Hellooo. So I'm new here (I mean, really new, like, I got my account about three minutes ago) and I don't really intend to stick around, but I really really could do with some advice. Basically I'm a 19 year old FTM who only just saw an actual therapist about two months ago. I'd been waiting about three years, so y'know, I'm pretty nervous at this point, kind of excited, not expecting to dive into treatment, but looking forward to moving towards maybe counselling or help or a kind of road towards it? I don't know, going at it with an open mind, but really anxious to get things moving. I did not expect the guy to tell me that I didn't really fit the profile for a transgendered person, and that I wasn't in a position to decide my future, so I should go away for a year and then see how I felt. I should also spend that year sorting myself out - get a job, get some friends, work on expressing emotions. During that year I should concentrate on being 'normal' - no watching trans documentaries, talking to trans people, reading about it, or joining support communities. Also no cutting or starving. I have really mixed feelings about that. Firstly, he's right, and maybe it's a phase. No one can tell they're in a phase until they leave that phase. It's like wanting a tattoo or being in love - you're 100% convinced you will feel this way forever, and then even ten years later you can be wrong, and that's not cool if you've undergone permanent changes. Also, yes, it's really good advice that I sort myself out by getting a job and friends and things. And yeah, maybe it's best I stay away from trans groups, because if it's a phase then it will help it die out quicker. It must be a good way to weed out all of those awkward undecided moody teens from the genuine trans-es. Maybe I'm just an awkward undecided moody teen. That's alright, no one's perfect, I'll just have to grow some metaphorical balls. But on the other hand, I've been even more upset and angry that I haven't actually got any help. I feel like maybe I did it wrong, and that if I'd sounded more genuine, or been more convincing, or maybe cried, maybe he'd believe me - and that's the last thing a therapy session should turn into. Also I don't understand that I don't fit the profile of a transperson. ...Is there a profile? Like, a set of childhood things I should have mentioned so I could get help? Or am I just too depressed, or too unsure, or too nervous? How do I become 'trans' enough for him to take me seriously? I've spent two months constantly thinking 'it's only a year, it's only a year', doing everything he said, ignoring the problem, trying to sort myself out, staying away from help sites. I'm still known as Rory and male to almost everyone I know, and I've been mostly accepted, so it's strange not knowing if that's even supposed to be my 'right' name or not. The moment I'm reminded of it then I tend to pathetically break into tears or have a panic attack, so I don't even get to college anymore, and there's no way I can manage a job. Every day I consider cutting or starving or putting myself in hospital but I never do, because then I feel like I'd have 'failed' the year and need to start again. I can go around for twelve months being a depressed, soulless piece of shit with no identity, right? And THEN maybe the therapist will help me? AND THEN TONIGHT I BROKE AND I WAS LIKE 'This is fucking ridiculous, I'm SURE this is not what therapy is supposed to be. I'm gonna google it.' So I googled 'hlep halp help!1!!!!11!1@!pq' (or words to that effect) and found this site. I know I just wrote a god damned essay and - holy crap, if you came this far, you deserve a medal - but really all I want is for maybe one person who understands the issue to give me their point of view. I have no idea if my reaction is because a) my therapist has asked something unreasonable or b) I'm being impatient and awkward, and someone from the outside might be able to tell. Thankyou. <3
hey first off I do not think that after only 2 months of therapy that you can really gauge a person. What you are doing in a long process it could be a phase but it be a calling as well. Now for example I have been in therapy for over 13 years for thinking of changing my gender. I have seen many specialists started to do it then changed my mind only a few months later to question it. personally I dont feel that there is a profile for trans people. I mean I was a very active in my younger days Hockey, boxing full contact sports. I have also worked as the repo man. but deep down I know that I want to be a woman. If your not happy with the person giving you counseling find another one explain your situation. They are there to help you. I hope this helps. if your thinking of hurting yourself go to the emergency department. They might be able to set you up with better people to help guide you.
If you truly feel that you have always wanted to be, or felt like a guy in a girls body, then that doctor was wrong. I am sorry to say that there are many doctors out there that deal specially with transgender issues, and it doesn't sound like he was one of them. :tantrum: Sexual orientation is fluid and yes some of what he said could be true in many cases, but if you have that strong of reaction to what he told you and it feels wrong then you need to tell someone, and find another doctor or someone who can let you do the talking and explaining. Remember doctors are only human, they can make bad judgement calls too. But a good therapist works with you to uncover and discover who you are, not who they think you are based on some text book.:bang: I hope this helps.(*hug*) Remember you are NOT alone. Btw. Welcome to the EC. This is a good place for you to be.:icon_wink
1) This guy is raising some red flags for me. He wants you to go away for a year, basically repressing any trans feelings you may have, and then come back? If anything, you should be working in therapy to understand why you're feeling this way, whether it's because you're trans or not. That's in the job description of a gender therapist, or any therapist really, to help you figure stuff out. 2) Did this guy tell you how you didn't fit the "profile" for a trans person? Was it an age thing? If so, there are plenty of people who didn't realise they were trans until they were a little (or a lot) older, myself included. If he didn't tell you how you didn't fit this profile, then I definitely wouldn't trust him. 3) The DSM lists one of the symptoms of Gender Identity Disorder as being "associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning, or with a significantly increased risk of suffering, such as distress or disability." The fact that you're having trouble getting a job, friends, etc. shouldn't be dismissed. Whether it's because of GID or another psychological issue, I can't say. 4) Obviously, cutting and starving are issues if you wanted to start HRT, but you mentioned that you're not expecting to dive into treatment. Most, if not all, gender therapists require that clients be mentally stable to a certain degree before starting HRT, so it would present a problem in that aspect, but just talking? That's ridiculous. 5) It could be a phase, but no one besides yourself can tell you that. What I would say is watch documentaries, talk to trans people further along in their transition, search for opposing opinions (read the "truscum" blogs on Tumblr). If you can stand up to that and still feel the same way, it's likely that you are trans. 6) I'm glad you didn't lie, and I wouldn't encourage it at all. Ultimately, therapy is to help you, and if you're not telling the truth, what good is it? I would seriously recommend seeking a second opinion. This does not sound like a good therapist.
Hi there. You don't know me, but I feel as if I know you. Sort of. Ok, not the best way to start a non-stalkerish reply, but I can't help but feel a sense of... relief?.....that someone else seems to be going through the same sort of trials as I am. This will be my first post on the site in....a lot of months, but I feel compelled to share my opinion because your experience seems so similar to my own. In my case it was my parents - not the professionals I saw - that told me I didn't seem "trans enough" to them. And so, at the beginning of this year - they stopped paying for me to try and find a psychologist here in Australia, who specialized in gender-related issues. I've been through almost of a year without being able to see a professional. At first I tried to distance myself from trans-related things as much as possible. I tried to get a job, focus on my studies. Give myself room to breathe and try and determine whether or not all this confusion was just a phase, or something more substantial. Now that this year is drawing to a close, I feel even less certain of who or what I am, and what I should do about it. Don't get me wrong - I think it is advisable to analyse one's feelings. To be SURE one isn't simply going through a phase, before taking drugs that will permanatly alter your body. But I can't shake the feeling that I've wasted a year of my life. A year that I'll never get back. I'm more depressed, more suicidal, more at risk. And for what? So that someone, somewhere could be more convinced that I have a "genuine issue"? I know this is my own personal experience and shouldn't be taken as the empirical rule for everyone's individual circumstances. But If anyone, especially a so-called professional - is telling you to put yourself through a year of repressive purgatory, just so they can be 'sure' you're not going through a phase - they're not worth your time or money. As electrolicious says - any therapist should be trying to work with you, so that both they and you, can come to an understanding of your exact situation, and what would be best solution for you. Just a few other quick notes. I think most of the other replies have covered these, but it never hurts to reinforce: - There is no "profile" for transgenderism. Outside of "an individual who feels their physical gender (sex) does not match their gender identity. Lots of people will point to incidents when they were children to confirm their gender dysphoria, but it's largley understood that as there are millions of kinds of people on this planet, there are millions of ways to be transgender - and there are plenty of trans individuals who didn't realize they were such, until well into their twenties, even thirties. - Really what you should be doing - as electrolicious said - is as much research as possible. Not distancing yourself from this topic. If you are to have any chance of discerning whether this is a phase for you - or something concrete, you'll need as many different perspectives as possible. Again - I'm sure this post has mostly repeated what others have already said. But I just..am so glad there's someone else out there in similar shoes to mine - I couldn't help but comment. You are NOT alone.
