Hi everyone, I've been feeling a bit more lonely lately. At my community college, the gay student union/club is non existant this semester. I thought that a way to cope with not knowing any openly gay or gay friendly students was to join here on EC. I'm only out to my two female friends but they've transferred out. Now I can only chat with them via facebook. I'm starting to feel relunctant that transferring next year to a 4 year school would get better. I feel like I'm in high school with immature students and not being able to find gay accepting people to befriend. Is this a normal to have doubts that it'll get better in college? In an previous thread, I talked about a gay friendly (or maybe gay) guy in my class that I friended and chatted on facebook as well as wanting a real friendship with him. The semester is ending and I want to come out to him, would it seem awkward or desperate if I did?
Is the club nonexistant because its not been formed, or because there's no attendance? Is consider maybe starting one if its the former. As far as transferring to a 4 year uni, i can say it absolutely does get better. I didn't really come to terms with my sexuality until i got to uni but the atmosphere is so much different than what you're experiencing I'm sure. I wouldnt hesitate to come out to him, i wouldn't make a big deal of it, just bring it up in a conversion that's relevant to what you're talking about
Thanks for the advice... I think that the club is nonexistent because there's no attendance. I remember reading the school newspaper during the spring that there was a GSA club. I think maybe because of budget cuts my school isn't advertising clubs through the school paper or having a club day. I don't know if I should come out to him in person or through fb chat. The last time we chatted on facebook it was nice; we talked about our interests, him hanging out with a gay frat and celebrities coming out. However, the next day, he walked up to me after class and seem a bit standoffish. I just want to have a gay friend who I can talk to in person
I would take the approach you are most comfortable with. I can completely relate wanting a gay friend you can relate to IN PERSON. in my case i've kind of shunned them all from me turning into a complete hermit
It seems everyone is under the impression it gets better in university so it most likely does. I think once people get some form of education their minds are more open to things that their "ignorant" minds thought were weird. They also sometimes get a pompous attitude because they learned something you can find for free on the internet at a university. It's funny how post-secondary education changes people perspectives for the better and the worse. You can talk to plenty of homosexuals in person, you just may not know they are gay. In terms of having a friend to talk to why does it have to be a gay friend? More relate-able? Don't rely on clubs to find all the gays, a lot find those alienating from the rest of the community. I'm not on Facebook; don't like people that use it generally, so I have no advice on that, but it would be impersonal to come out online on some website that was created on narcissistic intention. Also don't rely on that to meet other gay people, I can not stress how negative facebook is for your psyche and your intelligence. It is no way to meet people. Mind you I use dirty webchats to have random sex so I can't say that I am no different. Maybe you can scope out for other gays in your class? Use some nonexistent but kinda credible gaydar.
To bluey, I'm hoping that he'll be in class tomorrow and I can talk to him for a little awhile. Eventually come out to him since he's gay friendly. If not I'll the same thing but through facebook chat. To WooEEE, You're right in saying that college helps open people's "ignorant" minds depending on the person. In my class, we are discussing relationships and this week we discussed on whether men and women can be friends. Eventually, my professor asked whether openly gay and straight men could be friends; the guys that were sitting beside me loudly said no. My new friend hasn't been in class this week. So during the discussions, I just felt alone. Most guys I've talked to in my classes are just your average guys (nerdy, gamer, etc.) or the buff/party type guys who talk about hot girls. Both kinds of guys act borderline homophobic with the things they say. Also, the reason I want to be friends with him is because we have a lot in common (videogames, tv shows, etc) Him being gay or gay friendly would be a plus since I could be myself around him.
If you really value your friendship with him then let it blossom and prosper to see just how reliable and trustworthy of a person he can be. I understand wanting someone as a friend who can relate to what you're going through but I also feel we make situations like these awkward on our own because we don't let things flow as they should. Sexuality is something that will pop up (no pun intended) in conversations between practically everyone. If he isn't gay but is fine with having friends that are wouldn't you rather not spook him? Even the nicest person might be made uncomfortable by a situation where they feel like they're sending to wrong signals to someone? I would come to him in person and in passing. Just fit it into conversation somewhere and act like it's no big deal.
Yeah, I rather let our friendship blossom and prosper so today I didn't come out to him. After class, we talked about performing group skits in our communication class for next Tuesday. He told me he was acting out a scene for his group; I told him that I was disappointed that my group didn't want to act out a scene. He was like "aww, that sucks, its the best part". Afterwards, I walked in the opposite direction of him because I knew it was raining outside so we didn't get to carry on with the conversation. I noticed his face seemed little shocked... maybe because we didn't walk out together.:eusa_doh: We both did say good-bye though.:smilewave I felt so dumb that I should of pretended not to know that it was raining and kept talking to him. So next class on Tuesday, I'm gonna increase the times I talk to him by asking him before class if his scene gonna be funny and maybe after his scene I'll tell him what I thought. At the end of class, hopefully we get comfortable with each other (mainly me since Im a little shy) so we can talk again and have a better/longer conversation than today. We both know we like video games; I know that he loves acting and I like acting but am a little shy (I'm taking a acting class next semester). I want to start bonding with him some more by talking more about these things after class on Tuesday or maybe through facebook chat again.
Update We chatted on facebook and I came out to him. I ask him if he had no problem knowing I was gay. He said yeah of course because one of his best friends is gay. He never said if he was gay. I'm still glad because he is the first guy who I came out to and accepted me; we could just be friends.
Hey Everyone Thanksgiving break ends this week and I need some advice on how I should talk to this guy when class starts. I haven't talked or contacted him since our last Facebook chat. A friend of mine gave me some advice, she said that I should talk to him like no big deal. He's the only guy that I told I was gay; some guys I grew up with eventually figured out/ suspected that I was gay either picked on me or avoided me outside of school. This guy has a best friend that is gay and said he was ok with him knowing. I told him I was glad I made a friend at my community college that wasn't wierded out. He asked if I had any gay friends and I told him I only have an old friend from grade school that's a lesbian that I chat with on FB. He never responded after my message. Facebook says I sent him the message at 12:57am and he read it at 1:40am. I fell sleep before the time he read it. I think He was probably doing something while we were chatting. When i woke up i didn't want to send another message and seem clingy or bother him. There's only five days of class in the semester and decided against having him as a boyfriend but instead a friend. But I'm nervous in seeing him in person, i don't know how I should approach him on Tuesday?:help:
The best thing to do is to talk to him like nothing happened--for two reasons, really. First, nothing did happen. You just came out to him, and it went well. There doesn't seem to be any suggestion that you want him as a boyfriend, so everything's cool. Second, what other way is there to talk? So just sit next to him in class, talk about video games, class, what have you. It sounds like things will be fine.
Universities are better..atleast in Georgia. Anyone that has ever had curiosities pretty much choose college to experiment. Which is fair because if you haven't discovered your sexuality by 18, you're ready to give things a go. In Georgia, its prejudice lol I noticed this game room and cafeteria at one of the big colleges here where my friend goes and its segregated lol... BUT. everyone belongs. There's a group for everyone. I think a university will really help you to branch out
Yeah, I'll keep this in mind but how do I know when I've become real friends with him. I've known people growing up that they often you the word "friend" for both friends and acquaintances. I want to be able to keep in contact with him even after the semester ends but with 5 days of class left I'm not sure how. It took me all this semester in getting this far in befriending him. I was too shy to befriend him on the second day of class when he introduced himself to me :eusa_doh: In Georgia, are their only community colleges and universities (in terms of public schools)? In terms of public schools in California, there are community colleges, California state Universities, and Univerity of California schools. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone. In high school, I remember people saying that the UC's like Berkeley and UCLA is where people are open minded (ie the college mind set) whereas CSU's had a student atmosphere of high school and university combined (somewhat close minded).
Community college is only that way because you're not living in close quarters with people. You go to school with diverse age groups, I would agree that its different from a university feel.
Yeah that's true. In my case, I most definitely still going to commute to school after I transfer to save money. So when I transfer will I be experiencing community college again?
What do you mean by "maybe gay"? If your not sure he's gay, then try to talk into it a little. Perhaps ask him and being humble, like "Forgive me, but are you (yadaa yadaa yadaa)?". Then you could just let the truth come out and uncage that elephant...as in just tell him your gay too, you feel lonely, etc..., maybe he'll give you some help! None the less, good luck and best of wishes!
My only "evidence" (if you can call it that) of him being gay is my "gaydar". On the first the day of class and onward we've had our eyes meet (either I start eye contact or he does) in that I get that "there's something about him". There are other attractive guys in my class that I know are straight but for some reason this guy I find more attractive (not as much as before because I'm starting to like being his friend). We've chatted online, he hangs out at a gay frat where one of his best friends is gay who he hangs out with is a member. I've told him I'm gay and he's fine knowing but I didn't ask whether he was gay. Since Im starting to like being his friend, I don't want to scare him off thinking that if I ask if he's gay he'll think that I was slowly trying to come on to him. I haven't talked him since we chatted online (a week ago) and came out to him (I fell asleep while we were messaging each other). I'm thinking about messaging him again tonight since the Thanksgiving break ended and chat about an acting class I'm taking next semester while asking for his advice (he's likes acting). I might tell him how I feel about being gay and lonely and whether his friend has felt the same.
He didn't reply to my message but in class today he sat next to me and said my name when he said hi (so it didn't feel like we're acquaintances). In class, we were taking notes and we were both bored; I wanted talk to him by passing notes but I don't know if that would be awkward. So instead, I waited a little while after class so we could walk and talk together. Although, our conversation felt a little on the shy side since our friendship is a bit new and most of our interactions thus far have been through chat. Hopefully, I'll push through my shyness to make him feel comfortable be consider friends after the semester ends (either hanging out or keeping in touch).
