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False feelings?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by santaberry, Nov 12, 2012.

  1. santaberry

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    For those who are in the closet or have problems with being actively gay...

    Do you ever worry that perhaps you're interested in someone just because they seemed interested in you? I'm not out and don't really pursue anything with anyone but there is someone I'm interested in at the moment. I'm just afraid that since I'm not really going with the flow of being gay and giving myself more opportunities that possibly I've tricked myself into thinking I like him?

    I'm more so just wanting to know if anyone else has ever done this or faced this in some shape or form because I'm terribly confused.

    From the moment it began I just felt two different things. I'm excited about there possibly being a possibility. But I'm also worried that I'm lying to myself. Like, maybe I'm just latching onto the idea of him because he seemed interested in me first. I'd hate to go down this path and then, once I got comfortable, realize that I don't really find him special to me. You know? It wouldn't be fair to him or me.
     
  2. Serephina

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    Hey Santa c: first and foremost, I LOLed at your siggy. You made my night, right there.

    Second, I have 100% been where you're at. I went way, way too far with my relationship with this guy, gave him my virginity and almost got pregnant, all because he told me he loved me. I didn't tell him back and for the first week that was okay, but then he started demanding that everything I did, be it telling him I missed him when we weren't together or kissing him a little harder when I got excited, obviously meant I loved him. So he pressured me into saying it back. I think I grew to love him, but I'm honestly not sure. It makes more sense to the rational side of my brain that I grew to be dependent on the way he made me feel, physically and emotionally. He filled a gap that certain family issues had created long ago, and I needed that.

    Regardless, my sob story isn't the point. Yes, it is completely possible to fall for someone just because they're the first, or the first in a while, person to show interest in you. So tread lightly, and maybe ask yourself "Why do I like said person?" and if you can't answer that, tread carefully. I know I still can't accept the fact that nothing my ex did really made me happy. It was just a lot of quick sex. Being a teenage boy, it didn't exactly... last. Yeah. A w k w a r d . . .

    Hope I helped ^^ ​

     
  3. santaberry

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    See that's what it was. Why do I like him? What do we have in common? I think that's what bothers me most. We have a couple mutual friends and they're like my best friends in the world because we're just like each other and are like family. So I guess I kind of was expecting that from him too? Or at least be LIKE we are as far as interests and personality.

    The worst part (at least tied for 1st) is that we work together. We're completely different in a lot of ways but we get along and make each other laugh. Maybe I just didn't ever expect to be or want to be the masculine one in a masculine/fem relationship? Maybe that's throwing me off. Idk!!! lol

    &&& I'm glad you like my signature*. It's completely true. lol
     
    #3 santaberry, Nov 12, 2012
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2012
  4. Serephina

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    Do you like his sense of humor then? The way he smells? My ex smoked non-stop, and I chocked every time I went into his room. Can you say F A I L ? But yes. If you don't even want to be in a relationship like the one you would be in if you went after this guy, then you have to take a serious five and question why the hell you'd waste your time, when you may or may not learn to accept the way it is.

    I told myself that eventually, I'd love him. It didn't really happen. I actually came to resent him for forcing me to "be" with him before I was ready, and blah, blah, b l a h . . . Yeah. So maybe try to just be friends with him for a while. Test the waters, but don't dive in head first without a bathing suit on. Never ends well ~

    And yes. I laughed. I just read it again and now I'm smiling. You, sir, make my life c:​

     
  5. santaberry

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    Yeah that's what I plan on doing since I don't even know if he's technically interested in me. He just sends signals.
     
  6. Serephina

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    I find signals are almost always jumbled up at the recieving end. It's like, everyone has a different decoder for the telepathic brainwaves we're being sent, so if someone sends "Oh hey, you're awesome," we get "OHMYGOD I WANNA EAT YOUR FACE".

    A little confusing, to say the least.

    Maybe, if you're confident enough. . . Ask him? c: I find going directly to the source can help. Or if you're more worried about the fact that you aren't sure you like him for the right reasons, ask yourself the same questions.

    Yep. I'm repeating myself at this point xD Hope I helped!​

     
  7. santaberry

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    lol thank you!

    <3