Best friend is Bi, and now that I came out wants to be friends with benefits..

What do you do when your best friend comes out as bi *he says he is just interested in being with me*?

He says that when we around 17-18 we fooled around with each other like full blown intercourse and things of that nature. My problem is I don't remember this, although I do desire him too, we have known each other since he was 3. I was molested for many years when I was younger so I blocked out a lot of my past, now I remember doing oral things when we were 8 - 10, mind you that was me and a few boys.

He also told me that anything we did would be just between him and I, it would just be friends with benefits, nothing more. He said if it started to become something more than he would have to break it off.

Ok, I have no idea what to do, yes I desire him, when I use to get beat up as a kid he would be there to protect me. He is only 5.4, but has a black belt, and is a real ladies man.

I always been close to him and he is sooo comfortable to be around. He was worried that what we did caused me to be gay, but I told him no that can't happen.

We spent the day hanging out, going to the mall, and shopping for cologne. Afterwords, went back to his place and had a few drinks, I was very relaxed, so I guess I was showing very fem, and he said that it would take getting used to, but that he is happy I feel free to be myself around him.

It was then that he dropped the bombshell about us. I was flattered then blushing then OMG, I wanted him so bad all of a sudden, but both our living arrangement's leave a lot to be desired. So he said that this would be something for the future, and that he has been wanting to be back with me sexually for decades. He asked if I wanted to, and I didn't even think about saying no.

But I am so confused now, I mean I don't remember the things he described us doing *so wishing I could* but I remember fooling around together when we were so much younger. I remember living in the places, that he said it had happened, and I have no doubt that if I was interested in being that way with anyone it would have been him.

I just don't know what to do, I am excited about the ideas he said we already did, and yet nervous, that I don't remember it.

I mean he has had plenty of girlfriends, but hasn't been in a relationship in about a yr. He says he will never marry, and just wants the physical part of an relationship....

What should I do?

 

You mentioned a history of abuse and so I'm wondering if you might have disassociated being with him when you were 17-18? You did mention that because of being molested you had blocked out a lot of your past.

Are you looking for simply friends with benefits or something more? I suspect the sex is looking pretty good but are you apt to want more than he is prepared to give you? He is the one that said if it were to become more than friends with benefits he would break it off. That sounds very shallow on his part. I suspect that you are the one that might get hurt in the end.

Only you can decide what you want to do. Having a sexual arrangement may be okay but I suspect you are looking for more than that.

 

Look, I don't know what planet he's on, but "best friends + sex" is a relationship. End of.

Not gonna work.

 

I guess, at first it sounded great, but the more I look upon it, I can't.

Yes the things he told me may have happened, I mean I blocked out being gay for 30+ years, I am sure I could have blocked that out as well.

But being friends with him has always been good, he has never judged me in being who I am, or who I was. He said the day I told him I am gay, that he would always be there for me, that he would always be my wing man.

So as much as the idea sounds tempting, I will have to say no. *sigh* I hope this won't be the deal breaker for us, because now that I know who I am, I need the few friends I do have.

 

How's your memory, in a health sense? Quite frankly I couldn't imagine forgetting sex at 17. Unless I was having so much of it that my mind went. =p

I mean, as people age, they could forget things I suppose but forgetting something like that could probably be chalked up to a memory problem of some sort.

 

Or your buddy remembers the little bit of "fooling around" and is delusional about having done more.

 

my memory has always been a mess, I could go into great detail of my life, and then would wish to hang myself afterwords, as I cannot talk about it.

Its not a bad as some, but to me it destroyed me.

I had to continually remake myself for others so that I could try and find this so called thing called happiness or what other say of a thing called love.

I don't understand these concepts.

I wish I did, am I happy now, I think so, but I don't know. I believe I am gay, I must be, because I desire men, constantly.
I thought that by saying I am gay, that it would go away, and for a while it did, but now.... I don't know.
I want to be with a man, and I have been with a woman. All I have ever sought was to make others happy