I've beem in love with a guy since freshman year now im a junior. When I first met him I didn't really like him at all, but for some reason I guess I started to fall in love with him. He was the first person I actually came out to in person to and he accpeted me, however when i told him my real feelings for him he said that he couldn't be with a guy. But I just couldn't believe him. I felt and in some way still feel he is really gay although he has had several relationships with girls that had whole fully broken my heart. I always felt that he actually ahd feeling for me, but didn't know how to express him, because I loved him so much. My freinds have told me otherwise: how I not actually in love (of which I disagree), how I need to move one, and how he's a jerk. I find the blame lies equally with me as it does him- infact I think its my fault for putting my freinds through all my problems and by changing my opinion of him so frequently ( by which i am refering to being conflicted and one day deciding that I need to get over him and talking about how much of a jerk he is then the next pursueing him and hoping that what ever I said doesn't reach him). I constantly put my heart on the line for him to crush it that is my problem. I'm just unsure if anyone will really love me. I love him so much and I know that means that sometimes you have to let people go, and I try. I try my best to stay out his life, but it kills me to not tell him how I feel. Usually we go through periods of ignoring eachother that kills me too. I really just don't know what to do. Move on??... I if I should how? My family doesn't really support me and I really have no freedom. I try to make advocates out of my peers, but they don't really listen, so I don't really push them to. I just need some help and someone to talk to that will listen and a healthy way to get rid of all this stress. P.S. But I am thoroughly sure I love him, and I think I could wait for him if he is gay,but is it right should I move on. Would it be best for him?
I think it would be best to try and move on since it doesn't sound like he is going to ever feel the same for you. It's not really worth the heartache of putting yourself out there to someone who's not going to return the feelings. He is aware that you like/love him and that is about all you can do, the rest is up to him. Has he ever done/said anything to make you feel that he could be gay/bi? I would start by limiting contact with him if it's too hard to remain friends. If he notices what you are doing and really values the friendship, then let him come to you, that is if you want to be friends.
Thank you. I think I understand now. I think I just needed to hear that he would never return my feelings for him. I kept pursueing him because I hoped that some day he would come around, but now I see it is evident that her doesn't care anything about or even acknowledges my feelings. I forgave his prejiduice because I thought he was struggling to come out. Now I see it was just prejiduice. He knew I liked him, he just didn't care, he was to absorbed in his own life to even care about mine. Even if he were not absorbed within his own life I would probably be thelast thing he thought about. He used me to become more confident within himself... I thank you so much for helping me realize that. He was a jerk.
