I've been up late reading this book and one of the characters is going through some sort of sexuality-related identity crisis, and...it's remarkably familiar. A bit of background, I thought I was bisexual for the longest time before I realized, oh wait, I'm not actually that into guys at all, I'm just conforming to societal norms, and it's only this year that I'm accepting, yeah I'm a lesbian. And at first it wasn't a huge struggle or anything; I knew I was more attracted to girls anyway, so this is just eliminating unnecessary distractions. I've been more comfortable with myself and it's just been an all-around okay realization I've made. I haven't been outright coming out to everyone, just mostly have been talking about it more freely and allowing people to draw the conclusion themselves. And that's been alright. I've been alright. But earlier tonight I was posting something about the election and mentioned something about supporting Obama "as a gay woman". Someone reposted what I said and added, "If you support this or this person, then don't talk to me, follow me, or ever try to contact me." Which in itself isn't a big deal. It's one stupid comment from a stranger; who gives a crap what they think. But until tonight I've been lucky enough to not have been exposed to anything so negative directed at ME personally, and now that it has...I'm starting to get...I don't know. Scared? So now I'm sitting here in the middle of the night reading this book about a sexual identity crisis and that woman just a few hours ago saying that about me and it's sort of hitting me what's happened and what my life is going to be with this. Before, when I thought I was just bi, I could play it off by talking about guys and just conveniently eliminating the mention of girls if I ever needed to [such as, with my ultra-closed-minded relatives]. But I can't do that anymore. By acknowledging this about myself and not lying about it anymore, I'm giving up any hope of ever being accepted as "normal" by a lot of the world, and some people won't even take me or anything I do seriously, and some people will just outright hate me, and... I don't know. I've obviously thought about this before, hence why I'm only out to some select people [all of whom have been great about it], but it's less hypothetical now; more of a possibility. And I'm...freaked out. A lot. Like I don't want to say that I wish I was straight right now because I've never wished that in my life but I wish I was straight right now. I don't know, I'm sorry, I know this is all SO generic to everyone and I know you've all been through this but I haven't and I'm just in a bit of panic and it's late and I can't post this on my blog because too many people in my life are straight and won't get it and I don't know I just need a hug or something. Sorry.
Hey honey don't freak out we are all here for you (*hug*) a lot of people on EC have been through what you are going through and will be able to help you. Where did you post your "as a gay woman" comment by the way? Unfortunately the internet (and real life) is full of bigots and idiots that's not to say that you should just shrug off what she said obviously it's going to deeply affect you but I think that the good news is that every day there are less and less bigots and I think the reason they are getting so vocal now is that they know they are loosing the battle. They are on the wrong side of history. I think the best thing we can do as LGBT people is to be vocal and out and proud, the more people are out the more people are likely to know someone who is LGBT and we go from some faceless evil to sisters and brothers, mums and dads, wives and husbands etc. Don't wish that you were straight and don't ever try to change yourself you are who you are don't give up we are here for you and we are all in this together (&&&)
(*hug*) I'm sorry that there are so many hateful people in the world. It's scary seeing hate being directed towards you. You must remember that there are also loving people out there too. Where there are people, there will be stupidity. You have to learn to be happy and ignore others who try to make you upset.
I am sorry you had to... Stupid bigoted inorant people just. Make me mad but sad that people have to deal with them. I am struggaling withaccepting who and what I am. I. Have people im my family that i fear will hate me. I come from a southern baptist familey if that says anything. I know my grand mother does not care she has told me as much when we had a convo about my cousin did having an intervention. She thinks I am into girls. My gran says she doesnt care if i am or not she had a nephew who was gay. My wounderfuly awesome loving sister does not care as she said what does it matter.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. On the one hand--yeah, random internet hater. On the other hand, it is shocking the first time it is directed at you personally. I remember that first time of being yelled at in public by a total stranger for holding my girlfriend's hand. And a couple of points, while it's great to say we need to be out and loud and proud, and ect....you owe it to no one to fulfill their idea of how you should live. Your personal political agenda, and what you'll do to support that, is your own choice. And yes, this board offers amazing support and love, but these awesome folks aren't walking down the street beside you to form a crowd at your back, and defend you. I wish we all could do that for each other. Be sure to make your safety a priority. Best wishes.
thank you all so much, I really appreciate it. I had one other person respond to my obama-because-gay post [it was on twitter, btw] with something like, "not reason enough, it's not all about you" which was less infuriating than the first woman, but irritating nonetheless [no, it's NOT all about me, it's about me and thousands of other people in this same damn country who are in the same position as I am...and a lot of other reasons, but I only had 140 characters to work with, cut me some slack]. But meanwhile...celebrating the progress of same-sex marriage from last night. way to be, USA. and again, thank you all, I feel a lot better about all of this now.
