. Around this time his speech began to get flustered, and it seems he was nervous to be around me.

I told him later that my birthday was approaching, to where he offered to draw me a picture. I said I would like that. A picture never came, and he only said "Happy Birthday" once. The physical closeness continued, and he continued to stare. A few times he tried to talk to me, he was always interrupted by that annoying kid from eigth grade.

I officially ended my crush on May 31st, when rumor was going around that my crush wanted to take some girl out to our school dance. At this point, we pretty much stopped talking to each other.

Freshman year ended, and then summer vacation ended, and now Sophomore year begins.

It is now November 2012, and I don't know when I'll go back to school because of Hurricane Sandy. In contrast to us sharing no classes last year but only a locker, me and my crush share a single class and we all have the same lockers as last year.

Oddly, I now am crushing over his brother. It is not a wise idea, but whatevs. He doesn't seem to like the term "That's gay" or "that's so gay". One thing that bothers me is a facebook post he made once, quoting a Lil Wayne song: "I'll put her on my plate, and then I'll do the dishes." But then again he could've quoted something from Lil Wayne's part in "The Motto". He's also into rap and commonly puts up gang signs on his facebook profile. Other than that he seems nice, and we share a single class together. I talk to him sometimes, but he is usually quiet.

Now he seems to have taken his brother's place as the "popular" one. All the girls hug him now, instead of his brother.

So my dilemma is is that I don't know if I should pursue something with them, or drop it. Do you guys think one of them is gay or questioning or bi? Any advice is vastly appreciated.

Again, I am very sorry this post was long, but I'm a writer, so...

 

Thank you so much for your advice. I'll take it slow and stuff and focus on who treats me kindly. My crush recently asked me how I was doing in our class together. He seemed pretty sincere and after I replied with "I'm good" he said he was happy to hear that.

However, one thing I forget to mention is something his brother did in eight grade. It was when tongues were getting wagged at me, and my crush's brother came up to me and asked "So, you hate my brother?". It was at a school dance and all of his friends were around him. What do you think of that? It happened so long ago, so he might have been flirting or whatever.

Btw, I find it kinda funny when you mention that I should focus on only 1 at a time .

Thank you for your advice ! I'm glad to hear there might have been something there, and I'm also glad you mentioned exploring with them. I'll think about it.

 

For a quick little edit, a certain thing I forgot in the OP: Sometimes, nearing the end of freshman year, me and my crush's brother brushed and lightly touched hands at our lockers. He is two lockers away from me.