i dunno if this is the best place to post this but my partner committed suicide this past april and i've been having a hard time moving on. we were together for 4 years and he was the only person i've ever been sexual with. i've found myself slowly retreating back into the closet since his passing, so much so that i'm questioning whether i'll ever love someone again like him. i'm not sure if anyone has any experience where they've lost a loved one and completely questioned their existence up until that point.
I'm deeply sorry for your loss. I'm sure it will take you some time to recover from this, and I am not sure that I feel it's appropriate for me to pry about the circumstances (unless you want to talk about it). My lack of life experience in this area is probably of no help to you anyway. Many of our members have dealt with very heavy tragedies in their lives like you're now going through, and I'm sure someone will have something more direct to say to you soon. Do you have the opportunity to see a therapist? Regardless of terrible things that can happen in your life, you are still who you are, so I hope you will find the strength not to return to the closet. You had deep emotional investment, but you are not finite. It is not as though your ability to love other human beings is a well that can run dry. Instead, it is a river renewed by the snow pack in the mountains every year. Try not to worry yourself that you will never love again.
thank you, i appreciate it. i don't find it inappropriate to ask about the circumstances, seeing as i'm coming on here looking for advice. about two years into our relationship he was injured and suffered from a serious brain injury that caused him to regress when it came to a lot of simple tasks. i think the frustration he faced on a daily basis is what led him to take his own life. i don't see a therapist, but i'm in a survivors group for people who have loved ones with brain injuries or have lost loved ones. it's helpful over losing him but not in the sense with my own personal problems that surrounded our relationship. i just feel like at this point i should be able to look at another person and feel some sort of attraction, or spark or anything but i'm so consumed with feeling like he was it for me that i don't want to try anymore. i'm just feeling really depressed tonight about all of it. i'm in the process of moving out of the house we lived in together and i just feel like any remnants of my life with him is disappearing.
