I live near the college town I grew up and went to school at. I moved to a city for a few years after I graduated college, but ultimately had to move back after a bad relationship and unable to find meaningful, lucrative work. Now I am living with my parents again because I am barely able to support myself on my own. I feel professionally lost. I have no idea what I'm interested in doing in doing with my life. My personal life isn't any better. Being 30 in a college town makes me invisible to most guys. Even guys my own age are to busy chasing after sexual encounters to consider anything more meaningful. I don't have any real close friends. I go out occasionally with people from work, but at the end of the night it's just me and tears in my pillow. Where in my life did it go so wrong? I find myself despising gay men for being so arrogant and shallow. I've tried using the Internet to meet people, but I find the same thing there. It's getting harder each day to not be paralyzed by depression. I keep hope, but it fluctuates like it is today.
Go back to school? If your previous degree hasn't given you what you had hoped it would, maybe try for graduate studies or a new undergrad degree to try and broaden your career possibilities. Or maybe just try looking for work in other states. Just because things went sour before doesn't mean you can't bootstrap it and try again somewhere else. You're still young and have a lot of possibilities ahead of you. I say "fuck relationships" and work on improving your personal success and happiness WAY before associating yourself with the dating scene.
You've just described humanity as a whole in a few words. People is arrogant and swallow as a rule. Fortunately for you (and us all) there's always exceptions, and any kind of ecxeption at whole humanity scale means there's a LOT of people who is actually worth. Don't loose hope and keep looking, you'll find a special someone one day. Remember that the things that really matter in life cannot be acquired without effort and sacrifice. These words are more important than you may think.
Hi there, and welcome to EC! I can imagine how you're feeling based on what you've experienced so far. And your feelings are legitimate - our feelings are always legitimate, because they are ours. However, sometimes our feelings and our attitudes become self fulfilling prophesies. If our attitude is that all gay guys are shallow and arrogant then it's going to be difficult to open up to a gay guy when you meet him and not give an impression of contempt for them. And what guy is going to want to hang around if that's the attitude he's getting from you? I do also echo the suggestion that you work on you and not worry about a relationship. Have you considered seeing a counsellor to talk about how you're feeling? If you're feeling down and you're at a bit of a crossroads in terms of your career (and life) then having someone to talk to about things can be really helpful. Figuring things out on your own has got you to where you are now, and you're not thrilled with it. So recruit someone else who might be able to offer some unbiased and objective advice. But what I want to say is that you shouldn't give up hope. I'm a firm believer that there's someone for everyone. You're not SO special that you're the only gay guy for 50 miles that isn't into just chasing some hot ass. There MUST be someone else around that is looking for a relationship, like you are. It might take a while for you to find him, but it will be worth it. The alternative - which is to NOT look for him - pretty much guarantees that you won't find him.
