Okay, so back in June, I had come out to my parents and told them that I'm bisexual, but I was kinda forced into it and not prepared to say what I wanted to say. I had written a letter that I was going to give to them sometime before the summer was over, but by sister saw me put it away, and she kept asking what it was and wouldn't leave me alone, and when I became defensive, she immediately went to tell my parents that I was hiding something despite my efforts to stop her. After that, my dad came in and asked if there was something I wanted to talk to him about, and he wouldn't leave me alone, so I gave them the letter, and now that I look back on it, it was a really poorly written letter. It took my parents probably fifteen minutes to read it and gather their thoughts, and then they talked to me. The problem is, though, that after that day, I barely remembered any of our conversation, and it's just recently come back to me (weird, huh?). I kind of left them with the insinuation that I was going to somehow change into some perfectly heterosexual son, and that this was just a phase, and if I would have been more prepared, I don't think I would have done that. That being said, it makes sense how they kept completely quiet about it, save mentioning it once or twice throughout the summer if I was fine and me saying, "Yeah." I have this nagging feeling now that both of them have forgotten, or that they at least think that I'm gonna change. So am I going to have to come out again? 'Cause I really want to ask a guy out (if I get the chance) without keeping it a secret. I just need a little bit of advice here. P.S.: I feel really stupid for not remembering all of this crap earlier. :bang:
Hi there! Try to take a step back, I don't think it is all that bad. (*hug*) Reading through your post though, I am wondering, how did your parents react initially? Was there something in their reaction that made you say that your are trying to change? Depending on how you feel about it, I think one of the things you could do, and given that they have come back to you and asked you as to how your are doing/feeling over the summer, is to talk to them again and just clarify. It might also provide some reassurances to your parents, depending on how they reacted initially.
Well, my dad was crying when I came out to talk to them, and it scared me so much... I don't think I'll ever forget that image. He calmed down during our talk, but the fact that he, my father, was wiping away tears was really a horrible sight. I had asked if my parents were angry, and my dad said that they weren't angry, but rather disappointed. :icon_sad: And I forget exactly what it was they said that made me want to agree with them on this, but they said something along the lines of, "It's just a phase; it'll pass. You'll get through it." And I kinda just nodded my head. I think I'm probably gonna have to reassure my parents that everything's gonna be fine...
Hi there! Well, and as hard as it is going to be for your parents, you know that your feelings will not go way, and that it is not a phase. Having had that time in between, your parents had a lot of time to think and start 'adjusting to it.' It's possible that your parents (perhaps in particular your dad) still feel a sense of disappointment but talking with them, and providing them with reassurances that you are not changing as a son, and that you are still the same person, might go a long way in also helping them to come around to it. Maybe talking with them again, might help. Do you think you could enlist the support of PFLAG in Omaha, and maybe get your parents to attend a meeting with you? (*hug*)
Well, yeah, I was planning on talking to them anyway. I'm just trying to think of the best way to do it, and I'm trying to make sure I'm fully prepared this time. And I know my sister won't annoy me about it this time if she sees me with another letter since I've come out to her (she's very understanding). I could maybe get my parents to attend a meeting with me, but the thing I'm really planning on doing is getting them to watch the Matthew Vines video since they're very religious Catholics, and it might give them a different perspective.
Hey! Your parents will never forget that. You have no idea how crazy your parents are about you. When you were born, you instantly became everything that mattered to them, with the exception of siblings. They want you to be happy. I think you should live and worry about it when the time comes. It's not necessary for you to state what's probably obvious.. they want you to come to them when you're ready, if you're ready now, you should sit down with them, but be sure this time. I did the same thing with my mom over the years, acknowledging my same sex attractions and discrediting it as if it could be phase, but you grow older and those feelings intensify, there's nothing wrong with you saying that you've grown to know who you are, but don't feel obligated to do it either. You can't really go wrong here.
Okay, it's official, my parents think I changed. Apparently my sister was talking with my mom a couple days ago, and my sister said my mom said that I told her I thought I wasn't bi anymore... WTF? :eek: I never said anything about that! So now I'm more worried about telling my parents that I'm still bisexual... Jeez... It's so stressful, and I really don't need this stress right now...
It sounds to me like your mother may just be in denial of the fact so she's believing what she wants to believe. I'm starting to think that it's harder to come out as bisexual because for a parent it still leaves open the hope that you'll give up your thoughts for men and end up with a women and get married and have kids... You know the normal thing... But if you came out as fully gay then that hope is gone and they'll just have to accept it. One option you could do is to not stress about telling them now and wait until you actually begin to date a guy/guys. Then you could be like "hey look I haven't changed and this is who i am. Deal with it. I have." I myself am on the fence about telling my parents or just waiting until I'm actually dating a guy. I'm still unsure myself on this as well how to proceed.
