So recently I was outed by my sister and brother to my parents. Since then things became crazy and they have used everything they can to change me. But daily I have to be blamed for how hurt they are and that It will end up with them dying because of me. I keep trying to tell myself it's not my fault. But seeing my mom daily cry not talk to me and my sister telling me that my mom is always tired makes me blame myself. I keep trying to tell myself it's not my fault but my parents aren't taking this well at all getting sick and hurt. I come from a Muslim Arab family so this is a big deal for them and can't accept it. But I thought time would help them let it go its been almost 2 months I know not enough but what can I do? Seeing my mom this way hurts me knowing that she believes its my fault somehow Any advice or did this happen to u with ur parents
First of all, lots of (*hug*) For people with strong religious/cultural beliefs against homosexuality, maybe two months just isn't enough time. You're strong - you've made it this far, and you're helping end bigotry by not giving into their wishes. Stick it out a little longer - you can do it! We're all here for you. (&&&)
It's not your fault. There's nothing you can do to choose your sexuality, and there's nothing wrong with being gay. At the end of the day, they're the ones that will have to accept it (even with their religious beliefs). Stay strong.
I'm so sorry that your parents cannot accept who you are. It's very unfortunate because there's no one to blame. Please explain to your parents that there's nothing you can do to change how you feel. And whatever you do, do not allow anyone to make you feel bad about who you are. I used to feel guilty and I blamed myself and God, but we were born this way. How old are you? Are you able to work or move out on your own? I think some people use religion as a means to control people, they have a tendency to twist the words of which every religion you practice. Don't let their interpretations brainwash you into believing you're bad or wrong. You're not physically hurting anyone and your life is yours to live not your parents.
I would just ride it out for better or worse. Believe me when I say that them knowing is better than lying to them for the rest of their lives. I come from a strict Chistian family and my mom sounds the same, but instead of blaming she uses guilt. For example, she said that she would rather the lord take her life than me be gay. Never let personal attacks influence who you believe you are and keep your head high. :icon_wink
Ya my mom keeps saying the same and she keeps guilting me plus the blame ---------- Post added 14th Nov 2012 at 07:38 PM ---------- I'm 23 and I'm able to work and move out but that will be like abandoning my family I don't want to do that ---------- Post added 14th Nov 2012 at 07:39 PM ---------- Thank you for ur support I need to hear its not my fault and stay strong till they accept it or let me be ---------- Post added 14th Nov 2012 at 07:40 PM ---------- Thank you for ur support its what I need right now u guys are great (&&&)
Remember NO MATTER WHAT, you are an amazing wonderful person who just happens to be gay. We all know that there is NOTHING wrong with that. You are special in your own right.(*hug*)
It sounds like they are going through the grieving process, which is a common reaction for parents, especially those who don't accept homosexuality. While being gay is a part of your identity and you might or might not feel a sense of loss over it, they need time to accept the "loss" of the heterosexual child they expected you to be. Unfortunately, expecting your child to be heterosexual is something that is created by our society/culture. Hopefully, we will get to see a world one day where that expectation is not ingrained in parents. But that's not the world today. Their reaction is in NO WAY your fault and while you can be understanding of their reactions, it's not your responsibility to take on their grief. Try to focus on and build up a support system outside of your family, and that will give them time and space to accept a new idea of who you are. They obviously care deeply about you; if you show them that you can be gay AND happy and fulfilled in life, maybe that will ease their concern.
I'm trying to show them that I'm still the same person they raised and that nothing in the way they raised me changed even that I'm gay but I let myself push them away from all the pressure and try to avoid them and not contact them as much since right now my dad doesn't live here and my mom went to stay with my sister. It is the grieving process but its hurting me too from the pressure, crying and guilting me I keep facing daily but true I will just have to be strong and wait. (*hug*) ---------- Post added 14th Nov 2012 at 07:54 PM ---------- Thank you this is what I need to hear right now(*hug*)
First off, I am so sorry you were outed. My brother would die before he'd do that to me. Coming out should be done on your terms and at your own pace. I have a question for you, and I am sorry if this is harsh, but are you safe? I know in some very religious families, safety can be an issue. I recently lived in Morocco for a couple of years and was friends many believers of Islam. From what I learned regarding homosexuality and Koranic law, it can be sketchy. Don't know if this is the case with your family, and sorry if I offend. There are plenty of Christian families that treat homosexual family members that way as well... If your safety is a concern, get out of there. If not, just weigh your options. I know that it is tough to abandon your family, but if they jeopardize your happiness... Anyway, good luck! Keep us posted. -The Seeker
hi i know what u mean and i am not offended. at first i thought i wasnt safe and ran away a couple of times but then found out that my family wont do anything to hurt me all they have been doing is talking and try to let me see a therapist to turn me straight which wont work. My parents dont live with me in canada but i live in their house they come to visit and when this happened my brother ambushed me and mom wanted to ambush me but i knew she was coming so she msged me that she is coming and now she is here blaming and guilting me while my dad is blaming and guilting me through msgs and calling. My brother was very harsh to me when he ambushed me and that is when i ran away a couple of times. right now i dont want to leave when they made it clear that they wont kick me out or harm me in any way so im waiting to save money finish university and leave so they wont feel i abandoned them when all of this is happening. I just want to know what should i do to not let them guilt me . im getting support from friends and my partner and the great people here on this forum and so far this has kept me strong when i feel down (&&&)
Tell your parents they already have one heterosexual son and daughter and to just be happy with that.
lol they actually got 3 heterosexual and one (me) homosexual. oh believe i told them they got 3 right kids already so they should just leave me alone
Don't worry, I don't think she believes it's your fault. I think she says it's your fault because it's easier tho blame you than to go against her beliefs. In other words, she don't believe your at fault of anything, she's just affraid. Ah, I almost forgot: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
thanks for ur grest words and support my mom finally decided to go back home and let me be hopefully this will give them time to rest and take it all in and understand:icon_bigg
