Advice for a Teacher

I wouldn't tell them because kids can be immature.

It sounds like it is hard for you to lie, so I wouldn't tell you to, even though I do and it works.

My best advice for you is to be ambiguous with your answers, so you aren't exactly being fake, and you aren't exactly telling the truth. Use the world someone alot...etc.

 

I tutor high school kids in an AVID class every week and the teacher is an out lesbian and has pride flags and symbols all over the classroom and has never had any problems from students. So it can work out okay.

 

Here our teacher is honest and she sometimes mentions her fiance, and has a photo of them together on her desk. It's just like any other teacher, the kids don't really focus on her personal stuff anyways, she's just another teacher giving us homework. (middle school)

She's one of the favorites tho. She's just nice and funny, even tho she is strict on how we are suposet to do things.

 

That awkward moment when you live in the same place and are the same age as the relatively new teacher at my school.

But, from the perspective of a student myself, don't tell them. Just don't. It's your personal life and none of their business. Plus, in general, boys at my age, less so but still somewhat common in girls at my age, (Grade 9, so it's likely that there would be differences in responses considering you likely teach a different grade) aren't exactly the kindest when it comes down to sexual preference. But, if you don't care what they may say about you (considering that you are lesbian and not a gay male, the general response from the group of boys I have been exposed to would be "Can I watch?"), coming out if they ask would be a nice way to educate the less educated in various LGBT stuff and they may come out as better, and more accepting, people.

When it comes down to the younger students asking, I honestly have no idea and am sorry I can't be of more help.

 

I was/am studying in Elementary Ed at college and I currently teach judo to elementary age kids so I know how you feel. To be honest I've struggled with that issue as well. When kids ask me if I have a girlfriend I do the same thing as you do and just say "Nope" and the usual reaction is "That's sad" or "You should have one" to which I just laugh.

The way I go about it is that I don't tell them any more information than is necessary. Same as telling grown-ups, if you feel comfortable telling your kids then go ahead but brace yourself because, as you probably know, once you tell one kid, they will ALL know. As you said, some kids will be fine, some kids won't. It's jut something we need to deal with.

Coworkers and parents of students on the other hand can be trouble as I find adults to actually be less accepting than children. Kids might be against it but I believe as long as they like you they'll usually get over it. Adults are stubborn and set in their ways. They will judge, criticize, and beat you down (unfortunately literal in some cases) and if you work in a religious or close-minded school then you might have to start looking for another school to teach at.

I don't really know if any of this is good advice or anything but it's just how I think things will go for me in the future. Eventually my kids that I teach will find out and I'll need to deal with them so if you find something works please do tell .

 

In fact it's entirely up to you and how comfortable you are with this.
I know some teachers don't discuss their private life at all with their pupils. Others, like myself, will talk about it sometimes.
I used to live in the first school where I was teaching, so my pupils knew my husband quite well.
Since I changed school, it's a bit different, but I answer questions such as "Are you married ?" or "Do you have children ?".

If you feel comfortable with it, the fact you're teaching elementary school pupils shouldn't stop you. Young children are curious and open-minded. When they ask you if you're married, you can answer "No, but I live with my girlfriend."
I would only advise you against turning it into a debate. Some parents may not like that you're lgbt, and some of your pupils may already have an homophobic upbringing. So in case they tell you things like "My parents say it's wrong." or anything like that, I think answering "That's your parents opinion, mine is different." is enough (and to report it to your head-teacher, just in case.)

Take care, Cécile

 

hey, im actually a teacher too and I think that is part of the reason I am mulling over the whole changing my orientation from "questioning". I wasn't always the nicest kid growing up to people that were different and I think that is because I always knew I was different myself and I feel horrible for how I used to act...it's kids like that which make me afraid. I don't see it as lying or not being honest, but just not talking about your personal life. If you aren't supposed to share your political views with your students I wonder what the "rules" are for sharing information about your family, friends, and other people in your life

 

I am a senior in college and I just switched from being Art Education to Studio Art...I was wondering how to approach that myself. I don't have to worry so much about a classroom anymore but I am going to get a degree in Art Therapy, so that question is still pertinent. I think perhaps it depends on the school, area, class, etc. I'm not sure but I hope things work out!

 

First post in a new forum, so feel free to dogpile me.

I'm an accredited instructor, but only in the adult demographic, so I'll answer based on something over (sob) half a century of life experience.

Your student demographic is polarized by nature; they're just learning how to have and express opinions, and things remain black and white to them. I feel very strongly that at your level a strict line needs to be drawn between "who" and "what" you are. You're the teacher, no more and no less, and I'm no fan of trying to make your relationships with your students in any way "personal." I don't mean treat them with coldness - never - but as you already know, who you are has absolutely no bearing on your quality as a teacher.

You get that. They don't, not necessarily. Please create that separation. Run an antiseptic classroom. Reel them in with your skill as a teacher, not with personal details which may endear you to some while alienating others. You can be completely approachable without sharing your personal life.

Being out does not necessarily mean being out in a proactive fashion. "Out" is not a binary status. More easily decided with your peers, of course, and you don't get to decide what those more-or-less imperfect people might do with the information, but you're not there to tell them about yourself. You're there to tell them about your subject matter as a teacher.

And that separation is okay. Of course, it will eventually come out. So be it; if it starts as rumor, your allies will have as much time to spin the thing as your detractors. Just don't declare, by your actions, that it be a relevant issue.

I'm a fan of a sterile classroom. Would you share your political views with them?

 

I'd say it's pretty much up to you as to how out you want to be. You may want to factor in the age of the kids you are working with, though. Possibly by being out in that environment, you may end up helping LGBT youth by giving them someone they can trust to talk to about what they are going thru (that their parents most likely don't know anything about experiencing)

 

I like that SuperDave. You know, that's pretty much the difference between me and one of my co-workers being out. We both work in the court system. My co-worker pretty much makes it well known to everyone, and you've gotta be extremely oblivious to not know he's gay. On the other hand, I'm out, but modest about it. Sure, there's the mug on my desk (and often in my hand) with the pink/lavender/blue triangle with the saying "Why limit yourself to only half the population?" on it, but not until after ending up in a conversation on specifically who I am interested in, or have dated, do they realize I'm not straight.

 

I'm not a teacher, but I do work with children and families on a daily basis, and I get the "Are you married? Do you have a boyfriend?" questions quite a bit. I'm single, so it's always been easy to just answer with "no" at this point. I do wonder what I would say if I began dating a woman, because I pride myself on being honest, although I limit the amount of personal information I share on any topic. However, while I think that coming out at work would provide a valuable learning opportunity for some kids, it may also cause harm to my work with others, especially if they have homophobic families. Unfortunately, our society has not reached a point of acceptance, so I have to consider how my coming out would affect all of the people I work with. The same might or might not go for your students, depending on the attitudes in your region. Would coming out detract from their educational experiences? How might their parents react? Would you be at risk in any way?

There may be ways to come out indirectly, just to gauge the reactions before you officially came out. Does your school have a GSA you could lead? Participating in activities such as those would be a great way to ease into coming out (no one would be surprised if the GSA leader had a girlfriend), while providing educational opportunities to kids about diversity and acceptance.

Good luck!

 

I am often ambiguous when talking about my sexuality; even though I'm in the closet. I have only ever been corrected once, onetime I used the word somebody and my co-worker corrected me by saying " You mean a girl right?" other than that everyone's mind wonder to what best suits them, and in most cases it is the opposite sex. If you are asked why you don't have a husband, just say "I haven't found anyone yet" the majority of people will insert appropriate gender on their own.

This is only if you aren't comfortable with lying and aren't comfortable with telling the truth, like me.

 

I think that it might be valuable for kids to be introduced to homosexuality at an early age. If you are open about it, but don't make a big deal about it, then they will probably accept that and see it as part of life. That's the attitude I was raised with, and it helped me a lot when it came to accepting myself. At elementary age kids are very impressionable, so you could start an positive and accepting attitude towards homosexuality for their entire lives.

I personally am no fan of the sterile classroom, I learn best when I feel like I know my teacher as a person. It's so much harder to take advantage of a teacher when you see them as a real being, and not just person who comes to your school every day to shove learning down your throat. Having spent my school carrier so far in a myriad of different alternative schools, I'm a strong believer in the fact that kids learn best when they are connected to what they're learning and who they're learning from. In this case, that person is you.

 

Yeah you can be supportive no matter what your orientation is. I had a Spanish teach teacher in high school who was super straight but super pro LGBT. If he heard someone say that's so gay they'd get detention. As for your original question, I wouldn't tell the kids you end up teaching if you can help it. There's just a division of power that I think it upsets. It's more of a question for friends, to be honest. Some of the people I manage who report to me have asked me about my personal life and I just say, "That's not really an appropriate question to ask your boss, don't you think?" I just think by going into that stuff it upsets the fact that at the end of the day they need to do what I tell them. I think it's the same for teachers; it kind of blurs the fact that at the end of the day you're an authority figure and they need to listen to you. Just my two cents of course, you ultimately have to do whatever you feel is right for you.

 

If I was in your shoes I would keep it to myself, it only takes a few parents (or just one if its the wrong one) to get offended and up in arms for you to find yourself a former teacher. It's none of your students business and it is very easy for nasty personal things blow up in someones face in a school, I have personally watched a teacher lose her job and good name (she will never work in our area again), because someone got offended by her being a lesbian

 

God, I'm surprised by some of the responses here. I live in Ireland, and there are a number of teachers in my school who are obviously gay. But it is deemed highly unprofessional for any member of staff — gay or straight — to discuss their personal lives.

A student would be reprimanded if they asked something about a teacher's marital status or anything of that sort.

The school counsellor, who I have discussed my sexuality with on a number of occasions, is one such member of staff who is obviously gay. But he has not brought up his own difficulties or experiences once.

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that for your class to be "one of tolerance and respect", you do not need to be out.