I came out to my parents just over last year, and my parents merely brushed it off as a phase. Since then, they have been acting as if I never came out them at all - on one occasion, they accused me of having a boyfriend. My heterosexual siblings have dated white partners, much to the disapproval of my parents (although they begrudgingly accepted it). I worry about how my parents are going to react when it actually hits them that I am a lesbian, because I'm assuming they are in denial at the moment. What if I get into a serious relationship? What if I have children who are likely not going to inherit the family blood? I fear that might push them over the edge and they might isolate me or no longer want to associate with me anymore. My extended family are even more traditional than my immediate family. If I 'act' on my feelings, I will bring shame on my immediate family, and it's unfair for them to have to suffer because of my choices. It's becoming so bad that I have been dealing with a few personal issues like self-harm and is affecting my performance at college. Do you guys have advice? It's kind of like I'm waiting for my parents to disown me and that doesn't sit comfortably with me. It's unnerving. I would appreciate any advice or suggestions you have. I don't know any gay people offline and I haven't met anyone who understands the issues with being gay in a Chinese household, so hopefully you can help. Thanks in advance! (Also, I'm 17 so I'm not at university where I could probably consult an LGBT group).
Go to the group, I am sure there are people with stories similar to yours. I think the important thing to remember here is that you are gay, and you are the one that has to deal being gay. It is your life to live, not theirs and they will need to choose between having a relationship with you (their daughter) and their traditions. It doesn't make it any easier, but it is their problem and their loss if they can't see past their blinders. If you are financially independent, lay it on the line for them and tell them that this is how it is, you can't and don't want to change who you are, and then wait for them to come around. Hopefully they are like most parents and think that having a gay child is better than not having them at all! Either way, live your life in freedom and love. Enjoy every moment; after all you only have one life to live and you deserve happiness. Take care, and keep us posted! -The Seeker
Thanks The Seeker. As I haven't entered university yet, I won't be able to join the group, but I'm looking forward to that. Thank you for your words, I appreciate it. Hopefully things will turn out to be okay.
Hi Peri, welcome to EC I am a BBC and understand the whole stigma about being gay in a Chinese family. My parents are somewhat traditional but are generally quite liberal about things. My siblings are also BBC's so traditions don't really affect them. I'm surprised you came out to your parents first rather than your siblings! Can you confide in one of your siblings? Are you close to any of them? If you can get them on your side, you can use their support to aid you in making your parents acknowledge your coming out more seriously. I dread the moment when I will tell my parents but at the moment I'm trying to tackle my 2 brothers first, then my parents will be last to know. Try to stay strong! (*hug*)
Hi Lad123, thanks for your kind words - I'm also a BBC too! I did talk to my siblings when I wasn't sure about my sexuality a while ago (before realising and coming out to our parents), and they were quite accepting of that. For some reason, I never really got round to telling them when I finally realised I wasn't actually straight. I considered enlisting their help in my coming out, as I know they are liberal, but I don't want them to have to take sides between me and our parents - if that makes sense. Although I know my siblings are older than me and they can make their own choices, the last thing I want to do is cause strained relationships within the family because of me. I sincerely wish you the best of luck with your coming out to your brothers and your parents. It really is one of the scariest things you'll do (sorry if I put you off) but it's also one of the most liberating no matter what the outcome, I think.
