Hi guys! First, excuse me for any grammatical errors I might do, english isn't my native language. Well, there's this problem I've been carrying around for months (years?), and now I just told myself it was time to think about this more deeply, because I just can't move on without knowing. I've been hesitating a lot over the last 2 years on my sexual/emotional orientation. There's a bunch of things that just don't make sense to me, so I guess I'll just tell you everything at once, so that you understand what's on my mind: I've been in love with a guy for 2 years some time ago. Intermittently. So was it really love? I can't even remember. I never told him though, and I never got to live any love story of any sort with anyone. When I wasn't in love with him, I dreamt of a girl whom I got on so very well with. She was so sweet. But I'm not sure it was love either. I mean, maybe I just wanted someone to dream about, because that's what my subconscious tells me to do when I'm going through a particularly stressful or sad period. Mainly, my sexual fantasies are lesbian ones. But does it make me a lesbian? I really don't think that's enough to define me this way. I should also say that I turn very easily a strong friendship into... let's call that emotional admiration (which looks like love but is it really?). And since my close friends are all girls, that might be the reason why I mainly dream about girls. Maybe if had a more mixed environment, I wouldn't feel the same. Though, even if I sometimes feel confused around boys, I never want to feel this connection that I want to feel with some girls. God, rereading everything above makes feel soooo stupid. The thing is, I KNOW I'm not in love, but I think I might be attracted to girls anyway, and that if one day I actually fall in love it will be with a girl. Would you say it is possible? In fact, I miss having a relationship, and I think having all of this clearer in my head could help me KNOW WHERE to look for this relationship... I'm really sorry to have been so long explaining such a short story... But if you have any advice or comment, please feel free to tell me!
It could be that your bisexual, or maybe lean more towards girls but are still attracted to some guys. I wouldn't rush trying to figure it but there are things you can do to find out. Look up groups in your area, or get in contact with Lesbian/gay/bi person (Ideally a friend if you have one) to talk to face to face. Being in love is different than being attracted to someone and pay more attention to wether or not you think you could fall in love with a guy and/or with a girl. Ask yourself who you are more sexually attracted to, its not one or the other, but which one you are MORE attracted to. For more I call like girls but I do like guys more Google the Kinsey scale and try to place yourself on it (I'm a 4.5 for example). For your final question accepting and understanding yourself is important for having a good relationship, and attracting someone to a relationship
Thanks a lot for this answer Knowing that someone listens, even virtually, is such a comforting thought! I looked up the Kinsey Scale, and the result is 3: equally heterosexual and homosexual. I guess I shouldn't care too much about this though, it was only a 13 question test. But at least it comforts me in the idea that maybe I should just let things be what they are...
