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Should I ask my b/f about his sexual preferences and experiences?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by oneday, Nov 4, 2012.

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  1. oneday

    oneday
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    I know this might seem like a stupid question. I found someone I'm totally crazy for and I'm falling for him. I'm a virgin and have waited because I want my first time to be with someone I love. I think the time will be coming real soon. We may not necessarily engage in anal sex for the first time...but in order to prepare for the future, should I ask him directly if he's a top or bottom? Or should I just let things take their course and whatever happens, happens? I think he might be a virgin too. He told me he's fooled around with a guy, but I don't know what that exactly means (ie. a make-out session or sex). Should I ask? I'm nervous. I don't know how to approach it. He's really sweet and I don't want to scare him off by being so blunt, but I also want to know...
     
    #1 oneday, Nov 4, 2012
  2. musicgeek13

    musicgeek13 Guest

    It sounds so stupid to say this because we were told this our whole lives but: "the most important thing is that you are safe. If you can't talk about it beforehand to make sure you are both going to be ok with, you probably shouldn't be doing it."
    hehe now that I sound like a mom. Seriously though, just make sure you are safe :slight_smile:
     
    #2 musicgeek13, Nov 4, 2012
  3. i need help

    i need help
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    i am in the same boat you are i never know what to do i am a (semi) virgin (i guess) also. and i never know how to ask things like that when i even start talking to someone because i want know what i may or even may not be getting into. but if you guys are in a relationship you want to have an open line of communication...as of how to bring it up i have no clue if you find out let me know!
     
    #3 i need help, Nov 4, 2012
  4. oneday

    oneday
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    Thanks musicgeek! :slight_smile: Does anyone have any more advice?
     
    #4 oneday, Nov 6, 2012
  5. BudderMC

    BudderMC
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    Just ask him. Be honest about what you're thinking. Explain that you're concerned not because you suspect anything of him, but because you want to make sure you're safe. If he's a sweet guy and into you as much as you're into him, he'll probably understand.
     
    #5 BudderMC, Nov 6, 2012
  6. Owen

    Owen
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    Talk about it with him! If he wants to do it with you, talking about it won't scare him off, and if he doesn't, then you haven't lost anything. You'll both have a much better time if you talk about it, especially if you talk about boundaries and how far you're okay with going when it happens. Communication is everything in a relationship, and that's especially true of sex.
     
    #6 Owen, Nov 6, 2012
  7. Brenny

    Brenny
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    I see no issues with being open about sex. You said he is your bf right? I expect that when I have a boyfriend, we will be discussing sex before we have it. I don't think bringing it up will scare him away or anything. In fact, he should be eager to at least talk about his preferences.
     
    #7 Brenny, Nov 6, 2012
  8. oneday

    oneday
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    Thank you so much guys! I appreciate your responses. I'm definitely gonna have a discussion with him. I'm nervous about it, but we gotta talk about it.
     
    #8 oneday, Nov 8, 2012
  9. misio7700

    misio7700 Guest

    In your situation, if you know the guy as well as you seem to then talk with him but me personally it would probably carry its own way during sex since I'm opened about anything involving sex :grin:
     
    #9 misio7700, Nov 8, 2012
  10. wandering i

    wandering i
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    I'd definitely talk about it, especially if you're shy. That way neither of you tries something that the other definitely isn't into, or is afraid of. If you trust him that much with your body, he should be someone you can talk to honestly about it. Take care of each other!
     
    #10 wandering i, Nov 9, 2012
  11. oneday

    oneday
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    Wandering i: I like how you put that, "Take care of each other". I like that. :icon_bigg

    I had the conversation with him the other night and it went well. I didn't get to address everything I wanted to, but it's a start. He appreciated my directness and honesty. Thanks guys!
     
    #11 oneday, Nov 10, 2012
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