For several years I have been questioning my sexuality. I am married and love my wife and enjoy having sex with her, so I feel I might be bi sexual. I enjoy watch videos of men having sex either with or with out a woman. This is what has gottem me to think about who I am sexually and I don't think I can say for sure with out being with another man at least once. So here lies my questions. First can you every really know without trying? Second how do I go about having that first time? A friend who is gay has offered to help set me up with someone she knows. I like this idea because I know her and trust her. Is this the best way or is going out to a gay bar and see what happens better? My two major concerns here is HIV and all the STDs that are out there and getting caught in a situation that is out of my control. To answer questions some may have, my wife knows I have this feelings and is herself bi. We have talked about it and how to handle it. She currently has a lover that she will spend time with. Any suggestions or advise would be great. Help this old dog at least try a new trick. :lol:
First, Welcome to EC (^_^)^! 1. Yes it is possible for you to know without having a first time. I'm sure those who fall under the more defined orientations would probably be able to pin-point it more easily. I would say about 80% of the reason people are confused or wary about their sexuality is because of issues with comfort and acceptance. 2. I wouldnt say there is a set way to have your first time. About your friend, I would just really tak to here about this guy. Does she think hes a good guy? Is he the partying and hook-up type. If he is a nice guy and you are attracted to him, it makes more sense to see how you guys click first before you go to clubs and such. 3. As far as STD and HIV, its really just about being responsible. We all know to use condoms and all that, but the most important aspect is being responsible with who you bring into your bedroom. Especially if you got the friend route, it shouldnt be a problem with talking about these things, past partners, testing etc.
Hi, and welcome to EC. I think for most of us, we did know without having to actually have sex. My guess is that for you, it's been an evolving process, and there's probably a lot of emotional baggage tied up with thinking you might be gay or bi, which may be clouding things. That being the case, I'm not sure that just hooking up with someone would necessarily give you the answer because... think of it this way: Presumably you felt a strong connection to your wife when you married her. But would just any woman have made you feel the same things you felt for your wife? Probably not. The same would apply to being with a guy. If there's no chemistry, it's not going to be a whole lot different than masturbating, and if he isn't someone you're attracted to well... you might give yourself a false sense that you aren't attracted to men at all. So I think you're better off exploring in a different way. Look at where your porn fantasies are more carefully; think about whether it is the guys or the girls that turn you on, and if both, how much you're turned on by either. Try masturbating without porn, strictly using fantasy, and see which fantasies are stronger and more arousing for yourself. Think about when you're out and about, and where your eyes wander when you aren't really thinking about it... is it guys, girls, or both? You might also try watching some lesbian porn (95% of it is made for hetero men) and see how much that turns you on, as that will give you a good idea if it is the women, or the men that in the hetero porn are arousing you. These sorts of things will help you get a better idea of what's appealing to you and, therefore, where your orientation lies. I think you're best off taking this a bit slowly and getting a little better sense of yourself before you start dating or having hookups with guys. Finally, as far as the STI concerns... if you are cautious, ask questions about sexual history, how recently the person has been tested, AND you use safer sex techniques consistently, your risk is pretty low. Likewise, avoid Craigslist hookups or other hookup sites, bathhouses, and the like, as the people you find on those tend to be pretty promiscuous and that increases the risk of getting an STI.
I dont think that you need to be with someone to know if you are attracted to guys or girls. I know I am gay and I have never been with someone of either sex. My therapist once asked me how did I know? Later that night I thought about it and wished my response was "did you have to be with a guy to know that you are straight?"
