[I finally went and got tested over the summer, without talking to my parents about it. They resisted testing all through high school--three different counselors recommended it. I went to an alternative elementary, so it didn't come up until then. The psychiatrist didn't even hesitate: ADHD combined type.] Sometimes I feel so LAZY. I'm not exactly stupid, but I don't seem to be capable of getting anything done; I've been practically immobile for weeks. I don't seem capable of keeping up in school, despite the fact that I have nothing but free time and I know how to do all of my assignments. I've finally learned that ADHD can mimic bipolar symptoms, which is a huge relief. The difference is that bipolar mood shifts can occur three or four times a year--with ADHD they might change that much in a day. Everything is so intense: excitement, joy, loneliness, rejection... I moved into my own apartment at the beginning of October. I've never lived on my own before. I need my space (being constantly around people is emotionally draining) but I've never had so much of it before. I think that might be what's causing the immobility. I also don't know what to do about it. I don't have the money to pay for extra-curricular activities. I don't have the time, either, because I spend all of that procrastinating my homework. I only have a few friends in this city, and they're all super busy, and I can't do homework and hang out with them. I'm about a week behind. The woman in the disability centre (the spell-check's failure to recognise British spelling is getting to me) reprimanded me for taking four courses when I only need two to be considered full-time. I'm scared that if I don't take enough, I'll get frustrated and won't complete my program. I'm scared of dropping out--I also feel trapped in school. I also need a job, and there aren't many opportunities in this student-filled tourist-industry town in the winter. I can't prioritise finding a job with all of my homework, and it's scary anyways so I don't tend to want to. I miss my twin, who I used to live with and is now with her boyfriend, but I'm determined to not call her again until she does. She has a habit of forgetting everybody but whoever she happens to be dating. I had arranged to see her this weekend, but she seems to have forgotten about it. I've hung out with her once since I moved over a month ago. When she was single, we were closer to each other than anyone else...so yes, I'm jealous, but she also needs to figure out that she can't drop her other relationships just because she has a boyfriend. I texted her awhile ago about how I really needed some emotional support and she didn't get back to me for three days. I just don't know how to deal with this. I don't know how much living on my own is affecting my mood, for starters. I feel numb when I'm on my own too much, and I have been almost entirely. I guess I'm lonely, but I don't recognise that easily. I walked out onto the foot bridge the other day and though about what it would feel like to jump. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live for nothing, either. And maybe the cold water would wake me up a bit. When I was depressed as a kid, sometimes I would want to just leave, drop everything and walk away into the future. Now that I'm a renter I can't; I have responsibilities. I'm trapped. ...and that was random. You read this far? Wow. I can't even remember what I was trying to say when I started--and I'm a writing student, for shame. ADHD, eh? The psychiatrist asked if I want medication, but I think I'd abuse it. I want to make this stop too badly. Does anyone know what to do about being alone and immobile? ---------- Post added 11th Nov 2012 at 11:43 PM ---------- Ooo. That was longer than I thought it would be in the little box. I would edit it, but I'm procrastinating editing an assignment I have to finish tonight.
Can i just, wow, like you've managed to capture in words what I think through multiple times a day, like, wow. I know I'm kinda (or at least should professionally be ) in the same boat as you are, so I cant really offer advice on a way off but I can let you know you are not alone and that I'm here if you need a person to say words too. Also i wouldnt pass on the meds my friend got diagnosed and when he was on the meds he was essentially mr.focused on everything and he got shit done.
No, it's great to hear I'm not the only one! I really don't want to be dependent on medication. I'm scared that if I took anything that made it easier to function I wouldn't want to stop. If I was in a more solid place emotionally right now I might consider it, because I wouldn't be as inclined to take them all the time. I tend to classify them with recreational drugs that help with homework. I've also spent my whole life learning how to function (other than homework!) on my own, and I don't want to think that the meds are necessary. And I wrote a paper last year on why it shouldn't be medicated...what a hypocrite.
I have also been diagnosed with ADHD. I live on my own and suffer from the same symptoms as you. I tried taking several different medications, but they all made me emotionally imbalanced. I was angry all the time and took it out on everyone. I am much happier not on the meds. I'm not saying don't try them because I know some people who take them and it helps them a lot. I'm just giving my personal opinion. I know it gets rough, and I do still have the mood swings between happy, sad, depressed ect. My best advise is to just tell yourself that you are stronger than it is. Another thing is to try to find something to help you concentrate. I usaully listen to music and I can focus a lot better. Not sure if any of this was much help. *hugs* everything will work out fine tho
A lot of people struggle with attention problems and many doctors misdiagnose ADHD and freely give out prescriptions for psychostimulants. I begged my parents to get me tested in high school, but they understood the condition more than I did and did not want me on medication. I have rough patches every few months, lasting weeks at a time. I can barely get out of bed, I skip my classes, and it's impossible for me to get work done. It would be easy for me to get a prescription, but I hate the idea of giving into it and taking the easy route. I think many illnesses have a mental component, and I'm afraid that I'm just being lazy and making excuses. I have the same problem that you have with being on my own. I like being alone and having my own personal space, but I get depressed when I'm alone for too long. So I guess I'm just afraid of sinking into a hole I can't get out of. I set up my current living arrangement to make it impossible to isolate myself. Have you considered getting a roommate? That would also help with rent. You should be extra cautious with the medication used to treat attention disorders. Like you, I have an addictive personality. I still struggle with substance abuse and wonder what percentage of my attention problem comes from dependency on psychostimulants. Hope this helped!
I used to think that ADHD didn't exist, that it was a product of our society. I had/have several problems that are connected, though, such as a delay in impulse control and social awkwardness. When I was little, my mom thought that I might have asperger's syndrome. I had several similar symptoms, but without the emotional disconnect that is associated with it. Instead my emotions/emotional responses are overwhelmingly intense. I can't get a roommate now as I only have a one-bedroom. I also have a habit of hiding whenever there's someone I don't know really well in my space. I do fight the temptation to get the drugs for recreational use...
While I haven't been diagnosed, I'm quite certain I'm ADHD. I'm always fidgeting and I can never sit still because I'm tapping my foot or moving my fingers or biting my lip or pacing or something. People just say its because I'm nervous but I do it all the time even when I'm not nervous at all. I pretty much scan whatever I'm reading rather than reading it 100% no matter how much I try otherwise. I have a very hard time focusing on anything for extended periods of time and have pretty much all the symptoms except I don't get angry very easily, but I am very emotional and my mood swings freak me out sometimes. I hate having nothing to do and hate when I'm alone. As for homework, I'm absolutely TERRIBLE. In fact, I don't think I'll be going to college next semester because I never get homework done and as a result my grades have suffered immensely. My parents think I'm just using ADHD as an excuse to get out of college or procrastinate, but I seriously struggle with this, and I'm glad you guys probably understand what I mean. I honestly wish it was easier for me to focus, but I don't like taking medicine or feeling dependent on them. My friends sometimes take birth control for their periods, and mine can get pretty bad, but I would never take birth control because you HAVE to take it every day at the same time and I'm not down with that. I only take a motrin for my cramps if I can hardly move from the pain. :dry: Anyway, I will live with this without the medicine but I know it will always be a struggle for me to keep focused. :icon_sad:
As sad as it sounds you may have to get a job in the food services industry. They`re pretty much opened year round, and are always hiring. There is no shame in work, especially if you can`t find it elsewhere As for being on your own, it is perfectly normal to experience what you are feeling. And I cannot tell you enough how much I understand the procrastination part. It is easy to trick yourself you will do something later even though you know you never will. Try doing a bit of homework at a time, even for ten minutes if anything. At least that way you are doing some of it, and will feel more accomplished. It`s all about taking baby steps. There is no way you are going to auto get a job, auto do your homework, and resolve everything in a short period of time. So for now attempt focusing on one area, and just do something, whether small or big, about it. That way you know you are progressing. It will take some time, to get good habits, especially with ADHD but it is possible. Your ADHD should be taken as a blessing, your brain is hyperactive, and you see the world through non-majority eyes, which is good. You have a different more advanced prospective on life because of it, so try to take what good comes with it, instead of focusing on the positives. Did you know that ADHD could have been what caused humans to leave Africa and colonize the world in the first placeÉ Many anthropologists agree that this gene could have been exactly what was needed to drive people out of living in the same area year after year. ADHD is also found almost exclusively in gene types that originate from outside of Africa, so you may be directly related to one of the descendants that colonized this planet. It was beneficial at the time, and not so much in our thoroughly organized world. But in a chaotic world your mind would be beneficial, and a necessity. Even diabetes had a legit reason for coming around; sugar used to be much more rare in the natural world, therefore being sensitive to it was beneficial, getting a little bit meant your body was doing as much with that sugar as it can. Now with our modern world, diabetes is a killer because we have sugar readily available at all times, and it is harder to balance the two. This is the reason there are obese people, sugar and fat are highly sought after nutrients for human because again in the natural world they were way more scarce. Now with all of it being readily availible, and almost every human having a horrible attraction to sugar and fat as a means of survival, means that we have obese people, unhealthy people, all because of a natural character trait of humanity. It really isn`t obese peoples fault for being big, it was merely them acting out on their human needs and desires for sugar and fat. But again, thousands of years ago Diabetes, like ADHD would have been something YOU WANTED. It is a natural part of human development, and you should be proud to have it. You carry a gene that possibly made the world what it is today! I was diagnosed as ADHD the same year I was accepted into the Enhanced program for school. So ADHD can come hand in hand with intelligence. I simply was not challenged in school and goofed off because of it.
I'm happy to work in a restaurant or cafe, even if it's just bussing tables. I like feeling useful...in fact, I enjoy bussing as you get to run around helping everyone but you're not the one that has to deal with it if something goes wrong. I won't work in a fast-food restaurant though, for three reasons--I don't want to be eating the food, and would be ashamed to tell anyone where I worked, and I would feel guilty selling it to people. I was raised in a very left-wing liberal community that doesn't even HAVE a fast-food restaurant. I know! I hate thinking of it as a disorder. I'm smart, if that isn't too immodest, and it's frustrating to feel as if I'm less fit in some way. I do very well if the work is interesting, and I got decent grades in high school without really putting much effort in (which unfortunately meant that I didn't learn how), I just struggle if it's boring, or if there are more interesting things around. I either blank out and sit quietly doing nothing, or I'm jumping up and down. Sometimes it's physically painful to wrench myself back to what I'm supposed to be doing, an awful twisting sensation.
I was only able to read the first paragraph or so and I will read the rest later but WOW, I just moved into my own apartment in october, and you sound scarily exactly like me o_o. Did you talk to a doctor about feeling ADHD? did they then give you a referral? I am going to see my Gen pract tomollow so I'm thinking of telling her how I feel.
I did over the summer, and I now have a legal ADHD diagnosis. The GP will refer you to a psychiatrist, who will do a bunch of interviews.
If you enjoy bussing than DO IT! I have a manual labour job, and don`t care if people think that is a reflection of my intelligence, I haven`t been told by almost every person I get to know I am really smart for nothing. So don`t feel you need to be modest, you should be proud of your brain. I felt the same and did the same in highschool. I wasn`t challenged, felt it too easy to get grades, and didn`t do a lot of the assignment because I had known that information for years and felt insulted that my school system considered the curriculum appropriate for someone my age. I literally felt like my brain just didn`t work properly, because I knew the information, but couldn`t strap down and articulate it into monotonous text. That`s how I feel about studying especially when I already know what I am studying. As well, I find myself most interested and putting the most effort into subjects I don`t have a huge knowledge base already on. But for the most part, I really did not learn much in highschool, besides maths and sciences, everything else I had taken the time to learn on my own at a very young age; history, social studies, english, everything. So you aren`t alone. ADHD is literally just having too many synapses in your brain going off at once, and it can be hard to focus all your attention on one thing, when your mind is going a million miles a minute and seems disinterested in what is important. My best advice, and it is what works for me, is I focus on the rewarding feeling that a hard days work of labour or even school work can give you. Knowing you accomplished something is a very good feeling, and knowing that your `tasks`or to do list is shorter can bring you comfort. It is when you procrastinate put things off that you ``to do list`seems daunting, and almost impossible to complete. When I get to this point, I focus on the rewarding feeling I will get from doing what I don`t want to do, and I also just focus on one thing at a time. If I was doing school work I wouldn`t be worry about money or other things, only my school work. Sometimes it is best to just focus your procrastination on one area; whether it be school, work or coming out, and that way you can feel you can accomplish something. That is decide on one thing that YOU AREN``T GOING TO DO, and ARENT GOING TO WORRY ABOUT. Once you have chosen what you don`t care about or are going to procrastinate for the time being, your ``to do list`` is shorter already, because you have it in your mind that you don`t need to do whatever you chose not to do. This in return will take stress of your plate and make you feel like you have a lot less to do. Once you finish one task, say it is homework, than take the other items of the procrastination backburner, and focus on those, and then put your homework on the backburner. Procrastination is all about figuring out what is more important to be put on hold for the time being, and what needs to be addressed currently. If you try to tackle everything at once you will never be motivated to DO ANYTHING. So do it one at a time. First focus on your school, who cares about being gay, or having a job. Or maybe you can focus on a job, put school and being gay on the side until you finish that. This way you will be able to accomplish at least one task, while still procrastinating, and doing things the way you like to do them. I hate making a list of things I have to do, it honestly discourages me from doing anything, so I tend to focus on one at a time. If one day I feel like I need to address being gay, I tend not to focus on my monetary situation, and when I will eventually enroll in school(I haven`t even gone to post-secondary I am such a procrastinator), So try to make your workload less intimidating, and pick one or two aspects of your life to work on at a time. An ADHD mind is going to want you to think about everything at once, but you have to realize you cannot drive a boat while making pâncakes; if that analogy makes sense to you.
