See I am in an extremely small city and believe me when I say there are no gay people and even if there is they won't come out because they don't think anybody else is. So I am lonely and I check empty closets because I have nobody to talk to. I can talk to my friends that know I am gay but it is not the same. I need someone who can really talk to or actually hug meet or something. I guess this is sorta whiny but I am pretty lonely and I wish that I had someone to actually be here with me. Please do not give the generic it is ok it will get better because i know I just want someone to share a good real conversation with. And talking online just doesn't cut it i feel as if I have something that I need and it is not here and I need it to be. If things can't be done I understand I just wish I was old enough to live away from here.
Well lets start by saying being young and gay sucks, I also come from a small town but am lucky that my moms military so she moved us around a lot. All I can say is it helps just to talk it out and have someone listen
You could find solace in talking to someone in your city, it doesn't have to be about being gay either. Sometimes just having someone around helps you feel better. Try making a friend for now, and worry about being gay later. Seems like you are legit lonely and are longing for some kind of socialization. I too am from a small town, and understand what you are going through. There definitively are other gay people in your town, but they're like you, and too scared to come out. I think you already realize this though. So if you are not one for internet support, try just getting some regular human interaction, that should cheer you up, even if it is temporarily, something is better than nothing. Also have you tried talking to your family about this? Or just about anything? You can talk to them about feeling lonely, they don't have to know you are gay. Just talking can help.
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What people have said. You can deal with loneliness minus the gay part. Social interaction is social interaction. Are you like, super shy?
I find it sort of insulting. I am not ligitimatly lonely and that is why I am only usually on at night. I hang out alot and have plenty of friends.... I am tired of just not having someone here that is gay maybe i want a bf idk but the problem isnt im lonely because i am not and yeah but i guess you cant really relate I guess ill just talk to some of my friends then...
Being from a small town myself and not having ANY friends who knew I was gay (until I was 17, almost 18) it was no fun at all. It can feel lonely at times, but just keep things in perspective. We are lucky to live in a time where there is less stigma attached with being gay (at least in the western world anyway). And at least you have friends who know your sexuality and accept you. Chances are if you are out, you will very likely have someone come to you and confide to you about their sexuality by the time you are almost finish school. Well, just keep things in perspective. One day you'll be able to leave your city and let your gay freak fly in an urban center with an active gay scene/life/organizations/etc. Still, if you find yourself lonely by not knowing any other gay people, talk to your friends! Chances are they are there for you and will hear out how you feel.
I think anyone can relate to you dude. I am from a town of 35,000 bigger than most cities in North America; in size, so my actual town or area has around 2,00 people. There isn't a store or any kind of establishment besides a farm within walking distance of where I live. I am 23, and work in a shitty labour intensive job. I can relate to you on the lonely feeling. I am still closeted, and hang out with people all the time, but again still feel lonely. SO you are not the only one feeling similar feelings. You can express yourself online, and get support for now on here. As for the whole boyfriend thing, you really can't have one unless you are out, yes you can try, but methods for closeted people are a lot more sketch than out people. I had a boyfriend who dumped me because I was such a big closet case. So you may think you want a boyfriend, but if you had one, how would you even go about hiding it? Humans are horny, and need sex to feel good, so know that your feelings are only hormonal,and are from your inherit need to reproduce(or just get off). Sexual frustration can be extremely annoying, I suffer from it intensely as my sex drive is above normal, and I am alone. Whacking off is the only option I can give you, it will at least subside your feelings for interaction temporarily. Believe me when I say, I am a horn dog, and am extremely lonely living in this small town closeted. I know exactly how you feel possibly even worse than you feel; depending on your sex drive. It's called being a human, we are all guilty of it.
Thanks for the people and i understand that i am not the only one i just wanted advice dealing with being closeted. What i didnt want was people assuming i havr NO social life because that was offensive. Anyway im starting a poll thread on who should i tell next.
Your original post had connotations that you didn't hang out with many people. Even if you do. Loneliness is a fickle thing, because you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. As for advice on dealing with being closeted; take it from someone who mostly is, just take it one day at a time, and try not to think to deeply about it. You will only bury yourself deeper in it if you obsess over it; not saying you are. Try searching for stress relieving techniques as they can be helpful for just dealing with the day to day. Good music, meditation, taking time to relax all can help. Sometimes it is just good to put your problems on the back burner and focus on your current immediate needs. As long as you have plans to come out one day, being in the closet can just be a preparation for that. It doesn't have to be all bad, I like to think about being out, and like how exciting that will be for me once I finally do it. You will experience this too. The closet is a transition zone, where you find yourself, and what you want in life, once you realize this, there is no need for it. Not everyone does this quickly and some stay in it more than others. So no rush to come out, no rush to think about it. Why not just trying to relax, and enjoy what little you have in life because there are others with a lot less. You could be blind and not be able to see how beautiful the world is. So think about that. Being in the closet is not fun, but the key to surviving it is treating it as little a deal as possible. When I say take it day by day I really mean that, being closeted is a stressful thing to go through, sometimes it is just better to step away from it all and just "chill" that is focus on your current moment, and how you can make yourself comfortable. Treat being closeted as any other stressor in life, and just ignore it for the time being, try being positive. I cannot STRESS to you ENOUGH how important it is to do stress relieving techniques, whatever helps you, it will significantly improve how you feel. Stress is no good for your health, and health is the number one thing for a person, so being gay aside, focus on your stress and how to reduce it. It is a survival response to be stressed, but constantly being in a state of it can weaken your immune system, affect your heart, and do a lot of damage. I get Heart angina from stress, and it is not fun, it feels like a mini heart attack, and all of it stems from being in the closet and being gay. Just thinking about it too much can give me stress pains, so I know to stay away from that as much as I want to resolve my issues, I know that attempting to do it alone will only cause more stress, so I only focus on stress reduction and avoidance. I will worry about coming out later, right now I need to worry on how to stay mentally and physically healthy. You could possibly be in the same boat.
Lol now your worried about offending me. The only thing that can offend me is suggesting things that i have dealt with and repaired I ashirr you you cannot offend me with that but saying I have no friends was a little to far for me anyway I might just come out soon or later but whatevs idc
No offense, but you just said above that you find the comment "sort of insulting" which is basically another way of saying you were offended. You also titled the thread "I'm sorta lonely" and then get upset because people talk about your loneliness, after which you tell us you have friends. So... my point is, it isn't helpful to make ambiguous statements and then be insulted because people weren't completely successful in reading between the lines. People aren't trying to insult or offend you, nor can people infer everything from limited information. There are quite a few people on EC who have few friends in part because being closeted makes it difficult for some people to reach out socially, and that's even more common among people from small towns or rural areas, so it's not an unreasonable assumption. If I hear you correctly, what I think you're saying is that you have friends, but you feel a sense of disconnection because none of your friends know you're gay, so you feel sort of "left out" and lonely because no one really knows the true you. And (assuming I have that correct), that's one of the most common issues that LGBT people have in coming out. Basically, everyone is hardwired for connection, and we yearn for "belonging", yet being an LGBT person inherently means we don't "belong" to the same crowd as most everyone else. So yes, many of us feel lonely even if we're in a crowd of people, because we have to "fit in" rather than "belong"... and that necessary lack of authenticity creates shame, which makes us feel all the more disconnected. One of the best ways to deal with it is simply to talk about it, as you're doing here. I do suggest that it's better to work on yourself and the inherent insecurities that come from being closeted before focusing your energies on a relationship. Otherwise, you'll find that relationships are hard to maintain. But again... talking about what's going on, the loneliness, and the feelings that come from that is an important part of being able to feel more connected, and less lonely.
