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Advice? Help? I'm in love with a girl who can't physically be with me.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Miki, Nov 10, 2012.

  1. Miki

    Miki Guest

    Hey. So Im a 30 year old female whos always been both physically and emotionally attracted to other females. I met this girl about a few months ago and we hit it off incredibly, everything was perfect and all we both wanted to do was be in each others company. Things were amazing, she was amazing and we both fell in love, some may say it was so quick but I don't know, it just felt right. Shes also 30. She's very affectionate and I know she has genuine feelings for me, as I do her. The problem is being with me physically is something she can't do. It isn't me, she tells me she is so attracted to me BUT there's something inside her that doesn't work physically when it goes to happen. She hates it and wishes she could wake up and be sexually okay with being with a woman. She's never experienced anything like what we have with either a man or a woman and wishes we could be together but it's not working because of her not being there sexually. It's heart breaking because we are in love with one another and neither of us can't fathom not being in one another's lives. HELP... Anyone have any advice on this? Anyone had a similar experience, if so how did you deal with it? Thankyou :frowning2:
     
  2. swimmingkevo

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    Sounds like she hasn't fully accepted being a lesbian yet - give her some time or try to help her with accepting herself and it will happen.
     
  3. Tetraquark

    Tetraquark Guest

    There is a chance that she is asexual. If that is the case, I would recommend looking up advice on how to make mixed relationships (i.e. those involving someone who is asexual and someone who is not) work. There might be some useful information on AVEN's website. Even if you're partner isn't asexual, you might still find some useful information in the asexual community, since this is a common problem.
     
  4. Toffee

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    Yeah I was gonna say that too she could be asexual
     
  5. Zuuki

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    If you really love this girl, being unable to have sex with her should not end your relationship. Sex and love are two different things.
     
  6. Miki

    Miki Guest

    I probably forgot to mention the most important thing and the reason she wouldn't be asexual - she says she would physically still want to be with men, I am her first girlfriend. It's heartbreaking because I do love her and I've told her its not just about the sex at all but I dunno. :'( I guess I just fell in love with a straight girl...
     
  7. Toffee

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    Well then perhaps it is that she cannot fully accept her homosexual feelings yet? Either that or she is a biromantic heterosexual
     
  8. Tetraquark

    Tetraquark Guest

    I agree with Toffee. Romantic orientation does not always line up with sexual orientation. It might still be worth checking out asexual relationship information, since the community has quite a lot of advice on how to navigate relationships between someone who wants sex and someone who doesn't.

    Also, depending on your exact circumstances, you might want to consider an open relationship. It might allow you to get your sexual needs met. I don't know much about it personally, but there are others here who do.
     
  9. The Escapist

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    Does she still want to be in a relationship with you? I agree with the last two posters, she could be biromantic heterosexual or something else.
    I personally am gray-asexual and am a bit repulsed with the idea of sex, which is a word the asexual (or AVEN) community uses occasionally.
    I also lie on the more homoromantic, heterosexual ends of the invisible spectrum.
     
  10. Miki

    Miki Guest

    Thankyou so much for your advice, it means a lot. Yeah she does but she asked me what would happen if she cheated with a guy or ran off with one? She said that would only hurt me more. It's a complicated situation because I really fell for her and her me.. I don't blame her at all for what's happened and I know I'm better off knowing all this rather than having something forced. Thanks again.