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could I be fooling myself? am i really straight?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by tapsilog2012, Nov 3, 2012.

  1. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    Im just wondering if there is any chance I am fooling myself into thinking I am gay. Ive never done anything with another girl besides make out.

    My fantasies are always about women.

    But Ive had crushes on guys more than women.

    I know this means I am biromantic. So basically if I care about a guy enough couldnt I just spread my legs and let him do me in order to "keep him"? Isnt that what a lot of wives do for their husbands anyways? It seems like a massive chore but the security of keeping a guy around is appealing enough that maybe I should just "work harder" and push myself to have sex.

    Is there anything wrong with doing this?
     
  2. nwonderlad

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    "So basically if I care about a guy enough couldnt I just spread my legs and let him do me in order to "keep him"? Isnt that what a lot of wives do for their husbands anyways?" - I'm sorry, where do you live? :O

    First of all, I would say that you are bisexual. That's a fact. Attracted to both guys AND girls. Don't force yourself to have sex if you want to feel something (and I'm not talking about a guy's penis going up your vag*na) ... If you want feelings, just wait for the right person, either guy or girl, doesn't matter. You are bisexual :wink:
     
  3. J Snow

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    Don't EVER feel like you have have sex if you don't want to. If you have to have unwanted sex to be with someone, you'd be better off not being with them. It sounds to me like you are more sexually attract women then men. Maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet. I can actually kind of relate. I feel like I often find myself kind of "falling" for girls I get close to, but I'm really more interested in having sex with a man. I think perhaps you have just not met the right type of girl for you yet, but just keep an open mind and try not to worry too much about labels ;3
     
  4. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    @nwonderlad, if I consider myself bisexual, than I feel like I should just stay with my boyfriend and work harder.

    I cant think about guys when I fantasize, only girls.

    I get romantic crushes on guys though (like want to be close to them, spend all my time with them etc etc).

    How can I be biSEXUAL if I dont feel SEXUAL feelings for men?
     
  5. nwonderlad

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    You know, sexual orientation is no ALL about sexual desire. Fantasizing about girls it's enough to define you as Bisexual.

    Work harder for what? To become straight? Darling, is it really worth it? Isn't it easier to be who you are, accept who you are and love who you are just the way you are?
     
  6. ArlisSneakers

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    I think that if you find that you don't want to be with someone, you shouldn't. Why does it feel like work? Is it possible that you care about boys in a very family-like or platonic fashion? I'm not personally convinced that a person feels romantically attracted to a person if being physically intimate is a chore. Either that, or sex just isn't a good option for you as of now.
    Be patient. If you like someone, and want to be with them, then take that relationship at your own pace. I wish you the best of luck.

    I hoped this helped.

    -Arli
     
  7. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    I like cuddling with him and being close to him and care about him more than anyone in the world. I consider that romantic.

    I hope this isnt too graphic, but whenever I have sex I basically have to think about women the whole time in order to stay wet and for it not to be painful. I also basically just want him to blow his load and get it over with as fast as he can. He is very skilled so I know this is not the problem.

    Also (maybe TMI :icon_redf) whenever I masturbate I can ONLY think about women. I can try all I want to think about the hottest man I can possibly imagine, but "he" turns into a woman very quickly, and involuntarily.

    I used to be able to do this thing in order to have straight sex where I would basically imagine I was another woman being done by the guy (as in, I would imagine I was a hot woman). That way I could still think about a woman without having a straight up gay fantasy. I cant do that anymore though for some reason.

    So Im confused how this could make me biSEXUAL? Dont bisexuals have fantasies about both/all genders?

    I just dont want to say Im bisexual because that means I am attracted to men and I should make it work with my boyfriend.
     
  8. nwonderlad

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    Darling.... Sweetheart. You are lesbian then. Be happy, lesbians are great :grin:
     
  9. pinklov3ly

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    Wow! You just described me, I do not enjoy sexual intercourse. It doesn't feel good and it's uncomfortable :icon_redf

    I think you can know you're gay/lesbian without ever having sex with the same sex and you sound like you're gay :icon_wink
     
  10. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    @pinklovely thanks you make me feel more normal lol!

    The weird thing is I used to be able to enjoy sex with men, although they were all short term relationships. My ex and I lasted 5 years. But before that most of them only lasted a few months. I have very low self esteem (especially when I was younger) so it could just be the attention I craved or something.

    But every time during the sex I would do the "mind trick" imagining I was another woman (ie, the guy would be doing Shakira and I was Shakira, or whoever:icon_redf). I thought all "straight women" did this mind trick:rolle: Later I found the "mind trick" of just straight up thinking about having sex with another woman!

    I also didnt start masturbating until AFTER the first time I had sex. I didnt even know what masturbation was before that! And yes, the men turned into women in my mind the very first time I tried it. I thought it was normal and I just liked to think about women because it was "forbidden" or something!:confused:
     
    #10 tapsilog2012, Nov 3, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 3, 2012
  11. shaunnaj84

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    I too was once like you... I felt sexually attracted to women my whole life, fantasized about them, dreamt about being with them, even preferred watching them in porn... seeing a guy naked, being with a guy sexually NEVER did anything for me... I never had a REAL orgasm until I was with a woman sexually... however, I craved attention from men... I like the company of a man.... however relationship after relationship failed... I was clearly unhappy and I found that it was mainly due to the fact that I wasn't comfortable with them sexually.

    I am now in a great relationship with a woman and I consider myself to be 100% gay... I LOVE our sex.. its the best sex I've ever had in my life and I am much more happy and myself...

    I am not going to tell you who or what you may or may not be... I just wanted to share with you what I went through in my quest to figuring out my sexual orientation... I have LOVED a man.. I was even married once... but I have never been IN LOVE until I met my girlfriend :slight_smile:

    I hope that you just follow your heart and learn from your mistakes as you go.. and I honestly think that eventually you will find... you are a lesbian and that being who you truly are will give you the ultimate happiness in life. :slight_smile: