So a few weeks ago i was suggested to stand in front of my mirror and say "I'm gay". And really what has come out of my mouth its "I'm ghahhahaha....". I have noticed 2 things in these about 25 tries, its that i don't want to say it and i am scared to say it too. Until now i have said GAY, but only to stuff that doesn't affiliate with me but when it comes to me the "you know" and hinting comes into place. So these past few weeks i haven't been able to come on EC and a lot has happened. First of all lying has become second nature to me i think i even lie to my self but whatever. The other day I was asked by someone if I was gay and i think that the lie I told I even believed it. Second of all i cant stop feeling like everyone is drifting away from me. All my friends have been occupied when i propose to do something or they just don't feel like doing anything. Really i dint mind much about it until the other day when i found out about something that happened about a month ago and they dint tell me. Even though I have marching band i trie my best to socialize with them even though marching band kills my social life. And each time i hang with them i just feel like and annoying stick around because i don't know what they'r talking about. Third and last thing my ex girlfriend is starting to like this new guy in the marching band (even though hes not attractive but whatever to each its own) i feel so jealous. I don't know why but ugh i just feel like being a major douche bag and ruin their blossoming relationship. But the feelings of jealousy haven't ended there sometimes i feel like hooking up with this girl that flirts with me just so i can be the first to date ugh i feel like a giant a-hole. I just wanted to rant sorry for long post (at least i think iv written a lot) and thanks for reading if you have any advice its welcomed!:dry:
Start silent. But if you can't say it because your not sure then idk but if you are sure say I'm gay in your head till it has to come out, and if it makes you feel better find a place where absolutely nobody will hear.
Took me a while to be able to say it, I still don't really feel comfortable saying it really. When I come out to people, I always make them guess. When they say, 'are you gay', I'm just like...yeah. I've never actually told someone properly. It's kinda like saying sex or a 'rude word' when you're a kid, I tend to feel shy when saying it or wrong. Me and my friend have a code word for gay for when she's at my house (just so the parents have no clue what we're talking about) and I even use it with her when nobody is around. It just makes it easier for me.
