Accepting yourself?

It took me years to accept myself for who I was. It wasn't intel I met my girlfriend did I really accept myself as a lesbian. I think it just takes time. You will learn to accept yourself and it nothing to be ashamed of.

 

I believe the being homophobic with your own situation is called internal homophobia, and is fairly normal. Society, intentionally or not, has made being straight "normal" and anything else "wrong." This leads to you questioning how you could be anything but straight (at least that's what I felt for a while until I finally accepted myself).

Personally, I did simple things like saying out loud, "I'm gay." I'd look in the mirror and say it. Also, I listened to Lady Gaga a lot. haha Her and a number of other artists who sing of heartbreak and struggles (Adele, Florence and the Machine, etc.). Even just writing down your feelings (not necessarily in a journal if you don't want, but a journal would be fine, too) helps.

As hard as it is, especially the first time, I found coming out extremely helpful in accepting myself. It has to be someone who you know would be accepting because their acceptance and support rubs off on you and you feel more confidant about yourself. Then, it has a bit of a domino effect, and you'll want to tell more people! At least I did. The overwhelming joy you get from hearing someone say that they accept and support you is truly incredible.

Good luck!

 

I am extremely homophobic with myself so you are not alone.

I still can't even really say the words "I am gay" even by myself. I have started though saying it everyday when I am alone, sounds crazy, but it has helped; I just prey I don't get a freudian slip.

Internalized homophobia is common, it's when you just can't accept that you are gay because you really don't accept gay people. I think I am fine with them, but something within me isn't, which is why I find it hard to accept myself. I think you are dealing with the same thing.

IF you can't accept that you are gay, than that means you don't accept gay people, because if you thought it was fine you would be fine with being gay. Thats the best way I can explain it. Being gay may be acceptable to you for other people to be, but when it comes to you it is unacceptable, and that means somewhere within you, you don't think homosexuality is right.

My main problem is the genetic end of it, I am not religious; don't even like that I even have to acknowledge religion, I don't understand why we would be gay other than a mutation or fuckup or some kind of incomplete process. Like all gay men had the potential to be girls, almost developed into one and instead turned into a guy, and vice versa for lesbians. I know that sounds ridiculous, and I am fine with being a dude, and I know heterosexuals sometimes feel they were meant to be the opposite sex, and Iknow I shouldn't look at being transexual as bad, but that is my biggest problem with being gay.

The notion that I am somehow a female, I like my cock, I like being a dude, I hate the fact I have a females sexual preferences, it is immasculating, that is where my internalized homophobia comes from. Try to think about what you don't like about gay people, and maybe you are applying that to yourself. I really do look at gay men as subordinates to straight men; no one freak on me it's my problem not yours, so that is my struggle.

I am sure you are experiencing something similar.

 

God is omnipotent; that's included in the definition. He obviously knew WTF He was doing when He created you, because who you are has a place in His world.

I'm not posting this as theology; it's not my right to proselytize you. But it_is my duty to inform you that there could be nothing more normal than who you are. We all see clearly into our own hearts, at least those of us who choose to own a mirror and use it for more than shaving, and the way I personally choose to characterize this inevitability is to understand that my Creator made the decision. YMMV, of course, will differ.

For whatever reason, be it genetics, be it nurture, be it some fairy king above in the ether who claims to be the All, know that we don't get to make the choice. This is who we are, and our only choice is whether or not to profit from it.

Write yourself a check.

 

Just my two cents--admitting it to yourself is also acknowledging all the societal baggage that comes along with it. I think it must be normal to feel some kind of reaction when you recognize that your life ahead may just have gotten much more complicated, and potentially difficult. Not because there is anything wrong with you, but because there are still some pretty big things wrong with society.

 

Hi,

I went through the same kind of struggle with my gender. I would kind of acknowledge it was there, at least in the back of my mind, but then push it down and totally avoid it for years on end. For a long time if I even started to think of anything remotely related to my situation, I would immediately force my mind to think about anything else. It was really not easy to overcome either. Like WooEEE said as far as his sexuality is concerned, I couldn't even get myself to say the phrase, "I'm a girl." I just couldn't do it. Hell, I wouldn't even let myself think those words. I remember coming out to my best friend a couple years ago and it was one of the absolute hardest things I've ever done in my life because when I told her, it was the very first time I said it out loud. It honestly took me about ten minutes to get it out.

And you know what, almost immediately after telling her, another friend, and my sister, I went right back into something akin to denial mode for another two years because even after that, I couldn't bring myself to face it and accept myself. Finally a couple of months ago something brought this right back to the surface for me and forced me to finally decide whether I was going to do something about it for not. I just knew in my heart that this was the time. I had to deal with this now, or I never would.

I think you're hitting that point with your sexuality. You can try and press it back down, but it's going to keep coming up, and it's going to come up more and more intensely every time it does. Things like this are extremely difficult to accept, especially when society at large isn't exactly friendly about it, but the fact is that there's nothing wrong with it. It's natural, despite what some would have you believe, and it's a part of who you are. Once you embrace it, you'll feel better. You said you're tired of running away from yourself. Well, I was tired of running away from myself as well so I finally changed my direction and now I feel as though I'm running to myself. It isn't easy, and it's going to take some time, but let your feelings out and get comfortable with them.

Good luck