So about a year ago my mom and I were talking about some serious stuff (my parents weren't getting a long very well) and somehow we got off on the topic of how my brother and I were good kids and she listed reasons and one of them was that we hadn't gotten any girls pregnant. And in that moment I told myself "it's time" so I just said, "Mom i have something to tell you." and she asked what it was so I said you won't ever have to worry about me getting a girl pregnant and she just kind of started crying and she gave me a hug and then she said it wasn't what she wanted for me but that she still loved me. Then she said she has to tell my father and I begged her not to and she said that she couldn't keep it from him and I just got so worried and I told her maybe I'm not and I immediately regretted it and then she asked me some questions like what girls i thought were pretty so I just lied so she wouldn't tell my dad. I don't think my dad would have too much of a problem with it because overall I thought my mom would have a harder time because every now and then she would say "that's gay" or other things like that and my dad never would. So there for a while my mom never said anything like that and I thought that maybe she understood or something but lately she has started saying stuff like that again and i just don't know. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I guess i'm just confused by my mom. She also knows a gay guy from work and she talks about how funny he is and stuff like that and I've never heard her say anything bad about him and also there is a kid that goes to my school that my mom knows that's gay and she talks about how nice and funny he is. So i don't think she has a problem with gay people and if my mom says something is gay my dad doesn't really reply to her or anything. maybe sometimes he'll kind of laugh but i don't think he laughs like in a bad way...idk. :bang: Any advice or anything?
well, you already came out to your mom, i guess even though you stepped back in the closet. you probably should tell your father first and then tell your mom again. i think you'll be okay, man.
In reading this, I kind of think that you're still out to your mother. I kind of think that she realized how serious you were about keeping it from your father and decided to cover it for now because it seemed important to you. If it were me, and keep in mind I'm not telling you what I necessarily think you should do, but if it were me I would probably talk to her again about it. It sounds like you think your dad will take this in a relatively calm manner, so it might not be a bad time to clean the slate all around. Again though, if it's your mom that's confusing you, the only way you're going to resolve that confusion is to talk to her about it.
Hmm, your mom may not mean it in an offensive way when he says 'that's gay'. The fact that your mother says good things about gay people she knows might mean that she's accepting of the possibility that you might be gay and wants to show it by saying those things. Have you considered talking to your mom about your orientation again? Telling her you're sure now? From what you've said, I don't think she'd mind i that much anymore. As for your father, I don't really know. But again, from what you've said, I don't see why he won't be accepting. Then again, you haven't given much information about him so it's hard to say. Does your mother ever talk about those gay people in his presence? If so, does he say anything about them? That could be an indicator.
Thank you everyone for the responses. I desperately want to tell my parents but I just can't ever bring myself too. I honestly don't think my parents would take it badly. The thing I am most worried about is the awkward period that you go through after the initial coming out. I also forgot one KEY piece of the story. We were attending a new church and the preacher was telling a story and he said, "You can go to Home Depot...no don't go there they support the gays...you can go to Lowe's...." and afterwards we were discussing the sermon and my brother said he thought it was funny what the preacher said and my mother said, "I don't agree with that at all. He really shouldn't have said that" and my dad didn't say anything. And yes my mom has talked about the gay people in his presence and he never says much...I can't recall exactly what he says but I know it wasn't bad but it may not have been good...just neutral I guess. I am also worried about my brother. My family has never been really close. Not that we don't get along just we don't tell each other much at all...
I think you should really talk to your mom again about it. From what you said it sounds like she would be fine with it, and your father, well, he doesn't sound really thrilled about anything, so I don't think he would have a problem with it. But you must remember take your time, there is no rush, unless you feel there is one. You are gay and, sometimes its nice just for you to know that.(*hug*)
My mom did the exact same thing. She told my Father, my Sister, my Brother, and who knows who else. All of them were ok with it, I am kind of glad she defied me and did it because there was no way in hell I was going to. So maybe let her? It is way less stressful than telling them yourself.
Thank you both for your replies. And I have thought of letting my mom tell them when I tell her again but I'm not sure I'm ready for that just yet. Lately I have really been wanting to tell one of my best friends and I don't think she would have a problem with it I'm just worried. I was honestly trying to talk myself into doing it all day today but it just didn't seem like the right day...idk. I just want strength.
