So I'm still a little shaky on what exactly my sexuality is, and I wanted to get a more solid idea of it before I came out, but being in the closet is just getting downright intolerable. Most of the time its fine, but then a moment comes along that just punches me in the gut. Someone will say "Your wife some day" or "Isn't she hot, rx79g?" and I'm really having a hard time not saying anything. I feel like I won't know my sexuality for sure until I try being with a guy (romantically, not just physically), but I can't do that until I'm out. One of those two has got to give and I have a lot more control over the latter. I'm out to two of my friends and being able to talk openly and act like myself without wondering if I'm being too flamboyant or saying something too indicative is such a great feeling. I want to feel like that all the time. Even if I come out as gay and fall in love with a girl, so what if I have to tell people "actually I'm bi, I didn't see it coming but I am who I am". I think my friends will accept me, and I'm caring less and less what the other people think. Even if it gets awkward with some people, I have less than 3/4 of my senior year left and then I'm going to college so if I do come out and get it wrong then I can start over at college. In a nutshell, I'm asking does this reasoning sound, well, reasonable? Does it sound like I'm coming out for the right reasons or should I wait until I get a better idea of my sexuality? If so how do I do that without being out? I realize that this is one of those things that only I can know, but I want to hear from people who've been through similar situations (or not-so-similar) to get a better idea of how it might go both for myself and others.
Think of it this way: if you think the people you're coming out to are accepting enough to make it worth telling in the first place, I'm sure they'll understand if you aren't totally sure about everything. Alternatively, you could always come out just by saying "I like guys". It's a little ambiguous, sure, but if someone asks what you mean by that then you get to segue nicely into explaining that you aren't entirely sure.
That would sound the most comfortable to me, but some of my friends, though I love them, are not good at keeping things secret and the school would probably hear about it. Although my friends may be accepting of me "liking guys", I don't know if most of the school would understand that or if they'd just be like "so you're gay". Then again, do I care? Am I being really narcissistic in thinking that the people outside of my group of friends would even care for a second?
Well, would it be a problem for the rest of your school to know? If you're ready to that possibility, then you may want to come out. Would it really bother you if your school reacted negatively? Just some things to consider
If I were you, I would come out. If you live in a fairly large town, then there shouldn't be a problem. Before colledge seems like a good time to come out to friends, maybe not parents. I would say go for it. But make sure you access your own situation. There are some great resources her to help come out: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/12090-support-advice-resources.html
I would tell atleast one person so that it would be easier to handle and accept. Make sure that one person understands how you feel and then start to build your support group from there.
It's not narcissistic, but more likely something that most (closeted) people go through. We spend so much time and energy into maintaining a persona for the rest of the world - even though we know that they won't really care much - that's it's hard to just switch off that mentality overnight. Are there a couple of friends at school (or non-school people) that you could tell who you're confident wouldn't spread the word? Maybe you could start by telling them, and maybe things might sort themselves out for you (in terms of your orientation) as time goes on. The other thing is that when you say school, I'm not entirely sure whether you mean high school or college/uni. Sure, if you're in high school other people may care to an extent, because nearly everyone's kinda immature in high school and there is a gossip mentality. But if you're in college/uni, it's much less likely that people will care, because people are generally much more accepting/open-minded, and people are much too busy to care about the lives of strangers. Regardless, good luck with whatever you choose to do, but you certainly can "come out" now if you want.
For me personally, I was a little shaky on whether or not I was really gay or bi when I came out for the very first time- but when I said it out loud, I kind of had a moment of clarity and realized I really was gay. And well, if you realize you're not you could always take it back. Especially since you say you're almost done with high school anyway. And yeah, I found that people you don't really know well don't really care when you come out- they kind of just see it as "oh, okay".
