I'm feeling happy right now. Can't really sleep and I felt like since I've alredy bothered you with sadness, why not with happiness? Few months back, middle of the night. I was there, just watching him sleep. Creepy, right? But I couldn't help it. His cheeks were red, his hair was all messy and curly and he had the cutest smile ever on his face. I was so close to him that I could feel him breathing. Great feeling, but a bit sad, since I knew nothing would ever happen and my heart would just keep aching for a long time. It still does, and will do. But I'm very happy for that, because it means I actually let myself have those feelings towards another guy. Few years back I was very lonely. I had one friend as I remember, and every day school was really awful, I felt out of place because I had serious problems on talking to anyone. Home wasn't exactly the best place to be either. People have problems. Everyone does. They do realize, though, they'll eventually be solved. But mine wouldn't: I'd leave school after some more years of loneliness and endless days, I'd study harder to get a job I didn't really like. I'd marry a woman I wasn't attracted to and have kids. Then I'd grow old and die, and be remembered for having lived a pathetic life. At least I would have 'fitted'. Same year, I started getting on with my classmates better. They're amazing friends now, and having their friendship is something I value a lot. That sort of holds me back on coming out and I don't really find the need of doing it now. But it really feels good to know I won't need to live a lie, I'll be able to be myself and have people around me that accept me for that, as well as someone I love that reciprocate my feelings... and to know that life is actually amazing - I'll just try and make the best out of it.
Hi there! It's great to hear/read that you have changed your outlook on your future. Enjoy your life, and continue building friendships. All of that will help you to continue on the path that you are on right now, which might also lead you to feel ready to come out one day, perhaps even to some of your current friends.
this is fantastic. there are so many problems that can be solved simply with optimism. i wish you luck and happiness <3
Good on you my friend you truly are an inspiration to me... I'm also - like you before me- 14 years old, quite inconfident and locked up...nobody to speak to in school... A lot of stuff can get me down for days on end... All I need to do Is have a positive outlook on what the future beyond school will hold...
Great to hear you've been able to turn things around and make the most of what you've got to work with in life! I've made some similar revelations over the course of the past year and I'm much happier with the person I've become since as well. Actually your whole post reminds me quite a bit of myself. I couldn't tell you how many times I've watched a certain, very special friend of mine in his sleep. He'd just lay there in a state of perfect innocent and natural tranquility, and I'd lay awake next to him.. totally transfixed by the rhythm of his beautiful body rising and falling in time. Wanting more than anything to place my arm around him but realising at the same time I'll never be able to show him the extent of my affection for him was a painfully bittersweet feeling. Not impossible to come to terms with though. One thing that this website's done a real job of putting into perspective for me is how many other boys there must be out there who share the same longing desires of requited love I have. It's lead me to the realization that meeting someone who'll take all I have to give and even give back to me in return is a very real possibility. And that it's just a matter of time before we find each other at last. Cause if nothing else, you can definitely bet on that we're not the only ones around still looking for that special guy. Lately just hopefully thoughts like that by themselves coupled with the company of brilliant, accepting friends have been enough to keep me on the sunny side of life~
