I'd never imagined that I would post my problems online, but I need help... A little background information is that I live in a residential high school with 62 other guys and around 61 other girls. I've never been completely comfortable with being gay, but I'm trying to accept it more and more. I came out to my close friends, but that's where things get complicated. Only 3 friends are important to this story. Friend #1: I came out to one friend of mine by showing him this website and letting him figure it out. During this time, I let him sleep in my room while he was struggling with a bad break up. After I played counselor with the two of them, they got back together, but now that he knows that I'm gay and he still practically lives in my room, it gets to me when he leaves to meet up with her. It makes me realize how gay I am. I've never been loved or had anyone to call my own... but I'm ready to have that. Friend #2: Before coming out to this friend, we were inseparable. We could be found hugging or at least touching eachother in some way all the time. Well now that I'm out to him, it's not the same. He's never excited to see me like he used to be. He doesn't hug me the same way. He's called me "pitiful", "lonely", "helpless", and "demanding" recently. Oh, and keep in mind that this is one of the best guys I've ever met... Ultimately, I feel that my sexuality pushes him away, and to be honest, I do feel lonely. Friend #3: This friend is gay... Before coming out to him, we slept in the same bed, and I thought it was fun. We didn't do anything, but he wrapped his arms and legs around me at times. (If you can't tell by now, I'm a sensual guy. I love to be touched.) I came out to this friend by teasing him about leaving me to go on a date. He called me later that night, and I explained to him that I was gay, but I'm not comfortable enough to be in a relationship with him. I also came out to his roommate because he started a Gay-Straight Alliance (he's gay too), and I was showing my interest. That same night, he invited me to his room to sleep over... I brought friend #1 (he was the only straight one in the room, hehe.) Me and friend #3 slept in the same bed, while the other two people had their own spaces... To get to the point, we had sex that night. We went from 0 to 10 all of a sudden...We were in a hypnagogic state, but we both knew what we were doing. Ever since then, I've been psychologically screwed. Now, he clings on to me a lot (Keep in mind that we live together so it's hard to avoid, and he only lives three doors down). I appreciate the love, but I'm not comfortable enough to have sex yet. The problem is that I did, and I can't take it back. I have one friend who doesn't want my company any more. One friend who abandons me everyday for his love (after he left me today, I slept for four hours just because I was depressed). And I have one friend who probably wants to keep doing things with me that I'm not particularly comfortable with (he asked me to sleep in his bed the following night). I am lonely, I try not to be demanding to my straight friends, and I don't have to be pitiful and helpless. I just feel like I want to go there, but not all the way. Really, I don't know what I want. I'm confused... Maybe I want to be loved comfortably? Idk. :icon_sad: Thanks for taking the time to read all of this. So...can anyone give me words of advice? Oh, and these close friends of mine don't know how I feel because I feel like I have loyalty to them individually.
I would hold off on the sex until you find yourself someone you really care about and hold dear to you...you can still kiss and hug and all that...but save all types of sex for that one special person...an then when u have it you will both know it really means somthing...:lol: just tell your gay friend that you just want to be held close...being held close will make u feel happy and safe...hold off on the sexual stuff for now:lol:
I agree, you don't sound like you are emotionally ready for sex. I think alot of teenagers, especially if they don't have close loving relationships with their parents, tend to crave the loving, sensual feeling of intimacy with another human being. I think its the reason people have sex too young. You all should be hugging your parents and your friends and stay away from the sex until you are ready emotionally for it.
Wow. Well that was an interesting read that I wasn't expecting. It was all juicy :icon_wink But here's the thing. You clearly had sex with the guy cuz you were horny, not cuz you want to love him, or have him love you, but now that you had sex, he thinks of it differently than you do. Just...if he gets too clingy and wanting, either A. You just MIGHT see the "demanding" thing your one straight friend was talking about. or B. Just tell the gay guy that you don't feel the same way as he does, and you don't want to lead him on in any way.
Thank you all so much. I'm glad you took time to reply instead of just read about my life... now I feel better about myself... and not so wierd... I'll fix my life tomorrow (today, technically). Thanks again.
Your situation is kind of unique, so I can't really give you super advice. But mostly communicating what you feel is the main thing, so everyone can be one the same page. Good luck
i would probably me the last one to give you advice, considering im dealing witha situation like yours, but without the sex. how old are you? i can see if you are past high school sex is great, but if you are in high school sex is too young. its great that you found some one but it is kind of depressing that he doesnt want to be with you. well, you seem to be in the same situation as you. i came out to three of my friends. i didnt want to tell the rest of my friends but somehow (and i know for a fact it wasnt them three. they dont have big mouths) it got out to all my friends and all of my friends (besides my three best friends) act differently around me and that makes me so mad. It is the consequences of coming out. of course there will be alot more emotional problems and there will be distant relationships between people you love, but the bright side is that you dont feel like you are living a lie anymore. if friend #2 doesnt want to be your friend, that is his loss. he probably lost a great friend becuase of his own racial thoughts. i hope i was of some help to you. if you want to talk to me or anything. just message me adios amigo ~Jon~
I think that it already shows maturity in yourself that you are not going to compromise your emotions for physical pleasure. My first time with a guy was when I was twelve, and at that time in my life I had let it have too much influence and in the end I was hurt a great deal. Friend #2 may not be all that he was cracked up to be if he is going to let your lifestyle interfere with your friendship. My advice concerning him is to move on. Friend #1 seems to stress you out a lot considering he has been so close to you for however long he has lived with you. Considering that he moved in with you for support through his relationship crisis, that of which is now over, I think it wise you ask him to move out again. While it will hurt to not have him there, you wont be constantly bombarded with the knowledge that he is in a relationship with a girl. Friend #3 is going to be your biggest project. He is obviously interested in you, but perhaps not for the right reasons. Ask yourself if you have an emotional enjoyment of him, and if it is the kind of enjoyment that entails a relationship. Get that sorted out, and whatever that comes out to be, just make sure that he knows you are not emotionally ready to be having sex with him, and should you guys start dating, make it clear that sex is not an option until you are ready for it.
