I've come to good old empty closets today for some advice on how to work through my issues surrounding my homosexuality. First off, I'm a 19-year-old, very self-hating gay. I think it's probably from my childhood when society can easily engrave everlasting ideals into your soul, whether those ideals are right or wrong. I'm sick of being a self-hating gay, because it's preventing me from proceeding in my life and finally getting out there and looking for someone. I did try out ****** at one point, met up with a guy on it...did some stuff (not intercourse) and regretted it. Realized that kind of "no strings fun" wasn't for me. I did get talking to another guy on it a while back though, and I recently got back in touch with him because the only reason I stopped was down to my self-hate and shame. He's a really nice guy, and wants to meet up for a date (nothing sexual, just two people getting to know each other) but for some reason, I just can't bring myself to. The thought of it just scares me... I don't feel ready! But why don't I feel ready? What can I do to brush passed this? Secondly, I have found that my sexuality occupies an unhealthy amount of my brain. I think about it probably...90% of the day. Maybe more. If I'm in a lecture at university, my mind will wander into it. If I'm at work, I start thinking about it. If I'm at doing a presentation, I'll dwell on it. If I'm playing my Xbox, If I'm at a bar with friends, if I'm in the bloody shower...gay gay gay. It's all I think about. I think about where I'll be 10 years from now with it: I want kids, will I have them? Will I get married? Will I be alone when my parents are gone and my sister has her own life? (We're a very close family, they know I'm gay). I just want to stop obsessing. I'm sure plenty of gay people have the same thoughts about life, but not to the extent they dwell on it unhealthily. How can I stop myself doing this? It doesn't matter how I distract myself, my mind will end up on the subject. Do I need professional help?
First off, nobody knows about the future so don't even think about kids or the such yet. Second, you just need to accept homosexuality for what it is. It is neither right nor wrong, it is a state of being. What people need to understand is that there is no hate, it is just a state of love and attraction between two individuals. So much time and energy is being wasted in such a petty and moronic zeal of prejudice that could be used to uncover earths mysteries, and solve matters that are actually important. You're gay. So what? Now you obviously have to die, have all possessions purified in holy water and your ashes must be destroyed, because a book says so and you're obviously a huge danger to society. Forget the UV rays leaking into the lessening ozone layer, increasing cancer odds. Kill the gays! Seriously though, at some point everyone just has to grow up and accept that there are much bigger issues. In my experience it always appears to be the ones who were popular in high-school that have problems accepting homosexuality, as they are used to be liked so much that they can't accept something they won't be liked for. If people don't like you for you, then they aren't your friends. If they weren't popular, then it's usually people were bullied and always tried to be liked in order to stop bullying. It's still the same, changing things you don't like about yourself in order to get others approval. If you still can't accept it then there's not much we can do for you, as accepting is generally solitary path. We all do it on our own, but sometimes with a little nudge.
Hi, I'm not sure I have any advice but for the second part... My mind was obsessed with my sexuality before I came out, when I was so stressed about it, trying to figure out what to do etc etc. As soon as I came out it all went away and now I rarely think on it. SUCH a relief. So I'm sure that part will go away on it's own once everything else is sorted out. Just wanted to say that. Good luck.
Lewnatic you are only 19. Your parents know you are gay and you obviously do! Obsess about it all you like, but do not be put off by your less than successful first attempts to live a gay life. Contact the other guy and go on date. I can tell you for experience as someone who is much older than you, buy only recently has 'come out' that thinking about it is all well and good, but the only way you will move forward is 'living it', taking a few small risks and then as 'the escapist' has said the more 'out' you are the less you it will obsess you and you can get on with your life. And listen to 'Zaio' too - only 15 - but wise words. Not sure where you live, but you are so lucky to live in a world which becomes more accepting almost by the day - go with it and good luck!
