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? Come out to youself ?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by metoo, Nov 8, 2012.

  1. metoo

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    I have heard many people on this thread denote to 'coming out to youself' before you tell others.

    However, I have never really heard what 'coming out to yourself' is.

    Is it
    - getting up every morning thinking, " another gay in the world is out of bed"
    - not questioning anymore
    - picking a lable for yourself and sticking to it
    - rating yourself on the Kinsey scale
    - being content with the fact that your different and not letting it get in the way of daily life
    - enjoying reading EC
    - associtating the feelings that you are having with what they are
    - or anything else
    - ?

    I want to know if I have 'come out to myself' yet
     
  2. AAASAS

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    It's none of those.

    It's admitting you like the same sex. Nothing more, nothing less.

    People can fluff coming out to be this whole process, but from a purely linguistically and actuary stand point, it is telling yourself that you are "gay, bi"... "insert weird new age form of sexuality".
     
  3. FunnyMonkey

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    - being content with the fact that your different and not letting it get in the way of daily life and you can say that you are _______ to yourself .
     
  4. Jinkies

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    Basically what WooEEE said. It's really just agreeing and being more aware with what your body's reacting to, and that it is reacting to what it is reacting to.
     
  5. BudderMC

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    I disagree with some of the above, personally. I'd say it's just knowing that you like the same sex and that it's not going to change (or you're _____ gender for those who are genderqueer). It doesn't mean liking it, it doesn't mean that all your problems go away, it doesn't even mean that you're never confused anymore, but that for the most part, this is how it is, and you'll deal with it as it happens.

    I've been "out" to myself for years now and things are still confusing, and things still suck at times, but that doesn't change the fact that I know I'm gay and I can't do anything to change that.
     
  6. AAASAS

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    I've been out to myself for about 10 years now, and I have only gotten worse with acceptance.

    ---------- Post added 8th Nov 2012 at 08:27 PM ----------

    Not being a dick at all, but you just repeated what you "disagreed" with.
     
  7. metoo

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    This is really helpful. This is kinda how I think of myself. It is good to know that someone in the same boat considers them to be 'out to themself.'
     
  8. Tetraquark

    Tetraquark Guest

    I agree with BudderMC's definition. I use the term to mean when someone realizes they might not be straight/cis without necessarily implying acceptance or an end to questioning.

    For example, I came out to myself in January when I acknowledged that what I felt for a friend might be romantic attraction, though I continued to question whether or not that was actually the case for a couple weeks, when it became unmistakable. Acceptance was easy for me because I didn't have anything invested in a straight identity; however, I still haven't stopped questioning entirely.
     
  9. metoo

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    Ok, that is very reasuring.
     
  10. Filip

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    I'll agree that it is just admitting: "Yup, I'm not straight. And that's unlikely to change"

    In fact, I can still very clearly remember when I came out to myself. I was writing a letter to a friend, and suddenly, when replying to a question of his about my dating life, I found myself writing (paraphrased): "The truth here is that I haven't felt attracted to girls in years now. And as I'm 24 now, it's probably not a phase. So I guess that makes me gay"

    First time ever I admitted that it wasn't going to change. Mind you, I didn't send that message. And I definitely didn't feel all that happy about it. At peace, maybe (finally it all made sense), but I think my feeling was more like "oh f***, how am I going to deal with this?"

    Still, it was a start. It gave a good base to work further on, instead of the "I'll turn out straight someday" that I was working with before.
     
  11. metoo

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    Ok, then I beleive that I am out to myself. I know I am not straight.

    Thank you guys so much.