Hi, I came out for the first time at 25, am now 29, and have had very few sexual/romantic experiences and have never had a boyfriend or seen anyone for more than a couple of dates. I really want to start living my life (at least have some cuddles at night!) but I am very embarrassed about my lack of experience and generally uncomfortable about intimacy. I want it, but I feel like I am on a completely different level than any guy I have met because of my age and where I am at in my (un)romantic life, and feel that it makes the whole situation awkward. I also think my discomfort is conveyed in the way I act around guys, and that it maybe puts them off. So I end up avoiding meeting people for the most part, and then being very sad about being alone...a vicious cycle. I don't feel like I am unappealing; I'm happy with my physical appearance, am very personable, accomplished in academics, and have lots of friends...but somehow I always convince myself that none of that matters, when it comes down to it I am so immature with intimacy it's just better I avoid contact. I also carry a fair bit of baggage from a nasty experience with a guy I was smitten with right when I came out, but who never reciprocated, but still manipulated my feelings to get me to support his drug addiction; I'm sure this has caused a lot of my negative self-feelings. No matter how many times I come to realize I am my own worst enemy, it's all in my state of mind, I can't get myself to change my behaviour, and it is making me very depressed! Does anyone have a similar experience and has something helpful to say? Thanks for listening!
The fact your equating good looks, and academics into a persons worth shows you you are not comfortable with yourself. Try not to include those in your list of what makes you an attractive person. Yes they are bonuses, but they are also vain bonuses. I know several "morons" that have University BA's or Masters in Geography, English or whatever, that talk down to others because of this, including me. I have never been to University, nor will I ever go(I was booted out of highschool with straight 80's because my principle had a problem with me). I have been suicidal since I was 16-21(getting betternow) so school was never a priority. Yet I was classified as enhanced, can speak fluent french, and have more hours of education clocked in on the Internet than your average University student has for their so called piece of paper "masters". So please, don't specifically go for University grads, they are not always the intelligent ones and you will be missing out on a lot of good people by doing so. People are attracted to confident people, so stop thinking about whether others like you or not. If you find a guy that likes you, he won't care that you are a "noob". Everyone has to start someone, and you being gay gives you plenty of reason to be starting late. Homosexuals are generally more worldlier than heterosexuals, so I can't really see why it would be a problem. YOU ARE DEALING WITH A VERY OPEN MINDED AND UNDERSTANDING GROUP OF PEOPLE FOR THE MOST PART. Everything you have said makes sense, and has a reason,there should be no reason why another homosexual could not understand that. Stop being so nervous, they are understanding people, you should be comfortable around them more for that reason. I haven't really gone out dating myself(heavily in the closet) so I can't say my advice is solid, but I would think as a whole homosexuals are pretty accepting easy going people that you should have no problem relaxing and feeling comfortable around. I personally hate seeing people uncomfortable, so maybe that is offputting to others. When you seem uncomfortable you have to understand others around you may be experiencing the same anxieties you are. That is to say, your discomfort is making them feel like YOU don't like them, and YOU have a problem with them. Everyone is a bit self conscious and another persons discomfort can be easily translated into a problem with who ever is with that person. So that old adage "They're more afraid of you, than you are of them" kinda fits in here.
