I am back again here after months (and even asked moderators to delete my profile). At that time I was so confused - I fell in love with someone and the feeling was not reciprocal. At the end of last year I even thought of being dead. But I survived. I am still in the closet (except to most of my family and some friends) and I have left London... for better or worse, returned to my country, which is a bit backward in GLBT rights. So I don't think I feel like coming out of the closet unless someone who looks like Chris Melloni suddenly falls for me and proposes me (so drama...hahaha). I am trying to be happier now, and rebuilding my life...(find a job, try to write, study a bit, play guitar, learn a bit hip hop etc.) One thing I want to ask you guys, do you think it's wise not to contact the one I fall in love with anymore? What I mean is, he already states that our relationship will never go anywhere, but he opens to play with me anytime we have a chance (and meet - we are not in the same country). The last two emails he sent me were three liners and asked how I was. Am I a bitch not to answer his emails anymore, because I feel that he writes me out of pity because he knows that I feel for him deeply. At the same time, I don't feel any genuine intention to keep anything more than just formal things, and I can't stand it and I feel unhappy every time I think how he shuts me from his life - not even share his feelings or his everyday life. I have decided not to answer his emails anymore and think that it's the best for us, because it releases him from the "obligation" to keep in touch with me, and at the same time, perhaps over time, with very little contact I can learn to forget him. Please let me know what you think. Thank you P.S I just realize I am not here for almost a year.
Hi John. In my opinion, and that's exactly what it is: an opinion, when something like this happens in life, I've found it best to take some time away from that person to sort yourself out a little bit. I'm not saying you should never speak to this person again, far from it. It just takes a little time to move on, and staying in contact with, or around that person just tends to cloud our emotions. If it were me, I'd let him know that you're doing alright, if that's the case, and that you just need some time to figure things out and move on. So, I think you're on the right train of thought about not wanting to be in contact with him again. I think after a little time, you'll be able to more accurately decide whether you can come to a place where you and he can be friends, or if there's no future in that. I guess what I'm saying, is that you don't necessarily have to burn that bridge yet, just let him know that it's closed for repairs. Then you can be the one to decide whether or not you want to reopen it. I hope this helps Good luck.
First of all, aaaaaargh, how could you leave London? :< What didn't you like of it? Second, I don't want to sound mean, especially because I don't know your situation with the guy in details, but I think it's best to end it as soon as possible :\
Hi Alexis, thank you for your insightful opinion. I think you are right. It's not okay for me as well to leave without any words at all... Once again thank you. It seems you understand my feeling very well. P.S. It is I who suffer more if I close the bridge... But I guess life must go on. ---------- Post added 3rd Nov 2012 at 12:38 PM ---------- I like London and even I have a best friend there. But it's hard to find a job there as a foreigner, except becoming a cleaner ... But I loved walking along the way from Vauxhall to Charing X, through the embankments at night. It was beautiful (I did that several days before leaving). Yes, it's a bit complicated (I feel for him more than he feels for me) and you are right I need to sort out my feeling and try to forget him. I wish my mind could let him go that easily.
Dealing with unrequited feelings can be extremely difficult. I've been there and (present situation excluded) it was one of the most difficult things I've gone through in my life. For me, it was a relationship that ended that I just couldn't let go of. I was convinced I was still in love with her, and just couldn't come off of it. The worst part was that we worked together and had decided to remain friends afterward. Who honestly does that? People break up and say they're going to be friends, but who honestly follows through on that. So, when I moved several hours away with my job, I kind of broke off contact with her for a while, let her know that I needed time to finally deal with it. It was immensely helpful for me. In my case, afterward we connected again and now she's my very best friend in the world. I don't think that's anything approaching the norm in life but the real point, is that kind of putting her out of my life for a while, gave me the chance to clear my thoughts, and gain some perspective. When it was time to decide whether I wanted to open that bridge again, I was able to do so without those past feelings clouding me. You may or may not reopen it, but if you take some time apart, you'll be able to make that decision with a clear head. On another note, I do think it's right to let him know your intent. On the off chance that you do decide to contact him down the line again when you've come to terms with your feelings, it'll make it easier, and won't leave him feeling such a bitter taste for being simply cut out without notice. Once again, good luck!
So, you are a Vauxhall type Anyway, it's a bit hard I agree :\ I so know what you mean by saying "I wish my mind could let him go that easily.", although I would say "my heart" :\ x
Thank you very much for that nice advice, Alexis.. I just answered his email, although after rethinking, I still feel the bitterness in my answers, perhaps I must make another one clarifying with a better worded email...
