My story is long but here it goes. i have always known im a lesbian and i have accepted it almost 5 years ago. recently my sister went through my partners phone and found out im gay. she tried to talk to me i denied it. she went and told my older brothers(2). one of my brothers told my parents. i live in canada and my parents live somewhere else as well as my brothers only me and my sister live in canada together in my parents apartment. after my brother told my parents, he hired a private investigator to follow me and find more. all that was in sept 2012. in oct 2012 my brother flew to canada and ambushed me him and my sister. i tried to leave they wont let me , i yelled for help and they got scared and i ran away. of course it didnt stop at that i got calls and msgs from my parents to go back and no one will do anything. then my mom came to canada and by brother left. right now they are all pressuring me to change i sat down spoke to my mom explained to her that im happy this way and cant change but my parents keep trying to pressure me until recently i found out my best friend who i trusted used to talk to me to know everything and tell my sister who tell them. i confronted her and my sister so my sister told my mom. my mom came and asked me so what is my plan to stay gay and not change i said yes im happy this way and nothing they can do will change me. my mom started crying and saying prayers on homosexuals and then went into a shock nervous state she wasnt moving or talking i had to call the paramedics for her they told me she is physically good and its emotional shock. my parents are muslim and arabs this is a big thing for them. what should i do? should i blame myself for this all? it is not my fault what happened and i cant change. i dont want to give up my happiness for theirs i know this sounds selfish but they dont know how hurt i am from all this backstabbing from ppl i trusted and the hurt i feel. they all msg me to think about how they feel and what this will do to them but they dont think about me at all. should i just leave them and go live on my own? i cant handle this pressure i want my life i want to be accepted and seen as a human.
I cant believe your parents or your brother or whoever hired a private investigator. Wow. Its a really tough situation, to me if you can afford it try to move away from them. You didn't do anything wrong, if they can't accept and love who you are then they are the ones with problems.
"they all msg me to think about how they feel and what this will do to them but they dont think about me at all." that says it all. anybody who reacts negatively to somebody else's sexuality is entirely selfish. it's unfortunate that this includes family. i second the advice that, if you can afford to, live on your own. if you have anyone you can trust maybe they could give you a place to stay until you figure out a situation for yourself.
You parents love you or they wouldn't be so upset. I think since they are Muslim they shouldn't have a hard time with you being gay as much as the act of having homosexual sex. I don't know, since they aren't from Canada, I would say it could be hard for them to accept it. I know the Muslim community here even has a hard time accepting it. If it is a matter of slandering your parents name or embarassing them then maybe you can promise them to keep it under wraps, or tell them they can tell everyone you are straight. Since they don't live here it shouldn't be hard for them to keep that up. I think they are more worried about being embarrassed than anything. Are they planning on moving to Canada? Can you just lie to them and use their money to live a comfortable life in Canada? I mean whats the harm in screwing your parents over if they want to do the same to you. I would see if it is going to effect your financial situation. If it is, definately tell them your going to try to be straight. Don't trust your sister, she obviously doesn't care about what personal to you enough to keep it to you. It is tough when dealing with religious people, especially Muslims from an Arab country, homosexuality is not accepted at all over there. What country are they from?
None of this is your fault sweetheart (*hug*). Your parents and brothers are from a country and a culture where being gay is still seen as something wrong. That's going to be very difficult for them to accept your sexuality but that doesn't mean you have to give up on who you are. You're responsible for your own happiness and your happiness only. Yes, that's tough for your parents, but that's also the only way to make things and minds change. Stay strong and stay true to yourself. Take care, (*hug*) Cécile
thank you all for the reply and support. it is really hard to be from an arab family and muslim. this morning i had a talk with my mom it went bad then well. she tried to let me talk to a doctor back home who was telling me on the phone " i can get cured" i told her im not changing or talking to doctors. we both were crying i told her i will just leave for them to be better. but it all ended by her saying that she wont force me anymore and will leave me alone to have the life i want. she even said that she will go back home so i can relax and be better but i told her not to because my birthday is in 10 days. I guess this is her way of trying to get it all in but i know my parents will never except this life i want for myself all i want from them is to know im happy and healthier this way with all of it out. true my parents will try to save face infront of my uncles, aunts and all back home but i dont mind them hiding it from the rest of the family they deserve that. Hopefully things will stay this way with them not interfering with my life and letting me be who i am.
Maybe at times, you could try to reason with them to defend yourself emotionally and find some relief? For instance, take a look at Quran 42:49-50. The line leaves open the possibility that Allah (swt) is able to create a person who is a mixture of male and female (it could mean an intersex person, or in other interpretations, it could also mean both sons and daughters, so I cannot say for sure). But the fact remains that sexual minorities are truly possible and only Allah (swt) knows why He created them that way. But that doesn't mean that we have to force them into heterosexual relations, or they are any less of a human being. Just let them know you would have loved to make everyone happy and do what feels comfortable to all, but you are not doing it on purpose, and it is a very difficult situation you are finding yourself in. But just because a person is of sexual minority, doesn't mean that they were not created by Allah (swt) Himself. I hope they find some compassion and understanding in their hearts by able to see you as a minority. They do love you, it's just that they can't understand how this can be possible.
hi, thanks for your reply. i have tried to make them see that god created homosexuals too but they cant understand or wont sccept it at all because it goes aganist what they believed their whole lives and culture so far the conclusion i reached with them is that i wont change and that hopefully one daythey will be able to see me as human and the person they raised and that this is god's creation not a choice
you are welcome. hold your patience and think positive thoughts as much as possible. maybe the whole situation won't be altered in one day. but just take one day at a time and pass it as beautifully as you can. we can't change others, but we can change our responses to them.
I will definetly stay positive and try my best to pass this. I love that sentence " we cant change others but we can change our responses to them" well said and so true (*hug*)
