I am now 41 and have always known i am attracted to woman, since i was very young, but w as always told it is wrong, so ive lived a header sexual life and have never been truly happy! Ive always fantisized about woman even while with husband! Its a horrible life to live a lie! I need friends to support and to talk to! Any takers??
Hi there! Welcome to Empty Closets! You have come to the right place to receive support and talk about things. I'm sorry to hear that you were never able to be yourself. (*hug*) I take it you are still married and live with your husband?
Welcome to the EC Although I cannot understand all that you are going through, I am recently separated from my wife of 12 yrs due to coming out. She didn't have the problem, here daughters did.:icon_sad: But I've had a lot of help and support here at the EC, and I am very confident you will find many friends here as well (*hug*)
yes I am still married and live with my husband....he knows of my desire..i let porn into our life just so I could see other woman but it became a huge problem for him and I almost left him from his porn addiction...I am almost waiting to catch him again so I have an "excuse" to leave!....sigh ---------- Post added 15th Nov 2012 at 01:30 PM ---------- thanks so much for your encouraging words....I also have an issue and wonder if other woman will find me attractive..almost a fear there is no female mate for me....i let one slip away and fear it was such a mistake...i met her on mbuzzy and she fell in love with me and wanted me to come out and come "home" to her..and I had too much fear and she found someone else and we lost contact!!!
Given that your husband knows of your desires, have you ever given it some thought as to whether it would be time to depart ways and be honest and true to yourself as well as with your husband? I don't think you need to have an 'excuse' to leave him. Sure, it would make things easier because presumably you wouldn't have to talk about the 'real' reason in any great depths and lengths. But and as bad as this sound might sound, you already have one: your sexual orientation and pull towards wanting to be with other women. Being fearful and not knowing what the future holds, is an inevitable part of coming out and turning ones life upside down. I don't think that beginning the coming out process (even if it would just entail being honest with yourself) would be a mistake. You already have an experience where you know that someone has fallen for you and actually asked you to come and live with them. That is something to keep in mind, and use to remind yourself that there are going to be women out there who are going to like, love you for who you are. (*hug*)
Hi there and welcome to EC! I'm glad that you've found us here. I was married for 9 years and in my mid 30s when I had to admit that I was gay. It was very scary to admit it, and when I did my marriage ended. But it was a new beginning for me. I had turned to addiction to help me cope with the stress of living 2 lives - and that was eventually going to kill me. So with my new beginning came recovery from addiction, being able to live openly and honestly, meeting a man who made me happier than I had ever been in my entire life, and making a life with him that included my children and my ex wife (as a friend and supporter). And all that great / happy stuff? I didn't see it coming. I couldn't envision it when I first came out. I was terrified of my future, but little did I know that my future was going to be WAY better than my past had been. And the same likely holds true for you. Give yourself time. You need to come to terms with this yourself. And once you have, you'll feel better able to make decisions. Have you considered counselling? I ask everyone this! Because it helped me SO MUCH that I think everyone can benefit from therapy or counselling. I strongly encourage you to find someone in your area who you can meet with and discuss this situation with. They might also provide couples counselling for you and your husband - which would help whether or not you ultimately stay together. It would help make the transition through separation and divorce easier than trying to do it on your own without help / mediation.
