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Gay or bi, the hardest question I've ever asked myself.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ConfusedStudent, Nov 10, 2012.

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  1. ConfusedStudent

    ConfusedStudent
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Finland
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hello!

    Going to be a long post, bare with me!

    I started college few months back and I've been having really conflicting feelings for the past few months. I first realised that I could be attracted to men a year ago while I was still in the army (army service is mandatory here for males, ranging from 6 months to the maximum time that I spent there, a year). I've never been in a serious relationship with a woman and I'm starting to think that I never want to be in one.

    A few months back I started to look at men a whole lot more than I used to and after a while I realized I was (atleast) bi. A month from that point I started to question my attraction towards women. I've always enjoyed a good looking woman and straight porn but I started to think it might actually just be me trying to fit in. That thought came from noticing that my feelings were a lot stronger toward guys than women.

    Quickly after that (~a week) realization I lost my virginity to a woman. Boy was that unfulfilling. All night I was not that interested in having sex with her, not that she wasn't hot, but I just couldn't say no to her. I was "ready to go" all the way up untill it was actually time to go. As soon as we got our clothes off my erection left and never came back. I know it could be the fact that I was drunk and the pressure of the first time but the fact that I was not really interested in her got me really thinking that I might be 100 % gay.

    Now a couple months have passed and I find myself looking at women more and more and that is confusing. I'm at the point that I know I don't want a relationship with a woman, I'm romantically attracted to guys, but I seem to be sexually attracted to women aswell. I even have days when my brain says that I'm 100 % straight and all this has just been my brain messing with me. Also I still enjoy straight porn alongside gay porn but whenever I look at straight porn I find myself looking at quite degrading videos.

    I seem to be stuck in a loop that I can't get out of. Atleast I know I want to have a boyfriend rather that a girlfriend but still the idea that I'm sexually attracted to women keeps getting me confused.

    Sorry for the long post, had to clear my mind by writing all this down! :slight_smile:

    - A confused future engineer
     
    #1 ConfusedStudent, Nov 10, 2012
  2. jargon

    jargon
    Full Member

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    Location:
    New England
    I'm lead to believe Finland is a very accepting place. Would it be a bad thing, in your mind, if you found out you were gay? Or bi?

    I know that's not the only reason this question is bothering you (you probably just want to know) but if you don't have to worry about what your orientation is, you have a nice advantage. The best thing you could do would be to just forget about labels like "bi" and "gay" for a while and date around.

    Like whoever you feel like liking in whatever way feels natural. Its hard to do, but the more you can do that, the clearer it will be to you a couple months from now when you think back and realize "wow, I've really only had my eyes on guys this whole time," or "actually, I still like guys, but I could have a good time dating girls too," or whatever else you notice given a little time and patience.
     
    #2 jargon, Nov 10, 2012
  3. ConfusedStudent

    ConfusedStudent
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2012
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Finland
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Yeah, Finland is a very liberal place and I already know I'm atleast bi. I'm just having a hard time grasping my feelings toward women.

    And yeah, I just want to know before I start coming out but I'm guessing it'll be a while before I can say for sure. :slight_smile:

    I'll try not to label myself for a while and see where that takes me. Thanks for the idea! :icon_bigg
     
    #3 ConfusedStudent, Nov 10, 2012
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