I'm so terrified to admit that I might be gay. Even writing this post terrifies me. There was a girl who came to my school when I was in 10th grade. We got on like a house on fire and clicked straight away. She left my school roughly a year after she first arrived. A few weeks after she left, I was told by my other friends that she was gay and had a thing for me. At first I was shocked, but in the end, wasn't that surprised. It was just something I never picked up at the time. Anyway, fast forward about 3 years later, I finally admitted to myself that I liked her back. I tracked her on Facebook and told her my feelings. (She at this time turns out to be dating a jerk of a guy.) She said that she wanted to just be friends for the moment and I was totally fine with that. Soon, she broke up with her boyfriend, then got back together with him and I was just so confused. All I wanted at the time was just to be with her. One day I just texted her if she wanted to be my girlfriend.. she texted me back say she didn't feel that way about me. I was crushed. Since then, I haven't spoken to her because I just felt so sad. I've never had that connection with anyone before and just am so confused within myself. :bang: (&&&) Anyway, I'm feeling very ranty just blah. I need help coming to terms with things. (P.S. I am so attracted to Liz Gillies from Victorious it's not even funny. If you don't know her or have never seen the show, google her or watch her on Youtube.. you will melt.) Can some of you guys share your stories? Maybe I'll feel better. :help:
When I was about...14-15 the though of being gay scared the living daylights out of me. I was convinced there was something I could do to stop it before anyone found out. I used to sit there with heart palpitations, shaking and crying - you're not alone at all. The only thing you can do is; do some research, think of the positives and just...wait. Time is the essence when accepting yourself. I found that looking at videos and reading other posts helped me accept myself really quickly.
Just this year, it finally hit me that I'm gay, I began questioning years ago but this year I finally admitted it to somebody. And since then I've come out to my immediate family. At first, I was like you, for me admitting that I'm a lesbian was saying that I was good enough or I thought people would look down on me, criticize me. But I think I still have some internal homophobia. It is very scary at first, and I know some of the feelings you may be having. But just know that it will get better, you will eventually come to accept it. And I agree with Lewissss, I would look up some videos about other people talking about their coming out,maybe try to tell somebody you know and talk to them about it. I found that having someone to talk about these feelings with has helped me a lot.
I too was scared to admit that I'm gay when I was in high school. I love my best friend. We were together always. Many people asked if were gay but didn't admit it. I feared that my friends especially the guys would hate me, I just had the courage when I stepped on college. It was hard but it was worth it.
For me, from the age of about 7 onwards, all of the 'signs' were there but they didn't mean anything to me - I was bullied for being different and I didn't know why. And I didn't know what it felt like to fancy a guy or a girl, I did fancy girls but I never identified it as being that at the time - so I lied to myself and put up posters of men and male bands around my bedroom to pretend and try to make myself feel the way other girls felt at my age. All other girls at my age at school were into bands and David Beckham and talked about how hot they were, and although I didn't know I was gay then, I knew I never felt the same way about boys so I pretended and forced myself to like them, even went through having a boyfriend who I didn't fancy. But I did finally admit it to myself when I fell in love with a girl, and began really knowing what I was when I was 13/14. But it is SO scary. So don't be worried, it can be so scary and hard to accept about yourself, it really can be. I think if you talk to more people on here (I'm always free to message, any time) you might feel a little more comfortable and get to know yourself (I hope).
