Well I explain it all to you. Last week when I was on MSN I was talking to someone from school and we were talking about homophobia etc and He brought up the name of someone I know who is very effeminate and has a gay accent. Then this guy on MSN said "He DIDN'T tell me that he was gay when I asked him in math last year" obviously trying to say that he did come out to him. Anyway this "gay!?" guy let's call him Sam is a good friend of mine and a lot of people suspect him of being gay even though he's not out to everyone. There are many things I need advice on in this situation, but my main concern was to talk to Sam. Ask him if he was gay and say I was fine with it and he could talk to me if he wanted. If this was successful I would probably come out to him too. So today when I finally got him alone (After trying to start the conversation all day) I said something like "You know how in maths last year, Steve(Guy from MSN) asked you a question?" to this Sam interrupted me and said "No, can we not talk about that, I don't want to go there". The subject was changed, but I was really frustrated because I didn't get to say what I was trying to say. I was going to tell him that if he was I was fine with it. But I couldn't even get the start of the sentence out. My question is, should I just come out and ask him or should I lead up to it? The thing is that I'm not sure that he's gay, but I also feel I need to ask him, b/c if he told Steve(How is a complete asshole) then I think I deserve to know and I could give him a lot of support. As well as all that finding out my friend is gay would be great because I could come out to someone who I really trust, and that is a chance you get once in a blue moon at my extremely homophobic school (Where I don't want to be outed) Thanks if you read all of that. My other problems with it were more venting but this is something I really need good advice on. Hugh
Well, just looking at your status I think he may be along the same lines as you - perhaps not quite ready to come out yet, or too nervous at the moment. If he did say he was gay in the maths class it might have been a spontaneous coming out that he's come to regret, and might be making him feel even less inclined to come out. Maybe think yourself about coming out to him first, and he may follow on from there. I found that people i never even suspected of being gay or bi have come out to me (and no-one else yet, in 2 cases) because I came out to them and it lets them know I'm fully aware of how hard it is and how important the initial reactions are when coming out to someone. So before attempting to get it out of him, think first about coming out to him yourself, and even if you don't make him aware that you're 100% fine with gay people, without implying he may be gay himself. Good luck with whatever you decide! (and btw, valentine for you in the the EC valentines thread. =D)
I suggest you steer clear and let him deal with it himself, he obviously doesn't want anyone to know or hes straight.
I don't think your friend is in a position to give you the help and support you seek. It sounds to me like he is probably gay/bi but in denial. Until he comes to terms with it himself and in his own time he will not be ready to talk about this with you or anyone else. The guy on MSN is as you say a complete asshole was quite possibly fishing for information. Even if your friend has come out to this asshole (unlikely) you need to know the circumstances of this outing before you feel upset or agreaved, there maybe a story behind it. If you don't feel up to coming out to your friend then just leave things as they are for the moment. Sorry but that's the best advice I can give you for the moment.
