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terrified of LGBT

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by rx79g, Nov 4, 2012.

  1. rx79g

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    So I read a post on here about LGBT centers and looked up one in my area. The more I thought about it the more anxious I got. Like really REALLY anxious. It's been almost four hours since I looked it up and my stomach still feels sick. Just the thought of being around other LGBT people, talking to them, being seen with them, any of it is one of the scariest things I have ever thought about. Every time I think about it I imagine one of a million unlikely and terrifying scenarios. It doesn't help that the place is close to downtown and in an area that in my naive and close-minded way I don't feel safe in. I'm pretty sure it is, but its a little sketchy, at least compared to where I usually go. The place seems to check out though, and its affiliated with United Way so I think it must be alright. I don't know. Is it normal to freak out this much about anything LGBT related? When I'm at home on the computer I feel all proud and ready to come out, but anything in real life scares the sh*t out of me. Does anyone else feel this? Does it go away?

    Also, do you think I should go? Maybe I should go with a friend just to be safer? I would have to lie to my parents because they would definitely not be OK with me going. I would post a link to their site but that would reveal where I live.
     
  2. nwonderlad

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    In complete honestly, your fear is based on something unreal. The LGBT centres are there to help you, it's not like it's a group of people ready to rape the first twink that cross the doorstep :\ Well, if that friend makes you feel "safer" than you surely can go with him/her, but I'm pretty sure that it's not needed :slight_smile: I honestly don't understand what makes you so scared of everything LGBT related.
     
  3. rx79g

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    I don't either. That's why I posted. Maybe going to a LGBT center would help me get over that fear? Kind of face the fear head on?
     
  4. nwonderlad

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    Well, if you could tell me what exactly scares you of anything related to the LGBT people, I might help you as well :slight_smile: We are for this! x
     
  5. Pret Allez

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    I can understand where you're coming from, and I think part of this is because you're maybe still questioning and not fully at the acceptance stage? It looks like you're sort of wallowing in dread. I don't mean that as an insult, and I really want to help you.

    About two years ago, when I was still going to college, I felt irrationally fearful of going to our LGBT center as well. I didn't want to be seen there, or even near there. I wanted to read their bulletin board, but I couldn't even bring myself to do that for fear of who might see me. At a certain point, what made me take that plunge, as it were, was to realize that I knew that I was queer, and I was never going to be happy if I didn't come to terms with myself.

    Part of coming to terms with who you are as a gay (or bisexual, if you're still questioning that's a possibility) person is just being around other people who have accepted themselves. It does you good to see how happy they are, how they can help you, and get you comfortable with queer cultures.

    In my view, getting to the point that you can go and just be with other queers is a critical step to make.

    Good luck, and feel free to wall me if you have concerns.
     
  6. rx79g

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    Thanks. I just sent an email to the staff on their site to ask some questions. Hopefully I can get chance to go sometime. To answer nwonderland, I don't know what it is that scares me. Probably part of it is that its a social situation and I have social anxiety like crazy. Also I am not totally sure of my sexuality and I'm not really afraid of coming out as gay as I am terrified that I'll come out as gay and then like a girl and try to come out as bi and no one will believe me or everyone will think I'm ridiculous.

    And I just realized Pret Allez that every time I have one of these freaking out moments you are there. You must think I'm a basket case. Anyway thanks for your help.
     
  7. Pret Allez

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    Not really, I just care. And no problem, that's what I'm here for. (*hug*)

    Again, what you're describing is yet another one of the fears that I had before I initially came out, which is that I thought that I'd say I was bisexual and then eventually realize that I'm straight. Or gay. Or trans. Something incorrect. Coming out as queer is something that we can't really retract, so that just adds to the stress. Am I really sure I'm bi? Or am I gay? Or am I just kind of fucked up? I feel different than I did last week. I'm afraid of guys. I'm jerking off to straight porn again. Now I'm only jerking off to gay porn. Why does vagina scare me?

    All these things come up, it seems like, on a daily basis for the questioning person. And that's part of why I think you need to figure out a way to get the courage to go to this space. Because they can help you to question your sexuality and gender in a non-threatening environment. That way, if it turns out that girls don't turn you on, and you're a cocksucker, you're in good company.

    And they've all (seriously, almost certainly without a single exception) been through the exact same fear and shame you've felt; they'll feel honored that you ask for their comfort and companionship while you sort this out.

    My best recommendation is just to take it slow, and just have good, safe, questioning time. What you say stays in there. Nobody else will know, and out queer people take that ethic very seriously, knowing how important it was to them.
     
  8. Lance

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    You're probably a bit scared and uneasy about going because then you will be associated with being gay. By going to a place like that, it also makes it more of a reality to yourself and further solidifies the fact that you're gay. All of which can be very scary for someone who has not completely come to terms with themselves yet.

    I know I would have never went to a place like that when I was younger and still in denial and gay people made me slightly uncomfortable to be around. Mostly because I seen a lot of myself in them and I wasn't ready to accept that. But now I'm 100% the opposite, it just took time and exposure to LGBT people/events to get me to be completely comfortable with being gay and not caring what people think. All in all I feel that it would be a great thing for you to go to and would probably help you out a great deal being with people similar to yourself.