I believe sharing your own experiences with me can help me find my way...

I was wondering (not trying to be forward or gross) if you guys could share for me the difficulty you faced viewing the same-sex sexually before truly accepting who you were. For instance did you find it particularly hard to enjoy same sex fantasies? Were you able to (for lack of a better term) "get off to them"? If you are a regular at the forum you may have noticed my posts here or in the chit chat forum. I continue to obsess over my sexuality and I'm tired of it. I can't figure out whether I'm straight, bi, or gay. I wish it were easy for me to verify this but I would say 98%-99% of the time I can't 'finish' to same sex fantasies or even get much of an erection. The fact that it's gotten semi-erect a couple times is making me think I'm bi but I cannot ever finish to the fantasies, it just goes from semi-erect to soft with me trying my hardest to try to enjoy the thoughts! I've tried to fantasize about all types of guys and that doesn't help me get more of an erection at all.


Has this ever happened to anyone who has later realized that they were in fact bi/gay? I just feel like if this is real and I'm truly bi, I'd at least like to be able to get to fantasies so that I can verify it ha. But yeah...thoughts?

 

Yeah I can get off to women easily, and have fell in love with a few (who I wish would come back into my life but obviously right now that's not a good idea).

---------- Post added 7th Nov 2012 at 08:58 PM ----------

I know I'm a bit nuts and you're probably tired of seeing my username pop up with this same question :icon_bigg. But I can't get over the semi-erection. I do think it was the act itself (because when I thought of the act with ANYTHING else not just male or female I got the reaction) but I can't help but to think maybe I'm just in denial about the whole thing.

 

I feel like if it moved though, obviously there has to be some attraction there. Even in a trial of 1 out of 1000 the fact it grew even a little validates that I'm gay or bi. It doesn't make sense that I can never finish and it always goes flaccid almost immediately but I don't know.

 

I'm 23 but not gay porn does absolutely nothing for me at all. If I want to look at porn I can only look at straight, female solo, and lesbian porn. It only happens when I close my eyes and think two particular sex acts and it'll grow a little bit (but I thought about the same acts with um....weird "things" other than male and female that I know I'm not into and I got the same exact response everytime). But yeah I've tried to stop thinking about it; trust me if I had it my way I would've been stopped. Ask anyone with OCD though without the proper treatment its basically impossible to stop thinking about it; unfortunately my next OCD therapy session isnt until the end of the month and I don't get my medication until around the same time so right now I'm basically a lost cause haha

 

That's very true..

 

I'm not sure I understand this post. Basically what I was saying is that the obsession will not subside until I begin my cbt therapy and I am prescribed my SSRI. I try to distract myself but with OCD left untreated there's no escape from the obsessive thoughts honestly. I've tried everything for years; I've had a ton of other religious (even though I'm non-religious..go figure I know) and sickness obsessions and I never get relief from them. I haven't even really got a good nights sleep in the last 5 years thanks to OCD.

 

You making fun of me? :eusa_doh:

 

Yeah it's no problem, I can never get any arousal to gay porn though, only female porn. 98%-99% of the time I get no movement whatsoever to fantasies. Only when thinking about certain things/sensations that I really enjoy during sex (in which case it moves no matter what I think about..doesn't even have to be male or female involved).