After coming out to a friend just over a month ago I thought I was on the right track and would possibly find the courage to come out to others. However since doing this I seem to have retreated even further into my closet! I am constantly feeling down and just feel like my life is one big waste of time as I'm not doing any of the things I want to do. I am constantly paranoid that the girl I told I'm gay is going to tell other people, despite me having no mutual friends with her on Facebook. The thought of her telling people makes me worry, even though I know deep down that she won't. I went out for drinks with a friend at the weekend and was having a good time until a girl started talking to me. My friend was encouraging me to go for it, telling me how hot she was. But after kissing her I just couldn't face it anymore and had to sneak off home. This is not the first time this has happened on a night out. My mind is constantly racing and I am getting extremely nervous. I can't concentrate and earlier today I was struggling to breathe at one point. I just felt like the world was closing in on me. I don't know what is wrong with me. I am not the type of person who shares my feelings on a face to face basis and barely display any emotion, but on the inside I feel ready to explode, I just feel so tired and stressed! I think this is related to my fear of coming out. Will there come a point when I stop feeling like this?
It gets easier, but it still sucks sometimes! Before you can really be ok with coming out to others you have to accept yourself. That was something I struggled with and still do, but eventually you will realize its pointless to beat yourself up for something you cannot change. Besides, after I come out to people, I'm always surprised by how tolerant they are. People are generally more accepting than we give them credit for. My friends don't act any different around me, either. I love that I'm starting to come out more, because I'm beginning to feel more and more like I can be myself around those I care about. So yes, I think its gotten easier... and hope it will continue to get easier.
I completely agree with the last poster about how you have to accept yourself. If you can figure out how to do that it will be easy. If you find a way please share!
Thanks for the comments guys . I've thought for the last couple of years that I have accepted myself, although maybe I haven't if I feel like this. I don't know. My minds slightly messed up lately.
I can totally understand you. Nobody knows I am gay, and it is so hard that you have to put a mask just because you are afraid of the response you might get if you come clean. I'm not sure if it will get any easier, I think it will only be better once you're out, which is quite tough. However, I think your a great person, and people who love you will still accept you for who you are.
Trust me you not alone, I feel like everything is taken away from me and over the years I feel more depressed because I have some needs now as I grew up and I'm around straight people. I hate it but you seem like a great guy, so don't let yourself down, you will just make yourself more depressed.
^ Thanks misio7700 . I'm feeling much better today, think it's helped that I've shared some of my frustrations, even if it is just by typing it instead of speaking to anyone.
To be honest this forum sometimes get me through the day, that after college, I can sit down and just let everything out. So if you need to talk with someone PM me(*hug*)
