Trouble with my Weight and trouble with self-esteem...

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This site helped me out a lot when trying to lost a bit, in case you need any sort of help.

 

Well, lets take a deep breath and calm down for a second. (*hug*)

You are not giving anyone a bad name, you are not the only non-thin gay guy, and there is nothing wrong with you. I would encourage you to do anything you want that would make you feel better in your skin, but never change yourself because you are afraid of what anyone else will think. There are guys that will love you the way you are. Maybe you are overweight, but unattractive, I would beg to differ. How would I know? Because no one is unattractive. Attractive is a reference adjective. Someone opinion on whose attractive is no different than their opinion on their favorite color.

You are beautiful and dont allow yourself to think anything different.

Personally, many people label me as arrogant. I'm usually considered attractive, successful academically, etc. So when I tell people that I can smile at what I see in mirror, or I know I am an amazing person, they believe that I am full of myself and concieted. We have this idea programmed into our head that our self worth, our confidence, our self-esteem has to be based on other people. Those considered unattractive, that are confident, are strong and role models. Those considered attractive are confident because they are attractive. There are times everyone looks in the mirror and feels like shit, but at the end of the day, I love my appearance, because I love myself.

Dont love yourself because you are slim and glamorous. Love yourself because you are beautiful, and kind, and modest. Not one person on this earth is worth more than you are, and no scale or list of admirers will tell you that.

 

The trouble is inside your head, not in your weight (*hug*)

If you've tried losing weight unsuccessfully, that should tell you something: it doesn't mean you're a fat fat fatty who is a terrible failure, it means that your body most likely is happiest and functions best at this weight.

There is just as much diversity in body types among gay people as there is among the rest of the population. Being thin does not mean one looks "gay," and you are certainly not going to give anyone a bad name just by being who you are in your own skin; quite the contrary. In fact, I think you would be doing a great service to this community which puts so much pressure on all of its members to be thin.

As far as feeling unattractive: don't just think of your body as a piece of meat that is meant to lure in possible sex partners. Think instead of all the stuff it does for you: it lets you walk. It lets you dance. It lets you laugh. It lets you sing. It lets you do all the things you like doing. It breathes. It bends. It keeps your heart beating. It sees.

"Fair enough," you might say, "but that doesn't help me feel any prettier!" Just because your body isn't normatively attractive doesn't mean that no one will ever find you sexy. There are lots of people even on this forum who are attracted to bigger guys!

Plus, I think we too often put too much emphasis on physical attractiveness at the expense of Kick Ass-ness. Basically, what makes Robin a unique human being? What do you kick ass at? If you don't yet kick ass at anything, what's something you would like to kick ass at or could potentially kick ass at? Do those things! Find venues to publicly display these things! Develop your interests and find people who also are interested in those things! Odds are that people who share your interests will be interested in you...and even if you can't find a boyfriend there, they could at least become good friends! Who might have friends, if you know what I mean :icon_wink

Case in point: there was a guy at my school that I never gave a second thought to...that is, until, I shit you not, I discovered he hated the musical Carousel and was willing to rant about it with me. Suddenly I was infected with a desire to instantly befriend him and also maybe fuck his brains out.

Sure, there will always be people who look down on others who aren't thin, but why should you help them in their systematic tearing down of other human beings? Make no apologies for that body of yours! Tell this vapid culture of ours that it can go fuck itself just by being who you are.

 

Hey i have the same issue i used to think i was fat and ugly and ill never be happy but when i accepted it and got over it i was so happy. Dont let anyone tell you your too fat. Your beautiful (*hug*) Be yourself and stay strong (*hug*)

 

Hunny imma say something thats gonna come off as bitchy or it might not it depends on how you take it. Stop trying. The more you try the harder it gets. Just basically turn it more into disciplines. Tell yourself that this is gonna happen and your gonna do it this way. And the best way to do it is have smaller goals that you can reach instead of one big number. I use to way 250 and alot of guys didnt like that. But i told myself i dont need them and i can stand to lose a few. I am now talking to you as my new 225 lb self. I made myself believe i was gonna lose the weight and i did. But I wish we had more big gay guys. Because most gay men still hate themselves no matter what size they are. Big is beautiful and big people deserved to be loved because they have gone through double hardships. I am here for you and want you to know you are not alone in this world. No one is dear. :hug

 

Now that I'm a little less distracted, I'm going to try and give a better reply than my little link.


As others have said, your weight doesn't really matter. It's not about what's on the outside, just what's on the inside. Someone could look absolutely perfect on the outside and be Satan on the inside, or vice versa.

If someone is shallow enough to judge you from your looks, they're not worth your time.

 

First of all, everyone is right that there is much more to dating than outside looks, and that personality is much more important in the long run. That said, though, it's not even necessary to think of your weight as a negative on the dating scene. Many gay men are actually attracted specifically to "overweight" guys. My mantra in terms of attraction is that everybody is somebody's type, and that really does go for everyone. You never know - you might be turning heads right now and not realize it.

On the other hand, Amicus was spot on about the source of the issue. Whether or not other people find you attractive, the most important part is whether you believe that others can find you attractive. This is the real thing to work on.

 

I've been with two overweight guys before, not too overweight but not thin, and I have a six pack, and basically the best body out of any guy my age I know;not to be conceited but I am serious my body is fucking amazing, so don't think that everyone is shallow. I dated one guy that was overweight and legit loved him(again no fat just bigger). So again, not everyone is shallow. I am no above watching porn with bigger guys either. Most people that care about size are narcissistic anyways and you HONESTLY do not want to be with them. I have hooked up with some pretty "hot" guys and none of them did I want to see again, but both bigger guys I hooked up with, I ended up seeing again, and again. I liked them better, their personalities were better, they were more genuine people.

If you really want to lose weight honestly this advice is going to sound bad, but you have to be hungry for a bit everyday, it doesn't mean starving, it just means experiencing hunger. Real hunger, not snacking hunger, but not eating for like 5 hours. Overweight people often think its a matter of cutting down on fatty foods and excerising but it comes down to getting rid of that fat. The only time your body is guaranteed to be taking away body fat is when you are hungry and doing some physical. If you are working out but you just ate a whole bunch of food, you really are not losing weight, just making your body more healthy. The key to losing weight is actually burning off that fat, and most people can't be active for long enough to do that. So on top of going to the gym, you should let yourself be hungry for a couple hours a day, push your dinner an hour later, your lunch an hour later. That hunger feeling means that your body is now using your fat reserves to heat yourself and power your brain, and that there is no food inside you to provide that energy. This is the only way to lose weight.

Again you can work out, but honestly to burn 3000 calories a day(which is most likely under what you EAT a day) is to work out for like 5 hours.

I worked with a guy who complained about his weight yet he worked at a job that was laborious and still couldn't lose weight. It wasn't because he wasn't burning calories every day from lifting thousands of pounds, it was because he never let himself go HUNGRY ever, and he was imputing more calories than he was burning every day. I have trouble meeting my calorie requirement because I have no problem with being hungry for a bit. I don't do it on purpose, I just honestly don't care about being hungry,it doesn't bother me, I Know I'll get food and the nutrients I need eventually. But this guy, at work, if he is hungry, will go to the snack machine and buy 2 chocolate bars, I always ask him why he can't wait till lunch to eat, and he always responds "I am so hungry".

It seems this guy experiences hunger much more dramatically than the average person and chooses to let it be a bother, maybe you do the same thing? Being hungry really is no big deal.

I am in no way saying no to eat, or to develop an eating disorder, but to simply let your stomach "eat" itself a bit everyday. If you truly have fat reserves this is in no way unhealthy. We store fat for the purpose of extracting energy when we have no external sources(food) availible.

Think about your fat as gasoline stored in your car, your tank is full, why not drain some of it before you fill up again?(I.e Go Hungry before you eat, every time you eat make sure it is because you truly are hungry, and your body truly needs the nourishment, I mean gut feeling hunger)

Take being big as a blessing you have a chance to live a non vain life, and to see what its like to not be truly vain. Take that and lose the weight, and you will be a total 10. Since you are bigger you obviously have a better personality;most likely, because you feel you have to work harder to get people to appreciate you, and you also go about life not seeing yourself as a sexual object, which would give you character, because without sex you have to be pretty entertaining to be worth being around.

So yea, if you do or don't lose the weight it doesn't matter, most people want a partner not a trophy, you have nothing to worry about.