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Please Help

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by kinar70, Nov 6, 2012.

  1. kinar70

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2012
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    Location:
    Houston, TX
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I've been with my partner for over 13 years and I love her more than life itself. But the past year she has developed an interest in someone else and blamed it all on me. I did my best to change everything about myself she didn't like anymore. Even with all of that, she asked me to move to another state - where I don't know anyone - and try again. I did that. Gave up everything to be with her - my friends and family - only to find out it was more than just one woman, and that she had at least one of them in our home while I was back with my family arranging to have the last of our things moved.
    And, now I just found 2 love letters to another woman ( other than the first one whom she claimed she fell in love with) on her computer -- something I had no idea about, because we were trying to make things work again during that same time. (And I HATE being that person - the one who spies on their spouse because they can no longer trust their lies. I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT!) But she "loves" so many things about this one too.

    I love her so much. So much so that I have changed so many things about myself to be someone she could love again, all to no avail.
    I don't know what to do anymore. I am in a new place with no friends, and my partner can no longer figure out if she loves me as anything more than a friend, I have no one to turn to, and I feel so alone I don't know what to do anymore...
     
  2. Yuliya

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2012
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    Location:
    Ukraine
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    If someone wants to change You this isn't love anymore... first at all You should understand that You're worthy better then someone who betrayed your trust...
    it's difficult but should move on and find real happiness
     
  3. Eleanor Rigby

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    France
    Hi sweetheart (*hug*),

    I am so sorry this is happening to you. I know it must be incredibly painful and difficult for you. Unfortunately, people change with time and sometimes, love goes away for no reason. It seems that's what happened in your case and you're not to blame. You did everything you could, but it seems that your partner is not in love with you anymore and moreover, she had been unfaithful with several other women.
    I think that for your own sake, you need to break up and take your distance. I know it's a tough decision to make, but I think you'll be doing yourself a favor by breaking up before the things get really ugly between you and your partner. If possible, move back to where your family and friends live. Having supportive and loving people around helps when you're having a heartbreak.
    Take good care of yourself (*hug*), Cécile
     
  4. rainbowbear

    rainbowbear Guest

    First, before I do anything else.... (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) (Hehe, sorry for the kind-of-spam of hugs.)

    I can't even begin to imagine how you much feel, especially considering I'm only a teenager. If you love her enough that you left the state, you changed, and you keep trying to make it work, then you really are great for that. :eusa_clap It's sad that when you love her as much as you obviously do, she still hurts you in a way. She shouldn't have made you change and she shouldn't keep cheating. She should try just as hard as you to make it work. Have the two of you tried time apart for a short time (like a week or a month) with very little contact to see what happens? If not, maybe you two should try it because it could make both of you realize what you want in the relationship and what you want from it. Perhaps you should take a vacation and visit family and friends without and she what happens after that? Maybe you can look into couples counseling and talk her into going? Other than what I've said, I really don't have any advice except to stay strong. If she ends things between you two, then she wasn't good enough for you in the first place and she didn't deserve you. If your heart gets broken, think about this way, every heartache and heartbreak makes you stronger and wiser.

    I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of that. (*hug*)