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Almost Came Out to my Parents... But Couldn't

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Adarya, Nov 2, 2012.

  1. Adarya

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    Yesterday, my sister came home with great news; she finally got accepted into something that could help her in her future singing career. So, of course, everyone in the family was extremely happy for her and my parents were in a good mood. They told her how proud they were of her, but then that eventually brought up a discussion we had a couple weeks ago were she said that they didn't love her and would disown her (for reasons why, I actually have no idea). My parents told her that they would never disown her and proceeded to tell her they would love her- and me- no matter what.

    When my sister disappeared to her room and I was left downstairs discussing with them they also told me how they loved me and how proud they were of me, too. I couldn't help but suddenly think that that moment was the right time to come out to them. They were in a good and relaxed mood, they had reassured me that they loved me, and they said they would love me no matter what....but I couldn't tell them. Right when I was about to say it, it just left me and I could no longer do it. The whole "your father is a homophobic Christian" and "You mother wants and needs you absolutely perfect" came crashing down on me again and I lost everything that I was about to say.

    I thought that the reason that I couldn’t say it was because I couldn’t rain on my sister’s parade; it was her day to shine in front of our parents and I couldn’t take away their happy and proud moods by telling them I’m a lesbian. But it’s still bothering me; I could’ve told them so easily, but my courage disappeared when I needed it.

    Does anyone have any idea why?

    It’s now frustrating me to no end :bang:
     
  2. metoo

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    It is always hard, especcially with family because they will always be there and you will never be able to take it back.

    When I came out to my sister, I just forced my self to tell her after I had heated up the peas. (we were eating dinner) You really have to know before you go into the situation wheather you are going to tell them or not, and unless something horrible happens, force yourself to tell them.

    Remember they are your parents and you see them more quite a bit, so it is not as if you missed your only chance. Other times will come up.

    Congradulations to you sister and Good Luck to you.

    :goodluck:
     
  3. Mirko

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    Hi there! As metoo mentioned, it is hard to come out to parents and other family members. It is okay if it doesn't happen. Trying in itself is already a step and something not to lose sight of. With every try, you are coming closer of eventually being able to tell them.

    Knowing the 'expectations' of your parents and also that your dad/parents are Christians has most likely something to do with your hesitation to come out to them. At the same time, your parents told you something very important:

    That is something to keep in mind. There might an 'adjustment of our dreams' period but your parents might also surprise you. Have they ever given you any indications that they would not be supportive?

    If you feel that your dad might not be as supportive or needs a longer time to come around, you could always try coming out to your mom first. Are you out to your sister?
     
  4. RueBea85

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    I agree that you really have to know beforehand whether you're going to tell your parents or not. The way I came out to my mom was I called her and told her I had something important to tell her, I asked if we could meet up and she kept asking me what it was I wanted to tell her. Once we got together and were alone, I finally told her. It took me about 5 or 10 minutes to tell her, but I finally did it. She wasn't/isn't disappointed at all and that gave me the courage to tell my dad that same night. She sat in the room with me as I told him. He didn't say much but I'm so glad I told both my parents on Wednesday.

    It is one of the toughest things to come out to your parents but once you do, you'll wonder why you never told them sooner! Well at least that's how I feel, and I've heard others who have felt that way as well.
     
  5. Adarya

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    Thank you for the advice, and to Mirko- I am out to my sister. I told her a while ago when we were talking about dating and she just randomly asked if I was a lesbian and I didn't feel compelled to lie to her.

    I have actually been thinking for a while now about coming out to my mother first. It seems like she would be more accepting at the moment than my father who I think would give me the cold shoulder/not achknowledge me for a while, but would eventually come around (I hope). My mother is the one that is more open minded, so I think she would take it differently than my father who has that whole small town mindset.

    I know I'll get more chances soon enough
     
    #5 Adarya, Nov 2, 2012
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2012