So I came out about 5 months ago and everything was great. My friends are all very supportive of me and love me no matter what my sexual orientation. There just seems to be one big problem...I've been sober for 3 and a half years. I attended pride, which was great, until everyone I was with became so intoxicated. I've tried going to BBQ's and social gatherings, and again the same result. Everything is fine, then everyone is drinking and I'm sober. I've been having so much discomfort lately with coming out, period. I'm sure my story isn't much different then some others, but my family doesn't know I'm gay, I'm half a country away from my family, and I feel like I can't keep going through this transition sober. Any advice or support on what I am supposed to do to feel more comfortable being gay and also staying sober would be great. I'm extremely stressed, anxious, and uncomfortable all the time now, and that's not my usual nature.
Drinking doesn't helo You to relax... if You start to drink it's only complicate everything to You and You'll deal wlth two problemes: coming out and drinking... You have so much courage to be sober for 3 and a half years so don't worry about your coming out))))
Well, drinking is a mean to forget your problems, thus making life easier (as long as the alcohol is on your blood), but it does not eliminate the problem that pushes you to drink (hence, is not a solution to anything). I guess that, in order to stay sober, you need to take care of the causes. I'd go to see a doctor and see how he reccomends me to treat stress. As for being lesbian, remember that the important part is that YOU accept YOURSEFL, while it may be a need to tell other about you, you don't need to tell them right away, you can keep it and tell in due time. I found that, just being honest with myself, I don't have any rush to tell anybody, and don't feel stressed. I tell you this, because you give me the impression you're trying to come out to everyone in as less time as you can, but you don't need to do that. If you feel bad about coming out right now, just stop, and relax a bit.
Have you looked for gay AA meetings? They exist in major urban centers, so ask about that. That would help - because obviously THOSE gay people won't be drinking - and you'd be able to hang out with them without any worries. Do your new gay friends know that you're in AA? Have you come 'out' to them about your drinking? That might help, because they might not even know that this is an issue for you. Just keep remembering that you're not good to anyone - including yourself - if you're not sober. It won't matter if you're gay or straight, out or in the closet. Life will revert back to the hell that it was that sent you to AA to start with.
Yes I agree with you Jim, I'm trying to stay focused on my sobriety. No one said coming out would be easy. I haven't told my family and I don't want to, only a handful of my friends know. My best friend who is also gay assured me I'm in the middle of a process and it will all work out in the end. It's just difficult, painful, and confusing at times. I know that escaping is not a solution and hopefully next weekend I can attend some gay AA meetings in the neighboring city to where I'm located. I'm just trying to find some sense in this whirlwind of emotions I feel like I'm in.
I can relate. I came out at the same time that I came to accept that I was an addict AND my marriage was ending. My Higher Power was with me though, and introduced people into my life right when I needed them - and gave me the strength to carry on. The unsettled feelings around coming out WILL settle down. Just give yourself time and give yourself permission to feel a little uncomfortable. But keep reminding yourself that in the long run you'll feel MORE comfortable with yourself for having come out.
I have the same problem with my buddies drinking all the time. I am not an addict; though I smoke a lot of pot. I just tend not to go to drinking situations. I know as everyone gets older or matures they'll either develop a real problem, or smarten up. I drank a lot in highschool and until I was about 20 then I just got sick of hangovers, and stopped drinking. Booze made me depressed, and had me thinking about being gay...etc Remind yourself how crappy getting drunk is, how shit you feel the next morning, how crappy it tastes, and how unnatural it is. I still smoke though so I can't say I am sober, but I am from Canada, and most people smoke here. It's more of a relaxation thing, I really don't care if I don't have any. Cannibinol is found in the body naturally, alcohol isn't. Did you you know that alcohol doesn't get you drunk, you get drunk off the hormones your body releases in response to the alcohol, your getting drunk off your body fighting poison. As well the wobbly feeling is a result of your frontal lobes that dictate balance being filled with water as your blood alcohol level rises, what tells you up from down is now off set. Alcohol is a poison, I don't understand how it is legal.
Depending on what part of the country you're in, there are often AA meetings specifically for LGBT people, and, for example in northern CA, there are even gay teen/young adult AA meetings. That's going to be your best bet. It is quite possible to find other sober (either in recovery, or never went there in the first place) LGBT people, but on the whole, substance abuse in the LGBT community is an epidemic problem. Don't give up your sobriety, or give into the misguided idea that you can "socially drink". For an alcoholic, that simply will never be an option, and I'm sure you already know that, but I know a number of people who have been sober for a while that started hanging out in an LGBT crowd and felt peer pressure (direct and indirect) to "just go easy." You can definitely find the right group of friends. It may just take some effort to find them
I think you need to avoid those situations, especially if you feel like you are tempted start drinking again. Even though I know that you cannot predict what's going to happen in those kinds of situations. However, once people start drinking then you know it's time to leave. I used to drink a lot and I still do, I think it has a lot to do with me being gay. I've been admitted it and I've accepted it and now, I'm working on it. It's not easy at all because my dad used to be an alcoholic. I'm so glad that you're getting help, you're so brave and courageous. I think once you accept yourself entirely, I think you'll feel a lot better. I'm probably 95% accepting of who I am, but I still feel how you feel all the time. I think Chip is right, you need to find AA meetings for LGBT people. I read that we are more at risk of abusing alcohol than anyone else. I'm so glad that you posted this because you're not only helping yourself, but me and others as well. I think I may look into those meetings, good luck c:
Thank you everyone for the suggestions and words of encouragement. I am feeling better, it just seemed I was having a moment where I was alone screaming in a crowd and everyone kept walking by. Do I really want to sit in the awkward uncomfortable feelings? No, but it's good to know it's normal. I'm glad that each of you has responded, it makes me feel less alone and more like I'm where I need to be at the moment. I am going to remain optimistic I will find a supportive group to spend time with. And yes, yes, yes, when I have fully accepted myself I will feel better. I believe that, I'm just impatient because I want to be better right now, and I'm trying to trust the process as a whole. It's all so new and scary, but having people understand really helps.
