I believe I am ready to tell my mom I have a boyfriend. I am technically "in the closet." I do not really like that term because I feel I shouldn't have to tell people "oh I'm gay," and make a big deal out of it. Straight people never really "come out" as straight so why should I? I don't really feel as if I am "in the closet" because I am myself; I don't act like something I am not. I have been In this relationship for over a year I feel it is now an actual good relationship. My mom and I are very close, we tell each other almost everything (exept my relationships. Ever since my teenage years, I never really liked talking about my relationships with my family; even when I was dating girls. But now I feel it is time. I am tired of lying when my mom asks "what are you doing" because I just say with a friend. There are two sides tugging at me. I want to tell her but I also don't was to tell her. I know if I tell my mom I have a bf she will be hurt (because I never really told her I was gay). I just feel selfish because telling her would just make me feel better and hurt her. I am not worried of not being "accepted" because I know she will. (and my parent do not support me financially in any way so i am not worried of finacial things) .And that is my conundrum. Ps. Do you think it is appropriate for me to stay at my bf's house over night some days? Yes I live withmy parents, but it's kinda like living with roommates in a way because we all split the bills in equal parts. Thanks in advance. Ps.s I am 19 years old.
Hi there! Having the feeling of being ready to come out to your mom is a good sign. Why not try telling her in two steps: one, let her know that you are gay. Give her the chance to ask you questions, talk with you about it. You already know it will go well. After that, and two, mention that you have a boyfriend. I think it would be appropriate for you to stay over night at your boyfriend's on some days. It's part of having a relationship.
Maybe you should just act like it's already common knowledge. Just be like, "So the other day my boyfriend and I..." that way here you're not doing a whole official coming out thing you're just making casual conversation.
I don't think you should feel bad that you haven't told your mom yet. It's something that's personal and can't be rushed into. It's something you have to figure out for yourself first, so that you even know what to tell others. If your mom is hurt, just explain that to her & hopefully she'll understand with time. Good for you for getting to the point where you're ready to talk to her about it. Go for it!
Some people, if not most, will think it's best to tell your mother you're gay (if you are) before telling her about your boyfriend. I personally took the other route, I just told my parents I had a boyfriend. I wanted it to be casual but I couldn't wait any longer so I was just like 'I need to tell you something... I have a boyfriend', so it wasn't all that casual. The way you bring it, of course, is important. But still, saying you have a boyfriend is more casual than just telling them you're gay, I suppose. I don't know if it's necessarily better or easier to tell people about your boyfriend instead of your sexuality, but I personally liked it better because it felt less like coming out. It was equally hard though, but you get me. One downside is that it could surprise your mother even more... For me personally, when I told my parents, they assumed I was gay because I had never told them anything about my experiences with girls. So I had to explain to them I was bisexual, but I don't know how that is for you (as it says you're questioning). I don't know, don't take what I'm saying too seriously. I guess I'm just rambling, but these are my two cents.
