All energy is torn from me these past few days. My mind feels cluttered, even though i meditate regularly. My body feels depreived even though i try to satisfy it with every recipe (both healthy and sugary) i know. My soul feels like it's left me even though ive been socially active to satisfy my emotions. All my methods that have worked in the past so easily have failed me. I don't know what to do. Severe mood swings? Probable, but ive never had them like these before. It feels like my body and soul is preparing for something. It seems emotional yet i cant grapple whats wrong even through extensive self-analysation. As you all know ive already put a plan into motion for me to come out this year in school. It really weird and a bit of a stretch but as school draws nearer and my fate is undeniable, its like im dying. I cant think straight, im losing energy. I dont know as ive said my mind's in shambles and i probably sound like a rambling crazy person. I hope you can make sense of this. Is there anything i can do. Im hoping to fleet to wicca again, as ive been absent in that part of my life for so long. I feel above all else, it has always worked for me.
I had felt this way when I was preparing to come out to my online friends, I had felt so weird, like I might of been suffering from severe mood swings. You just need to try what you think is best.
Obsession is unhealthy. But for some reason, people don't seem to care. They do it anyways. Before I came out to my mom, I was hypervenalating, shaking, and all sorts of other fun stuff. But it was over so quickly, limp relief is most of what I remember from the experience. Waiting to come out has got to be one of the most stressful things ever. My advice would be find something to relieve stress. Exercise is a great way to relax, even if you have to completely trash yourself to do so. Personally, I like to spring for batting cages when I can. Relaxing when fixating on something is very hard. Like when you get a shot, if you think about it for even a second beforehand, your muscles tense, and the shot hurts like hell. If you completely ignore the needle, and it's just sprung on you, it feels much better because your muscles are relaxed. Like I said, obsession is unhealthy. If you keep on dwelling on coming out, you're going to go crazy. You should find distractions. School work, internet, exercise, anything. So good luck, and try not to rip your head apart :icon_wink
It's really weird, I always find myself really jittery, confused, and nervous right after I come out and pretty much fine before...hmmm... But yeah, if all else fails, you can just make a german chocolate cake :icon_wink.
I completely agree with you, suburbs. Im the same way. Not just with coming out either, If I have an interview or something important dealing with peoples reaction to me, it happens as well. Im usually fine before hand, maybe a few butterflies, but right after Im just crazy jitters out of excitement and nervousness that Id just done that. Coming out really takes a step out of character for me. (as ive stated before...) I always seem to find a really important moment that it NEEDS when I come out, I just go for it, and take a leap of faith. Then afterwards, Im excited cause it went well, and utterly shocked that I did it. its nice, I really like that feeling, I feel so true to myself.
Hey proud to be gay. Firstly, that post was really impressive, well written and it shows that you're really in tune with yourself, and one who crafts his own life. I think you need to postpone your coming out. This is the deal -- as it gets closer and closer, it putting you more and more in a spin. That is for a reason. What that reason is, and whether it is a good point or not, is a total different thing. But the point is, when the date comes that you have set yourself, you're not going to be in the right frame of mind to come out anyway. You're right in thinking that it may be intense -- but don't let that anxiety overcome you and take you away from your more centered thoughts. By taking off the countdown and getting rid of that for now, you'll be in a much better state of mind to figure understand those feelings. On another note, consider scaling down how you come out. Choose a close female friend or someone you really trust first. It feels better knowing you have allies before you really scale it up. jake
Well i'm out to every last one of my friends, there's NO ONE left that could even be in range of "close". Everyone who's even remotely close has been told, so i've made (or will make) a new post in my other thread. As my point of view has been updated now that i am reimmersed back into the school enviroment.
